Anonymous
09/09/2019 07:24
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Why all this coddling of cheaters?
Anonymous
09/09/2019 07:20
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Wish I were a troll. Stop being a jerk, though. I've moved on in that I dont want my ex back... the divorce was not a mistake and I am a million times happier without him. But it doesn't mean I want my kids meeting this woman, or that I want to ever have to look at her face.
Wow he sounds like a horrible dad. OP neither of you should be introducing gf/bfs this soon. Both of you should wait at least a year to help the kids adjust. They need to adjust to mom and dad living in different homes. I realize you can't control him, but at least see if he would agree to this. The kids shouldn't be exposed to anyone until it's serious.
Also, why is she moving to your neighborhood? That screams desperation, and unstable. Not to mention she went low enough to sleep with a married man which says a lot about her. If you run into her just ignore OP, all you can do. Your ex only has himself to blame if the kids end up alienated from him. He hasn't been responsible by any means.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 05:37
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex married the other woman. We rarely interact, but at the occasional kid event we just politely ignore each other. I bitch about her to friends and my mom, but in all other circumstances, always take the high road. People figure out who is the good person and who is the shithead pretty quickly in my experience, and I like not ever giving them the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me.
And more importantly, it keeps my kids sheltered from drama or feeling any conflict.
+1
Always.
You need to accept sometimes they don’t think the OW is a shithead either though. Yes your husband cheated with her and that sucks. She might be a good person in plenty other ways and the world will not necessarily view you as a saint and her as a shithead. They might not care at all. In real life we all know people are more complex than one thing they did.
Sure-but the part I can control is that I don't become the shithead.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 05:26
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
This is terrible, I would never hurt my kids this way, and you have damaged them for the rest of their lives. Yes, their father is an absolute ass (as was my XH) and he was the one who had to tell them the truth about our family breaking up, but I would never want them to sever their relationship with him. He is their father, faults and all, and you know what, he's a good father, just a shitty husband, as I know he will be to her. Your kids don't need your baggage in their lives.
I don't know why pp used the word poisoned. Unless she constantly bad mouths him, then I disagree about that. I would absolutely tell the kids why dad left the family, that's the first thing they ask, there's no way out of that. Lying to your kids is also wrong. I would tell them dad didn't want to be married, and started seeing Jane and now they are living together. That would be it. At that point all you can do is move on. The kids will decide what kind of relationship they want to have. If the husband cheated he isn't a good father to the kids fyi. A cheater doesn't just cheat on their spouse, they cheat on the entire family. Just look around at the horrible domino effect cheating causes to the kids.
Most of the “horrible domino effect” you reference is because of people like you who think your kids will love their dad any less because he wasn’t a good husband to you. Be sure to highlight and call out all your own flaws and mistakes and hurtful actions while you’re in the process of “being honest” with your kids.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 04:48
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.
Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?
Np here, actually, what is wrong with you that you think a child (grown child or not) should have to involve themselves in matters that don’t pertain to them? My ex hurt me immensely by cheating, but at no point did I make my feelings the responsibility of our children. What an irrational way of thinking. Mothers protect their children from all forms of hurt.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 04:32
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
This is terrible, I would never hurt my kids this way, and you have damaged them for the rest of their lives. Yes, their father is an absolute ass (as was my XH) and he was the one who had to tell them the truth about our family breaking up, but I would never want them to sever their relationship with him. He is their father, faults and all, and you know what, he's a good father, just a shitty husband, as I know he will be to her. Your kids don't need your baggage in their lives.
I don't know why pp used the word poisoned. Unless she constantly bad mouths him, then I disagree about that. I would absolutely tell the kids why dad left the family, that's the first thing they ask, there's no way out of that. Lying to your kids is also wrong. I would tell them dad didn't want to be married, and started seeing Jane and now they are living together. That would be it. At that point all you can do is move on. The kids will decide what kind of relationship they want to have. If the husband cheated he isn't a good father to the kids fyi. A cheater doesn't just cheat on their spouse, they cheat on the entire family. Just look around at the horrible domino effect cheating causes to the kids.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 04:29
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My ex married the other woman. We rarely interact, but at the occasional kid event we just politely ignore each other. I bitch about her to friends and my mom, but in all other circumstances, always take the high road. People figure out who is the good person and who is the shithead pretty quickly in my experience, and I like not ever giving them the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me.
And more importantly, it keeps my kids sheltered from drama or feeling any conflict.
+1
Always.
You need to accept sometimes they don’t think the OW is a shithead either though. Yes your husband cheated with her and that sucks. She might be a good person in plenty other ways and the world will not necessarily view you as a saint and her as a shithead. They might not care at all. In real life we all know people are more complex than one thing they did.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 04:26
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:I would tear her a new asshole among the other parents. Immature, but too bad. I would make her so uncomfortable that she'd never want to show her face at school. I would even make sure her kids' teachers, principal, the school secretary know.
I wish you'd established expectations with her STBX about introducing girlfriends and boyfriends to the kids.
You sound nice, OP. I would be such an unrepentant bitch in your situation -- both to the AP and to the exDH. I would ensure my kids had no respect for her. (Yes, I know it's the exDH's "fault" he cheated, but I wouldn't want to get accused of parental alienation or whatever so I wouldn't badmouth the ex to young kids )
Guarantee if OP does this everyone will go “wow she’s insane. No wonder the poor guy left and found someone normal .” Guaranteed.
Anonymous
09/09/2019 00:43
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Wish I were a troll. Stop being a jerk, though. I've moved on in that I dont want my ex back... the divorce was not a mistake and I am a million times happier without him. But it doesn't mean I want my kids meeting this woman, or that I want to ever have to look at her face.
If you truly believe this, then live it. You don't have to be best friends with your XH's girlfriend (she is no longer the OW), but live your life like you made the right decision. That means accepting everything that led to the divorce. You are happier now, all of those difficult things had to happen for you to get where you are today. Be grateful for that, and don't let his girlfriend change any of the blessings you have.
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:48
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
No reason to be polite. She wasn't polite to you. Have fun and turn this into a game. You can take pleasure in making her life miserable. She deserves it and so does he.
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:46
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.
Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?
Oh I did take "her side" when I was a kid and when she was energetically alienating him from me. Now that I've grown up and moved out, I see what an awful, abusive, narcissistic attitude that was, and my sympathy for her dropped to zero. She didn't actually care what harm she did to us - it didn't even occur to her that she was harming us - because she was so wrapped up in her own rage and desire to use us to hurt him.
Wow, are you my sister? Cause my situation is exactly same. Dad cheated with his subordinate. Mom went full poison, and I now actually have some sympathy for dad seeing her crazy side. He is still my dad, I am half him, you test him down you tear me down. My relationship with mom is tenuous now, I could write a book on it.
OP don't take this advice unless you want your kids to suffer too
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:40
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
Troll fail. This is revenge porn on the equivalent of the sexless marriage guy cheating with a harem of college girls. What you depicted never happens
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:35
Subject: When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Wish I were a troll. Stop being a jerk, though. I've moved on in that I dont want my ex back... the divorce was not a mistake and I am a million times happier without him. But it doesn't mean I want my kids meeting this woman, or that I want to ever have to look at her face.
I believe you. My dad had an affair with his secretary. Parents divorced when I was 14 and here's the worse news:. They are still together 30 years later.
She is an awful person, not because of the affair so much but she just is a mean, controlling negative human.
Here's the really crap part too:. You have to somehow be the bigger person. My mom could never get over it, constantly complained, tore at my dad. Got to the point I moved across the country and have very little contact with either of them.
Good luck
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:34
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.
Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?
Oh I did take "her side" when I was a kid and when she was energetically alienating him from me. Now that I've grown up and moved out, I see what an awful, abusive, narcissistic attitude that was, and my sympathy for her dropped to zero. She didn't actually care what harm she did to us - it didn't even occur to her that she was harming us - because she was so wrapped up in her own rage and desire to use us to hurt him.
Anonymous
09/08/2019 23:29
Subject: Re:When the Other Woman meets your kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I "poisoned" my kids against their dad and the lying scuzzy other woman. I told them exactly what they did. Kids were appalled and stopped speaking to him. They were high schoolers so I just said so sorry dad missed your game, he was too busy screwing his girlfriend.
Despite all the protestations on the DCUM, it worked great. All our friends took my side.
Ex gave up and just sends the checks now. We are all happier. I hear that marriage is on the ricks now, too!
My mom pretty much did this - poisoned us against our dad, denied him access, eventually he gave up. So she "won". Yay. I can see, with the benefit of adult perspective, that this inflicted severe, long-lasting psychological damage on me and my brother. I have never told her this, and she'd no doubt emit a huge cloud of annoying self-justification if I did. So please, don't do this to your kids, however much it feels like "winning" to you in the short term.
Why shouldn't you take your mom's side? What is wrong with you?
What is WRONG is EXACTLY what you are saying here - demanding that kids "take a side". The other parent is STILL their parent, and will be for the kid's entire life, even if that parent is not a perfect person and even if you hate them.
Act in the interest OF YOUR CHILDREN not of your wounded pride and ego.