Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:58     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The threats of "ending the gravy train" ... "make him pay for things" ... and "the party is over after graduation, bud!" get you nowhere with kids like this. Unmotivated loafers have no future orientation and little impulse control. They simply do not give a $%!#, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And expecting someone like this to become a sales ace merely because they have a social life is comical. The best sales careers are hyper-competitive (read: personality PLUS great grades PLUS great internships PLUS great club involvement) with a deep, aggressive and sharp candidate pool.


You really know nothing about the world of sales, do you? Grades is the least important part of it. But it is besides the point, OP describes her kid as likeable but not an active person.


I worked at LLY for over 10 years (until we had children). Our sales interns were extremely polished, very aggressive, great grades and great recs -- in contrast to what OP described, which is a lazy dimwit (who I assume is a marijuana addict). I never understood why people think being social is so rare that it will smooth every red flag -- I guess it's a coping mechanism for people with bad marks or parents with lazy kids.

Now if OP said her boy was a D1 tennis player and had crummy grades, a different story -- or gorgeous ACC sorority girl with crummy grades, a little different.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:52     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:

It will be so embarrassing the parents can't keep up the fake appearance they're amazing parents and he's doing amazing at college. And the validity of that fake parenting is some worthless $100,000 bachelor's. The future "salesman" doesn't need a degree to go sell cars or be a loan officer. Instead of yanking an obvious mooching manipulating brat out of his multi-year spring break -- maybe waking him up for once or just saving the family a substantial sum of money -- you underwrite it, so mommy and daddy's friends and associates don't know they've raised an unmotivated bum.


PP, I say this with good intent: If your post is serious, you should do some self-evaluation as you appear to be a vindictive and bitter person. If you are trolling, and doing this for "fun", then you are a sick person.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:48     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel so differently than the other posters. I would be entirely supportive of someone who was getting C's despite trying their best. This kid though...No. He is exploiting you guys. He literally is doing the minimum to give him continued access to the college social scene/parties/girls, whatever. You and your spouse did not work hard all of these years to underwrite an all expense paid trip to extended adolescence.

Where are all of the posters who say these students are adults? I feel like college is a contract between parents and children: I will fork over TONS of money that I could have spent on other things, IF you take your job there seriously.

You are enabling someone who sounds very immature and selfish. THe sooner you stop, the sooner he will get his act together. (Do you want him to freeload on his wife also? His co-workers? He needs to be held accountable)

I just don't understand what you are hoping to gain. So, you make the kid leave college and then what? Now he's not qualified to do anything much for forever. How is that helpful? Why do you assume he'll get his act together? He may never, or not for years, years that are wasted. That will inevitably make YOUR life worse because they will need help at some time or another and you will not be heartless if you can provide the help, especially if it will affect your (future) grandchildren. This is classic cutting off your nose to spite your face.


It will be so embarrassing the parents can't keep up the fake appearance they're amazing parents and he's doing amazing at college. And the validity of that fake parenting is some worthless $100,000 bachelor's. The future "salesman" doesn't need a degree to go sell cars or be a loan officer. Instead of yanking an obvious mooching manipulating brat out of his multi-year spring break -- maybe waking him up for once or just saving the family a substantial sum of money -- you underwrite it, so mommy and daddy's friends and associates don't know they've raised an unmotivated bum.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:47     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:The threats of "ending the gravy train" ... "make him pay for things" ... and "the party is over after graduation, bud!" get you nowhere with kids like this. Unmotivated loafers have no future orientation and little impulse control. They simply do not give a $%!#, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And expecting someone like this to become a sales ace merely because they have a social life is comical. The best sales careers are hyper-competitive (read: personality PLUS great grades PLUS great internships PLUS great club involvement) with a deep, aggressive and sharp candidate pool.


You really know nothing about the world of sales, do you? Grades is the least important part of it. But it is besides the point, OP describes her kid as likeable but not an active person.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:45     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:The threats of "ending the gravy train" ... "make him pay for things" ... and "the party is over after graduation, bud!" get you nowhere with kids like this. Unmotivated loafers have no future orientation and little impulse control. They simply do not give a $%!#, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And expecting someone like this to become a sales ace merely because they have a social life is comical. The best sales careers are hyper-competitive (read: personality PLUS great grades PLUS great internships PLUS great club involvement) with a deep, aggressive and sharp candidate pool.


Hey, that's some helpful advice there pal! Nice job telling someone their kid is a nonredeemable loser with no future!

OP, please ignore this anonyramus.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:38     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
The threats of "ending the gravy train" ... "make him pay for things" ... and "the party is over after graduation, bud!" get you nowhere with kids like this. Unmotivated loafers have no future orientation and little impulse control. They simply do not give a $%!#, it's like talking to a brick wall.

And expecting someone like this to become a sales ace merely because they have a social life is comical. The best sales careers are hyper-competitive (read: personality PLUS great grades PLUS great internships PLUS great club involvement) with a deep, aggressive and sharp candidate pool.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:28     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
If you listen to these "tough love" a-holes you will regret it your entire life.

He's an adult, not a toddler you can train with a time-out. Guide, continue to set an example, and hope for the best. Talk, don't threaten. Stay calm. Don't yell.

I promise you, this idea of "forcing him to see the light" is the unicorn of parenting.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:21     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:You have pegged your DS as a slacker from age 13-17, but somehow you expected things to be different in college? Doesn't seem reasonable. What year is your son? And major? At this point, I would explain your expectations of him going forward: 1) Summer job/jobs--must work 40 hours each week and 2) Can return to your home after graduation for ONE month. He then needs to be up and out. You will not be paying for phone, health or car insurance following graduation. Only require what you are willing to follow through. Your scenario isn't doomed, but you and your DH must be firm.


This. He just needs to get through and graduate at this point. If you don't like spending so much money, give him the option to transfer to Average more inexpensive state u. to finish up.

Otherwise, emphasize getting work experience working there via internship, or a job that pays, or preferably both. If he does not already have a part time job in college, give him a deadline for when you plan to cut off all spending money. (Like, you are a senior or junior or sophmore, we expect you to get a job to start funding your everyday spending... we will still pay for college, car insurance, health insurance, room and meal plan, everything else.is on you now. )
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:18     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree that grades don’t matter unless he’s applying to grad school.


grades don't matter once you GET the job. To GET the job, grades DO matter.



No, not always the case! Thank goodness !!
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:16     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree that grades don’t matter unless he’s applying to grad school.


grades don't matter once you GET the job. To GET the job, grades DO matter.


Some jobs. More often early in the career than later. I can’t remember the last time I saw a resume with a GPA on it. I see the cum laude/magna/summa sometimes.


Agree. Also, internships and other working experience matters far, far more.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:15     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Agree that grades don’t matter unless he’s applying to grad school.


grades don't matter once you GET the job. To GET the job, grades DO matter.


Some jobs. More often early in the career than later. I can’t remember the last time I saw a resume with a GPA on it. I see the cum laude/magna/summa sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:11     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:Agree that grades don’t matter unless he’s applying to grad school.


grades don't matter once you GET the job. To GET the job, grades DO matter.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:09     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Agree that grades don’t matter unless he’s applying to grad school.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:05     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Keep doing the same thing knowing it's not working is not smart. pull him back. make him go to CC.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2019 15:02     Subject: Coming to terms with paying so much for an unmotivated student who hates college?
Anonymous wrote:No one can tell you what you should pay for but:

Cs get degrees. Just saying.


This