Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you find someone you lust after and keep it to yourself. Then you can smile all day long and he will be none the wiser.

OP here. I agree with this. I am playing the long game. He thinks I am interested in reconciling. We have our nice talks and talk about the future going forward. He is being super nice and caring. But I know it is all BS. He is a selfish entitled man child and no longer the person I fell in love with. He is scared to death to look bad in front of his kids, friends, and colleagues and losing a big chunk of money. It is going to be fun exposing him for the fraud that he is.

Here’s the thing. It can be fun and cathartic to think about “exposing” him to everyone, but I’d advise you to think long and hard about the actual implications of that. First of all none of his coworkers will care, unless he had an affair with someone he supervises, and even then - would you want to risk him losing his job and your kids’ financial security? Friends don’t want to know the details of your marriage and they might wind up judging YOU. You really open yourself up to criticism or the sad truth that no one really cares as much as you do. Telling your kids is a stupid idea for obvious reasons.

It just isn’t going to be the big blowup you imagine where you look like the good one.

Totally agree with this. One of my business partners ex wife sent a company wide email about his cheating and the universal consensus was she looked crazy and it created a bit of empathy for him

lol
Now you know that isn't true.

Most will talk among themselves: "yep we knew Harold was a dirt bag, poor wife and kids".

Anonymous wrote:Recently discovered DH’s affair. I have the contact of the AP’s spouse. Considering offering myself to him. I know this is a bad idea but why should DH get to live in fantasyland.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you find someone you lust after and keep it to yourself. Then you can smile all day long and he will be none the wiser.

OP here. I agree with this. I am playing the long game. He thinks I am interested in reconciling. We have our nice talks and talk about the future going forward. He is being super nice and caring. But I know it is all BS. He is a selfish entitled man child and no longer the person I fell in love with. He is scared to death to look bad in front of his kids, friends, and colleagues and losing a big chunk of money. It is going to be fun exposing him for the fraud that he is.

Here’s the thing. It can be fun and cathartic to think about “exposing” him to everyone, but I’d advise you to think long and hard about the actual implications of that. First of all none of his coworkers will care, unless he had an affair with someone he supervises, and even then - would you want to risk him losing his job and your kids’ financial security? Friends don’t want to know the details of your marriage and they might wind up judging YOU. You really open yourself up to criticism or the sad truth that no one really cares as much as you do. Telling your kids is a stupid idea for obvious reasons.

It just isn’t going to be the big blowup you imagine where you look like the good one.

Totally agree with this. One of my business partners ex wife sent a company wide email about his cheating and the universal consensus was she looked crazy and it created a bit of empathy for him

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you find someone you lust after and keep it to yourself. Then you can smile all day long and he will be none the wiser.

OP here. I agree with this. I am playing the long game. He thinks I am interested in reconciling. We have our nice talks and talk about the future going forward. He is being super nice and caring. But I know it is all BS. He is a selfish entitled man child and no longer the person I fell in love with. He is scared to death to look bad in front of his kids, friends, and colleagues and losing a big chunk of money. It is going to be fun exposing him for the fraud that he is.

Here’s the thing. It can be fun and cathartic to think about “exposing” him to everyone, but I’d advise you to think long and hard about the actual implications of that. First of all none of his coworkers will care, unless he had an affair with someone he supervises, and even then - would you want to risk him losing his job and your kids’ financial security? Friends don’t want to know the details of your marriage and they might wind up judging YOU. You really open yourself up to criticism or the sad truth that no one really cares as much as you do. Telling your kids is a stupid idea for obvious reasons.

It just isn’t going to be the big blowup you imagine where you look like the good one.

Totally agree with this. One of my business partners ex wife sent a company wide email about his cheating and the universal consensus was she looked crazy and it created a bit of empathy for him

This and the previous post are definitely written by men. You already think women are crazy to justify the sh*tty way you treat women. After I take at least half of what we have I and the kids will be able to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. If he losses the ability to earn more so be it. That will affect him and his ego more than us. I think it is important the kids understand what a fraud their father is. They are old enough to understand.

He isn’t a fraud. He lost interest in you. Go ahead and make your kids miserable in the interest of justice!

I am fine with the fact that he lost interest in me. Instead of being a little boy he could have done the family the decency of owning that fact that he was not interested in me and we could have worked things out amicably. But since he could not find his big boy pants he now has to face the consequences. My kids will understand this. They are old enough.

Anonymous wrote:I have been where you are. In the end though I think it ended up being a combo revenge/exit affair. My ex cheated on me for a year with his married mistress.

The OW's husband is the one that told me about the affair. He hired a PI so there was no doubt what happened. We both were very hurt and feeling really vengeful. It did not hurt that the OW's husband is gorgeous. I could not understand how she could cheat on him with my husband.

At first we told ourselves we were only communicating to keep tabs on our spouses but it did not take long before we had a full blown affair. When our spouses found out it was messy and ugly.

We turned into liars and cheats just like our spouses. I promised my H I would end my affair. We would end it for a day or two and pick up right where we left off and get busted again.

I could look my then H straight in the eye and tell him I was not seeing the OM and lie through my teeth with no guilt. I would also remind my H about his own affair and not to give me a hard time. Because of his own A my ex thought he deserved whatever I dished out and took it and kept after me to end my affair.

We both did leave our spouses and then our spouses turned down right nasty. I think if I had left right after I found out about his affair the divorce would have been much more simple. My ex was so angry with me. He cussed me out in court and tried hiding our assets. A divorce that could have been finalized in 6 months dragged on for 18 months.

The OM divorce dragged on but was final in less than a year. His wife put him through the ringer too.

We stay in a relationship and even moved in together. We were so busy with our careers and fighting our spouses for a divorce it was hard to have a "real" relationship with so much conflict going on in our lives and not spending a whole lot of time together.

We last another year after my divorce was finalized. We did not have a lot in common for a life long relationship and decided to end it. It was a very friendly breakup and we are still friends.

I would never advise anyone to have a revenge affair. I cannot tell you enough to end your relationship with your husband and start over on a clean slate.

he now has to face the consequences. My kids will understand this.

Anonymous wrote:When I was going through my divorce I initially thought about a revenge affair and then thought better of it. On a whim I decided to take a week long cruise solo to get away from everything and everyone and I got my “revenge” a few times without it being revenge because it was just unplanned and fun. What happens on a cruise ship stays on a cruise ship! When I returned all I wanted to do was get the divorce over and move on with my life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you find someone you lust after and keep it to yourself. Then you can smile all day long and he will be none the wiser.

OP here. I agree with this. I am playing the long game. He thinks I am interested in reconciling. We have our nice talks and talk about the future going forward. He is being super nice and caring. But I know it is all BS. He is a selfish entitled man child and no longer the person I fell in love with. He is scared to death to look bad in front of his kids, friends, and colleagues and losing a big chunk of money. It is going to be fun exposing him for the fraud that he is.

Here’s the thing. It can be fun and cathartic to think about “exposing” him to everyone, but I’d advise you to think long and hard about the actual implications of that. First of all none of his coworkers will care, unless he had an affair with someone he supervises, and even then - would you want to risk him losing his job and your kids’ financial security? Friends don’t want to know the details of your marriage and they might wind up judging YOU. You really open yourself up to criticism or the sad truth that no one really cares as much as you do. Telling your kids is a stupid idea for obvious reasons.

It just isn’t going to be the big blowup you imagine where you look like the good one.

Totally agree with this. One of my business partners ex wife sent a company wide email about his cheating and the universal consensus was she looked crazy and it created a bit of empathy for him

This and the previous post are definitely written by men. You already think women are crazy to justify the sh*tty way you treat women. After I take at least half of what we have I and the kids will be able to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. If he losses the ability to earn more so be it. That will affect him and his ego more than us. I think it is important the kids understand what a fraud their father is. They are old enough to understand.

He isn’t a fraud. He lost interest in you. Go ahead and make your kids miserable in the interest of justice!

I am fine with the fact that he lost interest in me. Instead of being a little boy he could have done the family the decency of owning that fact that he was not interested in me and we could have worked things out amicably. But since he could not find his big boy pants he now has to face the consequences. My kids will understand this. They are old enough.

Good luck! I posted originally and I’m just telling you from experience (and yes, I’m a woman) that no one really cares. He’s not a murderer. Affairs are very, very common. Might there be some initial embarrassment for him, sure, but again most people don’t care and some people will also judge YOU. There is no reveal that is going to satisfy your fantasy of coming out ahead here somehow.

What do you hope to achieve by the kids knowing? Do you think that the world is so black and white that they will hate him without reservation and you’ll be the “good” parent? The “winner”? It just doesn’t work that way.

+ 1. Guy and my ex cheated. why are you thinking that being married to you was like the best thing ever and how dare he leave ! No one cares! You
can spend a lot of time and money rubbing your exes face in it. But I think your kids will remember this and not his infidelity!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you find someone you lust after and keep it to yourself. Then you can smile all day long and he will be none the wiser.

OP here. I agree with this. I am playing the long game. He thinks I am interested in reconciling. We have our nice talks and talk about the future going forward. He is being super nice and caring. But I know it is all BS. He is a selfish entitled man child and no longer the person I fell in love with. He is scared to death to look bad in front of his kids, friends, and colleagues and losing a big chunk of money. It is going to be fun exposing him for the fraud that he is.

Here’s the thing. It can be fun and cathartic to think about “exposing” him to everyone, but I’d advise you to think long and hard about the actual implications of that. First of all none of his coworkers will care, unless he had an affair with someone he supervises, and even then - would you want to risk him losing his job and your kids’ financial security? Friends don’t want to know the details of your marriage and they might wind up judging YOU. You really open yourself up to criticism or the sad truth that no one really cares as much as you do. Telling your kids is a stupid idea for obvious reasons.

It just isn’t going to be the big blowup you imagine where you look like the good one.

Totally agree with this. One of my business partners ex wife sent a company wide email about his cheating and the universal consensus was she looked crazy and it created a bit of empathy for him

This and the previous post are definitely written by men. You already think women are crazy to justify the sh*tty way you treat women. After I take at least half of what we have I and the kids will be able to live comfortably for the rest of our lives. If he losses the ability to earn more so be it. That will affect him and his ego more than us. I think it is important the kids understand what a fraud their father is. They are old enough to understand.

He isn’t a fraud. He lost interest in you. Go ahead and make your kids miserable in the interest of justice!

I am fine with the fact that he lost interest in me. Instead of being a little boy he could have done the family the decency of owning that fact that he was not interested in me and we could have worked things out amicably. But since he could not find his big boy pants he now has to face the consequences. My kids will understand this. They are old enough.

Good luck! I posted originally and I’m just telling you from experience (and yes, I’m a woman) that no one really cares. He’s not a murderer. Affairs are very, very common. Might there be some initial embarrassment for him, sure, but again most people don’t care and some people will also judge YOU. There is no reveal that is going to satisfy your fantasy of coming out ahead here somehow.

What do you hope to achieve by the kids knowing? Do you think that the world is so black and white that they will hate him without reservation and you’ll be the “good” parent? The “winner”? It just doesn’t work that way.