Anonymous wrote:Rude MILs have found the thread. OP -ignore the rude posters who say you shouldn't think this is a problem.

Guests who don't leave are no longer welcomed guests IMO.

Next time, have DH get the kids to bed and you shuffle MIL out the door. I have a few relatives like this and we actually no longer invite them over to dinner. Everyone has said good bye, everyone else has left, they have said they are leaving and yet they start in on yet another conversation.

Do not let her start another conversation. Whatever she says, you simply push off - we can talk about that later or we'll call you next week. When she mentions Oh I forgot to tell you about Uncle BoBo's back problems you just say we need to turn in for the night, another time. Keep avoiding the trap.

When she says she is going, say great I will walk you tp the door walk toward the door.

Chances are that she will act surprised because she will notice that she isn't getting to stay which is what she wants. You just repeat we need to close up for the night, its late.

Anonymous wrote:Rude MILs have found the thread. OP -ignore the rude posters who say you shouldn't think this is a problem.

Guests who don't leave are no longer welcomed guests IMO.

Next time, have DH get the kids to bed and you shuffle MIL out the door. I have a few relatives like this and we actually no longer invite them over to dinner. Everyone has said good bye, everyone else has left, they have said they are leaving and yet they start in on yet another conversation.

Do not let her start another conversation. Whatever she says, you simply push off - we can talk about that later or we'll call you next week. When she mentions Oh I forgot to tell you about Uncle BoBo's back problems you just say we need to turn in for the night, another time. Keep avoiding the trap.

When she says she is going, say great I will walk you tp the door walk toward the door.

Chances are that she will act surprised because she will notice that she isn't getting to stay which is what she wants. You just repeat we need to close up for the night, its late.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Anonymous wrote:I have a tricky situation between DH and his mom. We have a long standing date that she comes every other Monday for dinner and to visit her grandchildren. I already extend bedtime to make the visit longer, but the problem is bedtime. I will tell the kids it’s time for baths and bed and have them say their goodbyes to nana, then I say my goodbyes and then we head upstairs to have showers. It always happens that when we get back out, DH is still down there talking with his mom and she hasn’t left. The kids get riled up again and want to go back downstairs to nana. She keeps saying she’s leaving, but she will sit there talking to DH or fooling around on her phone, stuff like that. I have tried starting bath earlier, so they can stay up with her, but then when it’s bed time she still doesn’t want to leave and the kids still want to go downstairs because nana is here. DH doesn’t see the issue once a week, but I’m tired too and when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime. I want to settle down too and I can’t when I’m wrangling two kids. She won’t take a hint either. If I have DH come upstairs to help me, we come back down and there she is even though she said she was heading out I don’t know what to do. Help me before she comes tonight!

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. She's staying because he wants her to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Its rude. Very rude.


While I agree with the let DH handle his own relatives position when it comes to coordination, gifts etc, in this situation I would tell her to leave at 9pm. Its your house and unless DH has some compelling need to keep his mother there past 9 just say something firmly. I'd let DH know in advance that we are telling MIL that she needs to leave by 9pm. If she is not out the door at 8:45 then you tell her it is time to go. DH should be smart enough to stop chatting.

If she still dawdles and hangs around looking at her phone then cancel the next week. Tell her that you and DH need to get up early the next morning and her late night visits do not work. If she protests and says that she will leave early then tell her OK maybe the following week but not this week. She needs to feel a consequence of being rude because she doesn't seem to care.



MIL isn't the rude one!

1) Kids are rude for not minding.
2) DH is rude for not being involved with bedtime/bath time on a school night, and for not sticking to the plan (if indeed DH/OP agreed upon a certain point of departure); DH is rude for not working with OP to get on the same page.
3) OP is actually kinda rude for placing blame on MIL rather than expecting her own kids to mind/expecting DH to be an involved parent and to be a proper host and see his guest out. OP is also kinda rude for blaming her MIL for *her own damn choice* of not just putting on PJs, going to bed, relaxing, and leaving DH to deal with final clean-up and locking up after MIL. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND EAT BON-BONS ALREADY!

MIL maybe needs to pick up on some social cues, but her host (her son) is clearly fine with her staying around. Maybe she's not fully reading the room, but her host is making it clear that she's welcome to stay!

Geesh. Again, I am never on Team MIL, but she's really not the worst offender in this scenario!

No it is the responsibility of the guest to leave when the hosts say goodbye. It is the responsibility of the guest to actually leave when she says she is going to leave. The DH is trying to be polite but MIL is is being rude and take advantage to hang around longer.

If your hosts have to set up a united front and be put in an uncomfortable situation to get your ass out the door then you are being rude.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Its rude. Very rude.


While I agree with the let DH handle his own relatives position when it comes to coordination, gifts etc, in this situation I would tell her to leave at 9pm. Its your house and unless DH has some compelling need to keep his mother there past 9 just say something firmly. I'd let DH know in advance that we are telling MIL that she needs to leave by 9pm. If she is not out the door at 8:45 then you tell her it is time to go. DH should be smart enough to stop chatting.

If she still dawdles and hangs around looking at her phone then cancel the next week. Tell her that you and DH need to get up early the next morning and her late night visits do not work. If she protests and says that she will leave early then tell her OK maybe the following week but not this week. She needs to feel a consequence of being rude because she doesn't seem to care.



MIL isn't the rude one!

1) Kids are rude for not minding.
2) DH is rude for not being involved with bedtime/bath time on a school night, and for not sticking to the plan (if indeed DH/OP agreed upon a certain point of departure); DH is rude for not working with OP to get on the same page.
3) OP is actually kinda rude for placing blame on MIL rather than expecting her own kids to mind/expecting DH to be an involved parent and to be a proper host and see his guest out. OP is also kinda rude for blaming her MIL for *her own damn choice* of not just putting on PJs, going to bed, relaxing, and leaving DH to deal with final clean-up and locking up after MIL. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND EAT BON-BONS ALREADY!

MIL maybe needs to pick up on some social cues, but her host (her son) is clearly fine with her staying around. Maybe she's not fully reading the room, but her host is making it clear that she's welcome to stay!

Geesh. Again, I am never on Team MIL, but she's really not the worst offender in this scenario!

No it is the responsibility of the guest to leave when the hosts say goodbye. It is the responsibility of the guest to actually leave when she says she is going to leave. The DH is trying to be polite but MIL is is being rude and take advantage to hang around longer.

If your hosts have to set up a united front and be put in an uncomfortable situation to get your ass out the door then you are being rude.

Anonymous wrote:
Its rude. Very rude.


While I agree with the let DH handle his own relatives position when it comes to coordination, gifts etc, in this situation I would tell her to leave at 9pm. Its your house and unless DH has some compelling need to keep his mother there past 9 just say something firmly. I'd let DH know in advance that we are telling MIL that she needs to leave by 9pm. If she is not out the door at 8:45 then you tell her it is time to go. DH should be smart enough to stop chatting.

If she still dawdles and hangs around looking at her phone then cancel the next week. Tell her that you and DH need to get up early the next morning and her late night visits do not work. If she protests and says that she will leave early then tell her OK maybe the following week but not this week. She needs to feel a consequence of being rude because she doesn't seem to care.



MIL isn't the rude one!

1) Kids are rude for not minding.
2) DH is rude for not being involved with bedtime/bath time on a school night, and for not sticking to the plan (if indeed DH/OP agreed upon a certain point of departure); DH is rude for not working with OP to get on the same page.
3) OP is actually kinda rude for placing blame on MIL rather than expecting her own kids to mind/expecting DH to be an involved parent and to be a proper host and see his guest out. OP is also kinda rude for blaming her MIL for *her own damn choice* of not just putting on PJs, going to bed, relaxing, and leaving DH to deal with final clean-up and locking up after MIL. GO TO YOUR ROOM AND EAT BON-BONS ALREADY!

MIL maybe needs to pick up on some social cues, but her host (her son) is clearly fine with her staying around. Maybe she's not fully reading the room, but her host is making it clear that she's welcome to stay!

Geesh. Again, I am never on Team MIL, but she's really not the worst offender in this scenario!