In my younger early career days I was always amazed about how often I'd be hit on while traveling for business. I had attractive girl next door looks and dressed conservatively so I certainly didn't ooze sex appeal. I never had an affair and never had a need for one but if I had been in an unhappy relationship it would have been so easy. I remember one guy saying that "he wanted to give me pleasure" and I almost spit my drink at him because I started laughing so hard.

Wife of 11 years and no, I haven't ever even thought about cheating.

I truly do not think my DH has, but we did have to go 13 months without sex due to medical conditions surrounding pregnancy and postpartum healing on my end. I was very conscious about still pleasing him and he was wonderfully supportive and creative with staying intimate with me, but I know it was hard for both of us

There are also some fairly basic sex acts I just cannot bring myself to do due to past trauma. I said no when we were dating and that I would let him know if it ever changed and 11 years later he hasn't brought it up again. If he really wanted to engage in that act though I'd honestly consider letting him go outside the marriage.

I've never cheated because I've never had a reason to cheat. When it comes to sex I love that my husband always asks me what I'm in the mood for and then we do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14 years married, together 15. Have not cheated but fantasize about it. Wife lost sex drive after kids 7 years ago. She never initiates, once went 14 months without sex and didn't know, and could easily go as long again if I didn't provoke. Yes, I've brought it up. At this point I'm proud I haven't despite a couple of offers. But our marriage is 50/50, and I would enjoy telling the next partner I am faithful so I probably won't. I don't think marriage means you can make another celibate against his will if he is otherwise a good (great) partner.

14 months!?! I feel bad if we go more than a week and I KNOW DH feels like we don’t do it enough. How do people live like that?

I doubt the ones who are fun in bed would care. 14 months is nuts.

Anonymous wrote:14 years married, together 15. Have not cheated but fantasize about it. Wife lost sex drive after kids 7 years ago. She never initiates, once went 14 months without sex and didn't know, and could easily go as long again if I didn't provoke. Yes, I've brought it up. At this point I'm proud I haven't despite a couple of offers. But our marriage is 50/50, and I would enjoy telling the next partner I am faithful so I probably won't. I don't think marriage means you can make another celibate against his will if he is otherwise a good (great) partner.

14 months!?! I feel bad if we go more than a week and I KNOW DH feels like we don’t do it enough. How do people live like that?

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to see others not care that much about cheating. I feel the same, like if my wife screwed someone else so what, it's totally a normal urge and then we can get real about exploring the doldrums of monogamy.

But of equal importance, why on Earth would I shred my finances and my kids future and my ability to retire just because she took some strange?

An urge is more important than the second part of your post? Just because it’s normal to have the urge doesn’t mean you should act on it. There’s a big difference.

14 years married, together 15. Have not cheated but fantasize about it. Wife lost sex drive after kids 7 years ago. She never initiates, once went 14 months without sex and didn't know, and could easily go as long again if I didn't provoke. Yes, I've brought it up. At this point I'm proud I haven't despite a couple of offers. But our marriage is 50/50, and I would enjoy telling the next partner I am faithful so I probably won't. I don't think marriage means you can make another celibate against his will if he is otherwise a good (great) partner.

So far there is no need and after 28 years i’m Feeling pretty good.

Anonymous wrote:We have an open marriage so no not cheating. No need but we do sleep with others. I have a serious boyfriend. My husband has a couple FWBs. Keeps things fresh and interesting. I could never return to monogamy. And based on the percentage of people cheating I don’t think monogamy is realistic.

Sorry, this is BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Are all of you “ok” with it only because you think it would entitle you to a pass as well? What if your spouse cheated once, but she didn’t want you to cheat as well?

NP here, and I would also be ok with it because sex with someone else seems like a totally normal urge. But yes, I would expect it to be reciprocal, and would not be ok at all if it were one-sided. There is zero chance I would be ok with only my spouse getting some strange and not me.

+1
I’d probably tell her I wasn’t making any promises.

We have an open marriage so no not cheating. No need but we do sleep with others. I have a serious boyfriend. My husband has a couple FWBs. Keeps things fresh and interesting. I could never return to monogamy. And based on the percentage of people cheating I don’t think monogamy is realistic.

Are all of you “ok” with it only because you think it would entitle you to a pass as well? What if your spouse cheated once, but she didn’t want you to cheat as well?

NP here, and I would also be ok with it because sex with someone else seems like a totally normal urge. But yes, I would expect it to be reciprocal, and would not be ok at all if it were one-sided. There is zero chance I would be ok with only my spouse getting some strange and not me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband. We’ve been together 24 years and I’ve never cheated and I doubt she has either. With this much time together if I found out she slipped up I wouldn’t be angry, in fact I’d be kind of happy for her.

Interesting. Why?

different poster, also a man, and I actually totally understand this. Monogamy is a real slog, I am not a sexually jealous person and would be happy to each have our own get out of jail free for a moment to experience that thrill again. I would probably high-five my wife if she had a great time, as long as she didn't catch anything. If you're married a long time, it starts to make more sense than you think

Same here and I'm the DW. I told him that I don't want to know, but we're not getting divorced under any circumstances. After 25+ years and half my life with him, I don't begrudge him a night off.

If I found out my wife stepped out and didn't fess up quickly I'd probably have some feelings of frustration etc at first, but I think I'd quickly get over it. I'd be happy that the charade of monogamy had been chipped away a little. And I'd definitely take a turn.

But honestly, after being with the same woman for so many years I probably wouldn't be able to perform well for someone new, especially with a condom on. -np

Are all of you “ok” with it only because you think it would entitle you to a pass as well? What if your spouse cheated once, but she didn’t want you to cheat as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband. We’ve been together 24 years and I’ve never cheated and I doubt she has either. With this much time together if I found out she slipped up I wouldn’t be angry, in fact I’d be kind of happy for her.

Interesting. Why?

different poster, also a man, and I actually totally understand this. Monogamy is a real slog, I am not a sexually jealous person and would be happy to each have our own get out of jail free for a moment to experience that thrill again. I would probably high-five my wife if she had a great time, as long as she didn't catch anything. If you're married a long time, it starts to make more sense than you think

Same here and I'm the DW. I told him that I don't want to know, but we're not getting divorced under any circumstances. After 25+ years and half my life with him, I don't begrudge him a night off.

If I found out my wife stepped out and didn't fess up quickly I'd probably have some feelings of frustration etc at first, but I think I'd quickly get over it. I'd be happy that the charade of monogamy had been chipped away a little. And I'd definitely take a turn.

But honestly, after being with the same woman for so many years I probably wouldn't be able to perform well for someone new, especially with a condom on. -np

Is it important for you to know? I'm the DW PP above and I specifically stated to DH that I didn't want to know.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting to see others not care that much about cheating. I feel the same, like if my wife screwed someone else so what, it's totally a normal urge and then we can get real about exploring the doldrums of monogamy.

But of equal importance, why on Earth would I shred my finances and my kids future and my ability to retire just because she took some strange?

Can you have a word with my husband?