Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Now I make a lot of money and have a wonderful husband. Honestly it never occurred to me to try to find someone to "take care of" me. But I think people live the lives they see modeled, and my mom worked. If you saw your mom living a pampered life, never working, and spending all her mental energy on staying pretty I guess that's what you'd try to find.

I've heard that if you marry for money you pay for it every day of your life, and while I'm sure that's not always true I think there's some truth to it.

It’s anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on not working had working mothers.

Funny, it's anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on working had moms who were stay at home moms.

This is me and my sister. We were raised by a SAHM who wanted us to have great careers and that is what we have. She is very proud.

For me as well. My mom felt trapped in her marriage and raised us to be educated and to not rely on a spouse. What we all took out of that was to find someone we loved and we all work. None of us are divorced and are happily married My mother taught us well

Funny how many of us have the same story. This is all true for my sister and me as well. In addition to our mom pushing us to get the best education possible so we'd be employable, we were also driven by the terrible financial anxiety that comes with having a SAHM and an unstable father. Our dad actually valued working and was a good provider, but his alcoholism and DUIs made us feel that things could come crashing down at any time. We were fortunately grown when they did.

You sound really hostile and mean OP. Are you an angry man holed up in your basement with anger fantasies against women? I work hard and so does DH, but I don't care what other people do. Women are ill-advised to "bag a man" as you said because many men have affairs and leave their middle aged wives. Get over your anger and MYOB.

I think as a woman you can’t plan on finding a guy who wants to stay home and be the primary parent. Most of the highest paying jobs require a time commitment that makes it hard to have a working spouse. So women who know they want children/family have different options, realistically, than men. There are exceptions, and one can try to be the exception, but there aren’t that many female executives with male partners who used to teach but now stay home with the kids. And marriage/family with two high powered execs is a different thing with different up and down sides. Some will want it, but not everyone.

Anonymous wrote:My goal is to meet my financial equal. I make a decent salary and I expect him to bring the same to the table.

The reality is that woman usually provide the bulk of the child care and household management duties. So if I bring $X salary to the table, anticipate being the primary care giver, and running the household, I don't think it's asking a lot for my future mate to at least bring the same financially to the table.

Plus be the Man if the House and manage the family. Once you are married with kids you can’t pretend you don’t have more responsibilities and dump them all in your SAH or working spouse.thats the recipe for divorce and you all know it.

Don’t have kids if you’re not going to put them first. Only providing a paycheck is not putting them first.

Anonymous wrote:There have been some threads recently about women angling to find a “rich” husband. Why not worry about becoming rich in one’s own right?

Yeah! So they can work 24/7 and be on their iPhones all night/vacation/weekend prioritizing office work over family, spouse, home, family schedule all the time. Yeah! Have both parents not give an F about the family. Should work well.

Due to assortive mating patterns, if a woman's goal is to marry a high earning guy, focusing on her own earning capacity may be the best strategy. Marriages are much more endogamous (economically speaking) these days. A male doctor or investment banker is much more likely to marry a female attorney, professor, etc. than someone who only has a high school diploma.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Now I make a lot of money and have a wonderful husband. Honestly it never occurred to me to try to find someone to "take care of" me. But I think people live the lives they see modeled, and my mom worked. If you saw your mom living a pampered life, never working, and spending all her mental energy on staying pretty I guess that's what you'd try to find.

I've heard that if you marry for money you pay for it every day of your life, and while I'm sure that's not always true I think there's some truth to it.

It’s anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on not working had working mothers.

Funny, it's anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on working had moms who were stay at home moms.

This is me and my sister. We were raised by a SAHM who wanted us to have great careers and that is what we have. She is very proud.

For me as well. My mom felt trapped in her marriage and raised us to be educated and to not rely on a spouse. What we all took out of that was to find someone we loved and we all work. None of us are divorced and are happily married My mother taught us well

I make a very good living but I would not recommend my DDs necessarily follow in my foot steps. As a woman in a male dominated field, you have to work harder and do better and you still don’t get the same respect as men who are less productive. On the other hand, I have friends who spend the summer at their beach house, winter skiing in Utah and spend their days working out, luncheoning and volunteering. In this society, I sometimes think the path they took was for the best.

My goal is to meet my financial equal. I make a decent salary and I expect him to bring the same to the table.

The reality is that woman usually provide the bulk of the child care and household management duties. So if I bring $X salary to the table, anticipate being the primary care giver, and running the household, I don't think it's asking a lot for my future mate to at least bring the same financially to the table.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. Now I make a lot of money and have a wonderful husband. Honestly it never occurred to me to try to find someone to "take care of" me. But I think people live the lives they see modeled, and my mom worked. If you saw your mom living a pampered life, never working, and spending all her mental energy on staying pretty I guess that's what you'd try to find.

I've heard that if you marry for money you pay for it every day of your life, and while I'm sure that's not always true I think there's some truth to it.

It’s anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on not working had working mothers.

Funny, it's anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on working had moms who were stay at home moms.

This is me and my sister. We were raised by a SAHM who wanted us to have great careers and that is what we have. She is very proud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s anecdotal, but the women I know who were the most hellbent on not working had working mothers.

Anecdotal indeed. Harvard researchers concluded the opposite. https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/kids-benefit-from-having-a-working-mom

NP. Look at how that study defines working mom. "Did your mother ever work for pay, after you were born and before you were 14?" Really low bar to prove anything about working vs not working.
I agree with PP. My mom worked full time since I was in kindergarten. All I saw was stress and unhappiness. My dad actually stayed home with us, and I had 2 really involved grandmas, but it wasn't the same. I only felt truly happy and comfortable when mom was home. Looking at my mom's example convinced me to find a husband with a good job and stay at home.

I thought I married a woman who was going to work hard and make a lot of money.

Turns out, her plan was to not work at all and nag me continually to get better jobs and make more money for her to spend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in HS whose main goal in life was to marry a doctor.....I was always like why don’t you become a doctor yourself?

Women are nurturers and would rather not work. That's science.

Imagine how much better our medical system would be if doctors were nurturers. But true, most don't give a sh*t.

Anonymous wrote:Women who are financially secure are in a dating pool of men who are not as well off

Therefore asking questions such as “instead of bagging a rich guy” is saying hey be ok with that poor guy and struggle the rest of your life

IOW: It's OK for a woman to bag a "rich guy" but no OK for a man for bag a "rich woman"

Typical DCUM double standard.

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in HS whose main goal in life was to marry a doctor.....I was always like why don’t you become a doctor yourself?

Women are nurturers and would rather not work. That's science.