Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 17:45     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Interesting thread. I am pretty sure my daughter is gay, or at least on the gay spectrum. She is 22 and has never shown any real interest in boys, and never had a boyfriend.

Additionally, she has had one particularly close female friend since 4th grade. I see their relationship as "more" than just friends. It would not surprise me at all if they came out. Honestly, I wish she would because she is in general very angry.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 17:38     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:There were a few, might or might not be, signs in early teens. When she wanted a Subaru for her first car, we knew.


Idiot.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 17:35     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:Would you say that looking back on your daughter's childhood or teen years, before she came out, that there were indicators that she was gay that you may not have picked up on at the time?


Yes
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 16:56     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anyone here with a gay daughter who WASN'T a tomboy, and was in fact rather feminine and had crushes on boys as a kid?


I was girly (sparkly dresses, nail polish, ballet) and had "crushes" on boys as a kid. I'm gay.

I went through a tomboy phase during puberty, but now I'm still pretty feminine - long hair, some makeup, occasionally wear dresses. Refuse to paint my nails though.


My DD thought you HAD to marry a boy and picked one out because he seemed nice enough. She says that she was prepared to go through with it for the cake and dress until MD passed Marriage Equality and she realized she had a better option.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 16:51     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
I’m a bisexual woman who mostly dates women. I didn’t realize till I was 18, came out to friends at 20, and parents at 24. I fit the stereotype growing up, I was mostly interested in sports and the arts, I didn’t wear make-up, and I felt extremely uncomfortable when friends talked about male crushes. What’s interesting now though is that 50% of the woman I have liked in college or post-grad have been gay too. And these are just random, peripheral crushes when I didn’t know someone’s sexuality initially. That’s a much higher rate than the general population, so maybe we have common personality traits or looks?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 16:45     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
I’ve worked with kids for most of my adult life. Some kids, I just knew they were gay. Literally, from when they were 3 or 4. Others, I noticed a lack of interest in the opposite sex when they were tween/teens and thought they were probably gay/lesbian. About 90% of the time, the kids can out as gay/lesbian. I was surprised when my own child came out as bi, but it certainly doesn’t bother me.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 15:17     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.




What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.


NP often art and creativity comes from a sense of being on the outside and looking in. Feeling like you are not the norm and trying to figure out how to express it can be a drive for artistic pursuits. Additionally, it often requires and embraces an ability to buck the norms of society. There needs to be a certain level of confidence to be able to pursue a passion like that when society and well meaning parents often worry about stability and other pragmatic concerns.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 15:13     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:My DD is a lesbian. I’ve always suspected it. Even as a toddler she never really had friends who were boys. She was a princess all the way. She’s always been into fashion and looking perfect, and she definitely marches to her own drummer. The only two friends she had in elementary school who were boys were both very effeminate (they were bronies when she was obsessed with MLP, and would play dress up in her princess costumes instead of insisting on being a superhero or masculine character).

She’s very artistic and goes to art school. She’s the most sensitive, empathetic, kindest person I’ve ever met. She’s very pretty, and boys always flock to her at first, but she gives off a major uninterested vibe so by the third week of school she’s managed to surround herself with girls as a sort of buffer to the boys. Before she was out, whenever boys would ask her out, she’d match them up with a friend instead. I think it was for her 10th birthday party, when planning the guest list I asked if she wanted to invite any boys. She looked at me genuinely perplexed and said, why would I want to invite any boys?

She came out as pan first. I never like to second guess how anyone identifies, but I always thought she was trying to be inclusive or keep her options open so she could fit in if she needed. The only crushes she ever had on boys were a mystery crush in 7th grade and a crush on Shawn Mendez when Stitches was big. Now she identifies as a lesbian. No one was surprised when she came out. It just made sense.

She’s not a tomboy, not butch, loves dresses, lace, has long hair, her makeup is always perfect, keeps her nails long and perfectly manicured, and never played a sport aside from cheerleading. She’s basically a lipstick lesbian, but she really dislikes that term.




Do you think being artsy has something to do with it? It seems to me that outside of the sporty, tomboyish lesbians, the next big"camp" tends to be the artsy ones. They tend to be more feminine (although with an "alternative" aesthetic), and often don't totally identify as being lesbian.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 15:07     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.




What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.


there's a correlation between minority status and creativity/achievement. Basically, you think differently in many different ways. On the flip side, if you think differently and are creative, you're likely more open minded about sexuality as well.





But how would being open minded about sexuality affect one's sexual orientation?


NP. I don’t think it affects their sexuality, but it can affect how they present their sexuality. Someone with rigid, closed minded views on gender and sexuality might feel obligated to repress any same sex attraction they feel. Someone who’s more open minded, in theory, would be more okay with being out and open about it, since there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 15:04     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
My DD is a lesbian. I’ve always suspected it. Even as a toddler she never really had friends who were boys. She was a princess all the way. She’s always been into fashion and looking perfect, and she definitely marches to her own drummer. The only two friends she had in elementary school who were boys were both very effeminate (they were bronies when she was obsessed with MLP, and would play dress up in her princess costumes instead of insisting on being a superhero or masculine character).

She’s very artistic and goes to art school. She’s the most sensitive, empathetic, kindest person I’ve ever met. She’s very pretty, and boys always flock to her at first, but she gives off a major uninterested vibe so by the third week of school she’s managed to surround herself with girls as a sort of buffer to the boys. Before she was out, whenever boys would ask her out, she’d match them up with a friend instead. I think it was for her 10th birthday party, when planning the guest list I asked if she wanted to invite any boys. She looked at me genuinely perplexed and said, why would I want to invite any boys?

She came out as pan first. I never like to second guess how anyone identifies, but I always thought she was trying to be inclusive or keep her options open so she could fit in if she needed. The only crushes she ever had on boys were a mystery crush in 7th grade and a crush on Shawn Mendez when Stitches was big. Now she identifies as a lesbian. No one was surprised when she came out. It just made sense.

She’s not a tomboy, not butch, loves dresses, lace, has long hair, her makeup is always perfect, keeps her nails long and perfectly manicured, and never played a sport aside from cheerleading. She’s basically a lipstick lesbian, but she really dislikes that term.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 15:01     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.




What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.


there's a correlation between minority status and creativity/achievement. Basically, you think differently in many different ways. On the flip side, if you think differently and are creative, you're likely more open minded about sexuality as well.





But how would being open minded about sexuality affect one's sexual orientation?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 14:46     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I knew my son was gay when he was a toddler. By the time he was in preschool it was pretty clear to everyone. He’s a happily married surgeon now with two straight (we think) kids of his own.


What? How do you know your son is gay when he’s under 3 years old?



Honestly I just knew. It was a combination of things that all pointed to him being on a different “journey” than my other boys.


Let me guess, the others were “all boy” rough and tumble?



DP. You can roll your eyes all you want, but these stereotypes exist for a reason.


Stop conflating gender expression with sexuality. My older DD was a tomboy until 15 and is straight. My younger DD was super princess girly until 12, is obsessed with hair and makeup and is a lesbian.


I don't think anyone knows what gender expression versus sexuality is anymore The term seems to change from person to person.

But even if we want to take your stance, you might want to consider not trapping yourself into thinking that your exception must mean there are no norms or standards or rules. Just because a girl was obsessed with hair and makeup and later became a lesbian doesn't mean that many, many lesbians showed very little interest in these girly activities to the point that it's almost a cliche.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 14:45     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
I wouldn’t care if either of my kids are gay but I doubt they will be based on their behaviors .
But you never know....
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 14:43     Subject: Re:If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We knew my neighbor was gay at age 3. He was in love with dresses and pretty things. He would play dress up with my daughters for hours. He has always loved anything artistic: drawing, painting, ballet, fashion.
By age 8 or so he started using very effeminate and dramatic mannerisms.
He's now a teenager and out.

I love this kid like my own--our kids grew up together. It's been fascinating to who he has become. He's a very interesting and cool kid.




What is the connection with being artistic and gay? I know that not all gay men are effeminate, but there does seem to be such a huge connection between homosexuality and creativity. This connection seems to exist among females as well. My friend's daughter is in art school, and she says there's not a single straight girl there. Granted many are pan and have boyfriends, but none of them are simply straight. I really do wonder what the connection is.



Some link in the brain chemistry?


No, there's nothing genetic or "brain chemistry" about it, not more than African American's success in music and entertainment is due to genetics or brain chemistry. It's just being more open to different forms of expression because you're outside of the mainstream to begin with. And also there's likely some confirmation bias going on as well.


But in sports?

I've noticed some people want to believe that everyone is born a blank slate, that we are literally identical as babies regardless of race or gender or sexuality and the differences among people is only a result of cultural environments rather than innateness. But I don't agree. While culture definitely plays a role, there is still much to be said about innate differences among groups of people that leads them to gravitate towards certain things. Homosexuals as a group do seem to gravitate towards certain things and activities and styles regardless of where they come from. It seems to cross race and economics.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2019 14:33     Subject: If you have a daughter who is gay, in hindsight were there any previous 'clues"?
Anonymous wrote:Anyone here with a gay daughter who WASN'T a tomboy, and was in fact rather feminine and had crushes on boys as a kid?


I was girly (sparkly dresses, nail polish, ballet) and had "crushes" on boys as a kid. I'm gay.

I went through a tomboy phase during puberty, but now I'm still pretty feminine - long hair, some makeup, occasionally wear dresses. Refuse to paint my nails though.