Anonymous wrote:My siblings are like this. FLlying in my parents when they need childcare. Even across continents. And then complain about the stuff they don't get to do. And then when we actually have a real emergency such as my child is in the PICU (not I need help to take my 2 month old to get a routine vaccine), we can't count on parents for support.

Did you ask your parents for help?

Anonymous wrote:We haven't, and kids are 5 and 3. But that's because we have two sets of healthy, active grandparents in the area, plus several siblings with their own kids. We all help each other out and I've just never needed to get an outside sitter. But my kids have been in daycare since they were six months old and I would definitely find a sitter if I needed to. I'd never ask my parents to change travel plans in order to babysit.

This is just about my exact situation. My husband and I live near both sets of grandparents, and our siblings are also in the area. Our kids are 5 and 2, and so far we have never had to bring in a non-family member babysitter. Our kids were in full-time day care, so if we had to, I'm sure we could have paid one of the providers to watch them, but we have always been able to work it out so we don't have to do this. Like others, I would NEVER expect my mother, or you, to rearrange your plans so my mom could babysit for us. That is completely selfish of her and totally unreasonable. She can either: (1) hire a babysitter; (2) have one spouse go to the party and the other stay home; or (3) not go to the party at all.

We have never used a sitter either. Our child is in early elementary school. I get things done during the day while he's in school or my husband watches him if it's in the evening.

we do not have any family nearby and we do not trust anyone.

My siblings are like this. FLlying in my parents when they need childcare. Even across continents. And then complain about the stuff they don't get to do. And then when we actually have a real emergency such as my child is in the PICU (not I need help to take my 2 month old to get a routine vaccine), we can't count on parents for support.

Only using family sitters because family is readily available to you is not the same thing. The OPs sister is willing to pay to change her moms flight instead of acting rational and just hiring a local sitter. That is extreme and anxious behavior.

I have a 4 year old and have never paid a non-family babysitter. But, he is full time daycare during the day. Someone asked about hair appointments and dr appointments. I make them during the work day when I can step out from the office, or else evening or weekends with DH is available to watch.

We trade off a lot - when one of us has a social event or work engagement the other is on. On the weekends, we each do our own thing like gym or grocery shopping, but then we spend time all together as well.

We have some local family to cover for weddings, holiday parties, etc., but we just don't do "date nights". It's never bothered me, honestly, I'm happy to chill at home and make dinner together rather than pay someone so I can go out.

However, I would NEVER dream of asking my mom to cancel a flight to watch my kids! I would 100% hire a babysitter if the need arose - but it just hasn't been a need yet.

I have never used an unrelated sitter. I have never asked anyone to change their plans to watch my offspring either.

We use sitters from a local college but we usually don’t go out until we have put the baby to bed. Our other two ages 3 and 6 are good with a sitter once they get to know her. My parents live nearby and they often sit but I’d never impose on them the way OP describes.

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is too cheap to pay a real babysitter.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people have NEVER used a non family babysitter or any type of babysitter for that matter. Don't you need a hair cut regularly, have to see the dentist, the dr, ever meet friends for lunch or book club, go out at night with your spouse on occasion??

We don't live near any family and my husband works tons of hours and is often working late into the evening and on weekends. I have several babysitters; mostly neighborhood girls in high school but some college students too for daytime appointments I occasionally have.

You’d be surprised how many moms don’t have a life outside of their kids.

Go and look around suburban america at the moms. You really think they are spending time at the hair salon?

Yep. Still shocked. Especially for the DC area where I feel it is fairly to have one spouse put in a lot of hours and to not have family close enough to babysit every single time you need them.

Even if you aren't getting root touch ups ever 2 weeks and monthly facials, the most basic level of self care requires going to the salon every few months and dr/dentist without your kids. I can't imagine bringing a toddler to the dentist office while I am being seen. Do people really do this? My kids enjoy having fun with babysitters. They are young and fun and are always introducing something creative. Much better than dragging a young child to drs appointments (or whatever appointment) and sticking them in a chair with a tablet.

I didn’t use a non-family babysitter until my kid was around 2. I go to the dentist every 6 months (DH is able to work from home). I can get haircuts or the rare pedicure on Saturdays when DH is home. My mother visited once a year for a week or so and I was able to go out alone during that time. To be honest, without daycare or preschool, I just had no idea how to find a sitter I could trust alone with a baby who couldn’t talk. Once he could talk and tell me what he did with the sitter, I felt ok using an outside sitter. I know there are sites like Care, but there have been several recent scandals involving abuse and molestation and I didn’t need the break enough to want to leave him with a stranger. If he were in daycare, I would have felt ok asking for personal sitter recommendations.

I don’t think I’m in any way a perfect mom or a martyr mommy, but DH and I just didn’t have any great ways to find someone. We asked friends with kids and they all had sitters from daycare or had family, which didn’t help us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people have NEVER used a non family babysitter or any type of babysitter for that matter. Don't you need a hair cut regularly, have to see the dentist, the dr, ever meet friends for lunch or book club, go out at night with your spouse on occasion??

We don't live near any family and my husband works tons of hours and is often working late into the evening and on weekends. I have several babysitters; mostly neighborhood girls in high school but some college students too for daytime appointments I occasionally have.

What's so shocking. I took mine with me or my husband flexed his schedule for things like doctors appointments (or he went with me). Hair cuts at night. If I meet up with friends, we brought the kids. At night, with friends, husband watches them. Early on we didn't worry about date nights. We had several years alone before kids. Now they are in school and husband can work at home so we do a date lunch. Neighbors will help out in an emergency but that's only been a few times. We really don't have a need.

Please do not do this! Just...don't. You don't need to be joined at the hip to your kids

I always brought my son with me whenever running errands. Every once in a while when my mother was visiting, she would watch my son and I would spend the afternoon running every possible errand I could. I would even get my hair trimmed sooner than I needed because I knew I would have to take him with me if I waited. I lived in a small apartment but I would stock up on lots of stuff because I had the time to go to Costco and wait in those long lines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people have NEVER used a non family babysitter or any type of babysitter for that matter. Don't you need a hair cut regularly, have to see the dentist, the dr, ever meet friends for lunch or book club, go out at night with your spouse on occasion??

We don't live near any family and my husband works tons of hours and is often working late into the evening and on weekends. I have several babysitters; mostly neighborhood girls in high school but some college students too for daytime appointments I occasionally have.

You’d be surprised how many moms don’t have a life outside of their kids.

Go and look around suburban america at the moms. You really think they are spending time at the hair salon?

Yep. Still shocked. Especially for the DC area where I feel it is fairly to have one spouse put in a lot of hours and to not have family close enough to babysit every single time you need them.

Even if you aren't getting root touch ups ever 2 weeks and monthly facials, the most basic level of self care requires going to the salon every few months and dr/dentist without your kids. I can't imagine bringing a toddler to the dentist office while I am being seen. Do people really do this? My kids enjoy having fun with babysitters. They are young and fun and are always introducing something creative. Much better than dragging a young child to drs appointments (or whatever appointment) and sticking them in a chair with a tablet.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people have NEVER used a non family babysitter or any type of babysitter for that matter. Don't you need a hair cut regularly, have to see the dentist, the dr, ever meet friends for lunch or book club, go out at night with your spouse on occasion??

We don't live near any family and my husband works tons of hours and is often working late into the evening and on weekends. I have several babysitters; mostly neighborhood girls in high school but some college students too for daytime appointments I occasionally have.

You’d be surprised how many moms don’t have a life outside of their kids.

Go and look around suburban america at the moms. You really think they are spending time at the hair salon?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked so many people have NEVER used a non family babysitter or any type of babysitter for that matter. Don't you need a hair cut regularly, have to see the dentist, the dr, ever meet friends for lunch or book club, go out at night with your spouse on occasion??

We don't live near any family and my husband works tons of hours and is often working late into the evening and on weekends. I have several babysitters; mostly neighborhood girls in high school but some college students too for daytime appointments I occasionally have.

What's so shocking. I took mine with me or my husband flexed his schedule for things like doctors appointments (or he went with me). Hair cuts at night. If I meet up with friends, we brought the kids. At night, with friends, husband watches them. Early on we didn't worry about date nights. We had several years alone before kids. Now they are in school and husband can work at home so we do a date lunch. Neighbors will help out in an emergency but that's only been a few times. We really don't have a need.

So you’re THAT kind of mom.