Anonymous wrote:When you don’t have kids you don’t care about grocery shopping and meals. It’s a different mindset. I also don’t understand how the kitchen is messy if they are not cooking.

+2
And you definitely dont care nor have a kid-centric schedule on your mind when you don't have kids.

Why don't you just do your thing and not fret about others?


To add, I'm sure your ILs are thinking the same thing "how is DH's wife so clueless and rude?" I can see them writing this same post.
The feeling is mutual op.

OP - do you help MIL when you visit them and she cleans and cooks?

ILs are paying. They prob figure it is OP and her DH’s job to contribute by taking care of them.

I mean good for your MIL tbh.

Holy cow. Whenever DH tries to talk me into doing this kind of "vacation," I show him one of these threads and it shuts it right down.

And for those saying "just leave their mess alone and don't clean it..." you'd really be ok with living in a filthy stinky house?

Sorry OP, sounds like this was not thought out ahead of time and I agree with you that this kind of family time does not work for you all. If you are describing the scenario accurately though, there's some huge lack of communication happening. Asking people if they're going to do something or waiting them out to read your mind isn't going to work. Get DH to TELL THEM that they need to clean up their mess - it doesn't need to be a fight, but you do need to insist.

And if they won't, leave early.

Anonymous wrote:OP - you standards are not their standards. You're idea of dinner is not their idea of dinner.

We don't know how bad it really is, or whether you are too rigid. Certainly you've lived with other people before, and know that sometimes it's just not a good match. And shouldn't be done. Doesn't need to ruin the relationship over it.

Pp. I don't get your post. If i was on vacation with my inlaws I wpuld not sit back and expect them to cook for me or clean up! Are you telling me that you wouldn't notice or care that your sib and spousr are doing all the work? What kind of "standards" do you have? I'm sure sib is making pancakes for their kids and then lazy sib says can you make a pancake for sally and sam?

Wouldn't you offer to clean or shop or cook food? Op, i would refuse vacationing in one big house. Get your own house and see them when you want to.

I normally post a table on the fridge showing 7 days of the week 3 mealtimes each and I announce that it's worked for us in group settings in the past to have people indicate in the table which meals each person/couple/family is responsible for - to the extend people want to participate in this arrangement (this part is important). Meals that no one is responsible for - people can order takeout or go out together or separately.

Then, I would put my name down for a few meals. I cook a breakfast on the first day and one or two more meals (easy stuff, like grilled chicken salad). Others start signing up and cooking. Usually, but...

...if people are not indicating they want to participate in this, that is good to know too, I know to be responsible for my family's meals only. Does not need to be a standoff. I understand other people may have dietary and activity preferences different from our family's.

Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them. The first day you should’ve said something to your brother and sister-in-law. Before the trip you should have asked who was responsible for which meals.

This is why we’re trying a cruise next year. No cooking or dishes for anyone.

OP, make the decision TODAY that you will be leaving on Monday (or Tuesday). Whatever you do DO NOT BE there on Wednesday or you will absolutely get stuck with cleaning. And don't tell them in advance that you're leaving early or they might try to leave earlier! Seriously. Don't do this again and your husband should tell them that. NEVER AGAIN

OP, just don't do a shared house situation again. It was always more trouble than it was worth for us, even though we made changes every single year to try to fix things. At the end of the day, neither my husband nor I enjoyed the trips (it's his family but he's not close with his sister), so now we don't do them. They're messy and lazy and let their kids sit on devices all day so it's just not a good mix for us. My mother in law is sad about that, but my husband doesn't think it's our problem. We spend plenty of time with his parents and even with the cousins, but we no longer do joint house stays. Just get separate houses in the future, it makes life so much easier!

Lots of people don't want to spend their vacations cooking and cleaning. Look after yourselves and let them look after themselves. They may be fine with eating out, or eating snacks / prepared food.

OP, what happened at dinner last night?

I’d leave early. Too stressful. Dont do this trip again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just go out to eat earlier with your nuclear family? Stop being a martyr and just do your own thing, like your in-laws.

Not being a martyr at all - my kids were fed when they needed to be. They were melting down just because they were tired.

Then what does that have to do with your in-laws' decision to go out to eat? If they'd already eaten, put them to bed already!

I meant that DH and I could not both go out to eat at that point since the kids were too tired.

That was probably their intention. They probably needed a break from the kids. Especially if you acknowledge that they have been misbehaving (even if you feel you have a valid reason for why you were too busy to deal with them).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just go out to eat earlier with your nuclear family? Stop being a martyr and just do your own thing, like your in-laws.

Not being a martyr at all - my kids were fed when they needed to be. They were melting down just because they were tired.

Then what does that have to do with your in-laws' decision to go out to eat? If they'd already eaten, put them to bed already!

I meant that DH and I could not both go out to eat at that point since the kids were too tired.

Uber Eats, pizza delivery, Chinese delivery...

Not to mention you stay at the house or DH stays at the house while other one gets food. COME ON.