Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work really hard to set my kids up to succeed behavior-wise. I make sure they've peed, they're not hungry or thirsty, not over-tired, etc.

When I forget one of those, their behavior goes to crap. And I consider that my fault.

When I have all of those under control, I am 98% confident I will get good behavior from them by age 3.

This is a good way to frame it pp- here’s what I’m asking- if you don’t “set your kids up for success” - say they are out too late or hungry etc- when can they regulate? My 4.5 yo behaves great, but every outing includes a lot of prep from me- the timing, the snack, etc. We had a great day today but I am still heavily orchestrating that success. When can they regulate around their hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation etc?

Just yesterday I had a long talk with my 10 year old about his behavior. He was at a sleepover the night before and so was terribly overtired. And he was a nightmare behavior wise. At this point, I expect that he's able to keep himself pulled together even when he doesn't feel like it, but it's still a work in progress.

If I understand what you’re asking, op, for my dd it was age 7.

I’ve always been careful to set her up for success and she’s always been pretty easy to take places, but a lot of it had to do with me paving the way for her to be comfortable, interested, etc.

But I took her to Europe when she was 7 and I remember being impressed with how well she handled jet lag, pushing her endurance for staying up late with family, trying new foods politely, independently expressing gratitude and interest, etc. I wasn’t “managing” her on that trip - she was doing her own regulation when she was out of her comfort zone.

Ludicrous not Roy^^

You have to start from the beginning! It isudi Roy's to think that you can let them be Feral until age five and then expect them to know how to behave at age five. Yes, it takes time and patience but it is part of being a parent. My children knew how to behave in restaurants and in public and at hone, at age three because if they cried or misbehaved we left immediately left whether in Restaurant, park, or someone else's house on a playdate.

Depends on the parents and when you make expectations clear. Kids get away with what you let them get away with. Follow through, be consistent, and their behavior isn’t just determined by the personality of the child.

I think 7 or 8

My daughter had a bad year at 4; otherwise she's generally been great in public. BUT... a lot of work and preparation went into making this happen. We started eating outside the house about a week after she was born and never really stopped. I always went places with everything we might need - formula, extra diapers, extra outfit, snacks, stuff to do, etc. And we picked restaurants and mealtimes carefully so that we weren't wasting our "good behavior time" waiting for a table. We generally stuck to our sleep/nap schedule so she wasn't going into something overtired. We taught her indoor voice vs. outdoor voice, and different behavior standards for different places.

I can count on one hand the times she's misbehaved in public and she's 10. To be fair, she is neurotypical and fairly easygoing/resilient by nature so we lucked out in that aspect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work really hard to set my kids up to succeed behavior-wise. I make sure they've peed, they're not hungry or thirsty, not over-tired, etc.

When I forget one of those, their behavior goes to crap. And I consider that my fault.

When I have all of those under control, I am 98% confident I will get good behavior from them by age 3.

This is a good way to frame it pp- here’s what I’m asking- if you don’t “set your kids up for success” - say they are out too late or hungry etc- when can they regulate? My 4.5 yo behaves great, but every outing includes a lot of prep from me- the timing, the snack, etc. We had a great day today but I am still heavily orchestrating that success. When can they regulate around their hunger, thirst, tiredness, overstimulation etc?

Honestly, if I don't eat a meal, beware. And I'm almost 40.

+1

I'm not sure what OP is expecting. Adults get tired, cranky, hangry. So do kids.

Oh come in. Assuming you’re in a public place or at work etc. you’re not going to have a screaming meltdown or start crying because you’re hungry or tired. I expect that what she’s asking. I would say around 5 depending on the kid.

Most adults having a tantrum disguise it by yelling at someone lower in the power structure than they are -- their spouse, their child, or a service worker.

The resource I suggest is the book I think answers this best, The New Dare to Discipline. This book goes up to about 7 years of age and is a really helpful guide for parents who want to maintain balance-not falling lax or not having expectations beyond what is reasonable. We all mature at different rates and developmental stages fall differently for each of us. Environment has a lot to do with maturation rate i.e. place in family, community, parent expectations, personal differences. You sound like a great and caring parent and will do a good job. I pray that this book will help to provide some guidelines. I pray that God will bless you and your family.

It all depends on whether the child has something to do/is bored. I teach, and we don’t ask 6 year olds to sit passively in assemblies or presentation-style teaching for more than about 15 min. at a time. If we do, there will be lots of squirming, whispering, fights between neighbors. We can extend the time kids can endure by changing up the activity, and giving them movement breaks.

So if your child is engaged with a museum exhibit or has a screen to look at, you’ll get a very different set of behaviors than asking a kid to sit quietly while adults talk at dinner or trying to get a child to endure a shopping trip.