If OP wasn't such a twat, and you know, behaved like a normal adult, no one would even be talking about this.

If only he had a normal response and would take responsibility for what he did, no one would even be talking about this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

Wrong.

She's learned this pattern in some misguided effort to get him to engage, plus she's angry that he won't ever, and he never will...which is actually scary. It isn't about the trash. It is about his long term continuous "not giving a crap" about anything. She's angry that he doesn't care, and, frankly he doesn't. That makes her feel worthless. Over time it becomes apparent that it isn't a relationship at all, just a living arrangement.

He is possibly on the spectrum OR
He has learned to never engage in conflict due a parent that was all about conflict OR
He is dead inside because of depression, mental illness.

No, she isn't the one with the overall problem other than the fact that he will never be a real person, and she's conflicted on what to do about it.

She needs to understand that racheting it up won't get him to rachet it up. He's just a zombie. She can take it or leave it, but emotion won't breed emotion here.

If only he'd be less annoying, OP wouldn't yell so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

Wrong.

She's learned this pattern in some misguided effort to get him to engage, plus she's angry that he won't ever, and he never will...which is actually scary. It isn't about the trash. It is about his long term continuous "not giving a crap" about anything. She's angry that he doesn't care, and, frankly he doesn't. That makes her feel worthless. Over time it becomes apparent that it isn't a relationship at all, just a living arrangement.

He is possibly on the spectrum OR
He has learned to never engage in conflict due a parent that was all about conflict OR
He is dead inside because of depression, mental illness.

No, she isn't the one with the overall problem other than the fact that he will never be a real person, and she's conflicted on what to do about it.

She needs to understand that racheting it up won't get him to rachet it up. He's just a zombie. She can take it or leave it, but emotion won't breed emotion here.

+1000
Spot on if this is his MO for “communicating” with Op.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

Wrong.

She's learned this pattern in some misguided effort to get him to engage, plus she's angry that he won't ever, and he never will...which is actually scary. It isn't about the trash. It is about his long term continuous "not giving a crap" about anything. She's angry that he doesn't care, and, frankly he doesn't. That makes her feel worthless. Over time it becomes apparent that it isn't a relationship at all, just a living arrangement.

He is possibly on the spectrum OR
He has learned to never engage in conflict due a parent that was all about conflict OR
He is dead inside because of depression, mental illness.

No, she isn't the one with the overall problem other than the fact that he will never be a real person, and she's conflicted on what to do about it.

She needs to understand that racheting it up won't get him to rachet it up. He's just a zombie. She can take it or leave it, but emotion won't breed emotion here.

+1000
Spot on if this is his MO for “communicating” with Op.

My husband admitted to baiting me to get an emotional response to feel like he was winning. I don't think whether that's happening matters all that much in the short term. You can't let people bait you into screaming at them, you still have to walk away and figure out some coping mechanisms. And individual therapy to talk about your relationship, whether you're the abuser or the abused or some of both. And responding better will give you insight into what's happening. If you try to stop and he escalates things, there you go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

+1 I could see being annoyed by the trash thing, but OP you escalated to the point of insanity. Once you're screaming in his face, what do you honestly want him to do? Scream back? Fight you physically? One of you has to stay calm, FFS. I feel sorry for your husband.

Don't you get it? She's not mad about the items? She's wondering where his personality is. That might lead to a lot of screaming.

given HER personality, any wonder why he is emotionally distant? You make sh*t up just to fit your own narrative rather than see things for what they are in reality. OP is the problem and honestly, a f**king nightmare.

Typo,

meant to say in a verbally abusive relationship it is
common for the verbally abused spouse to "shut down".

It is common for people be it male or female to
"shut down" i.e. not engage when they are in a verbally
abusive relationship.

Again, in a verbally abusive relationship it is common
for the spouse being verbally abusive to "shut down"
and not engage. It is easier and why should they
rock the boat.

If the neighbors called the cops due to yelling there
is a huge problem. Escalating to a one sided
screaming match is way out of proportion to
a spouse throwing some items out.

Get professional long term counseling for yourself.
Work on yourself first. See a professional for anger
management. Then I'd look into long term
marriage counseling.

Signed...a woman who had a verbally abusive
husband who turned on a dime and would
go off yelling at me sometimes for up to a 1/2 hour
over extremely minor stuff. I "shut down" too.
You can't engage with someone who is irrationally
yelling at you. I would not have written a list either.
Writing a list for things to discuss would just
cause my husband to fly off and yell about more stupid stuff and irrational stuff.

I feel for they guy who is most likely trying to
keep the peace and not have the cops called.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is more satisfying than destabilizing my wife and making her livid. It is a great game I like to play, let's me know I'm in control.

You are a sociopath, or a troll

Yeah, this may be a troll, but it explains what happened here. Well played.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is out of line for screaming. But her husband started this fight by putting things that she already put aside for donations in the trash. Why would anybody do that? That's a complete dick move. Both of them are culpable in this dynamic.

Why is everyone so hard on OP only?

Because neighbors don't call the police and potentially send someone to jail for someone throwing away toys.

+1. OP is an abuser and her husband should leave ASAP before this escalates and she ends up killing him one day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

+1 I could see being annoyed by the trash thing, but OP you escalated to the point of insanity. Once you're screaming in his face, what do you honestly want him to do? Scream back? Fight you physically? One of you has to stay calm, FFS. I feel sorry for your husband.

Don't you get it? She's not mad about the items? She's wondering where his personality is. That might lead to a lot of screaming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to go to counseling right away. This is definitely your problem. People do not deserve to be screamed at because they stayed calm. People do not deserve to be screamed at full stop.

The police came. Because of you. And you still think your husband is the problem? Your husband is not the problem. You need to get yourself some help ASAP.

This. Good lord yes. Your husband speaks to you calmly and you scream at him? YOU are the problem. The sooner you acknowledge this and deal with you being the problem, the better for everyone.

Wrong.

She's learned this pattern in some misguided effort to get him to engage, plus she's angry that he won't ever, and he never will...which is actually scary. It isn't about the trash. It is about his long term continuous "not giving a crap" about anything. She's angry that he doesn't care, and, frankly he doesn't. That makes her feel worthless. Over time it becomes apparent that it isn't a relationship at all, just a living arrangement.

He is possibly on the spectrum OR
He has learned to never engage in conflict due a parent that was all about conflict OR
He is dead inside because of depression, mental illness.

No, she isn't the one with the overall problem other than the fact that he will never be a real person, and she's conflicted on what to do about it.

She needs to understand that racheting it up won't get him to rachet it up. He's just a zombie. She can take it or leave it, but emotion won't breed emotion here.

Anonymous wrote:OP is out of line for screaming. But her husband started this fight by putting things that she already put aside for donations in the trash. Why would anybody do that? That's a complete dick move. Both of them are culpable in this dynamic.

Why is everyone so hard on OP only?

Because neighbors don't call the police and potentially send someone to jail for someone throwing away toys.

OP is out of line for screaming. But her husband started this fight by putting things that she already put aside for donations in the trash. Why would anybody do that? That's a complete dick move. Both of them are culpable in this dynamic.

Why is everyone so hard on OP only?