Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.

?

The mortgage on our 5 bedroom colonial in MoCo is very low since we got lucky with the market when we traded up. (Lived frugally and saved for a big down payment on our starter home; worked since HS and during college, so we both had little nest eggs and investments starting young).

Our kids go to excellent public schools. (Zero tuition)

We never really had childcare costs since the grandparents were local (just typical 1/2 day nursery school and pre-k).

We didn't have student loans (parents paid for college, spouse paid for grad school for the other spouse---married younger than most in dcumlandia) and we have no debt other than the super low mortgage and one modest car payment.

One of us has a traditional pension; the other has a quasi pension. Plus, we're saving for retirement. Lots of investments.

One of us has a union/government type job, so our family has Cadillac health insurance. (Think: no deductible, $10 copays, zero costs to have a baby or surgery, prescriptions are $8, etc.).

We will inherit some money, and the grandparents are contributing to college savings. We went to state schools, and I hope our kids realize there's no need to spend $200k+ on college when UMCP still costs pennies comparatively speaking.

I think it's interesting that you assumed our financial situation is the same as yours simply based on HHI.

We travel. We have fun. The kids do a lot of activities and sports. We're frugal, but we have nice stuff. We don't worry about money.

There's really no need for you to believe we're selfish for bringing 4 kids into the world.

But, can you pay cash for 4 kids at UMD. If you didn't do the prepaid, the cost is still easily $100-130K per child depending on major, where they live, etc. We did the prepaid so its been long paid for and have a 529 for room and board, but I still cannot see doing it with 4 kids. But, since we don't have cash in hand, I'm not planning for inheritance or grandparents helping.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.

?

The mortgage on our 5 bedroom colonial in MoCo is very low since we got lucky with the market when we traded up. (Lived frugally and saved for a big down payment on our starter home; worked since HS and during college, so we both had little nest eggs and investments starting young).

Our kids go to excellent public schools. (Zero tuition)

We never really had childcare costs since the grandparents were local (just typical 1/2 day nursery school and pre-k).

We didn't have student loans (parents paid for college, spouse paid for grad school for the other spouse---married younger than most in dcumlandia) and we have no debt other than the super low mortgage and one modest car payment.

One of us has a traditional pension; the other has a quasi pension. Plus, we're saving for retirement. Lots of investments.

One of us has a union/government type job, so our family has Cadillac health insurance. (Think: no deductible, $10 copays, zero costs to have a baby or surgery, prescriptions are $8, etc.).

We will inherit some money, and the grandparents are contributing to college savings. We went to state schools, and I hope our kids realize there's no need to spend $200k+ on college when UMCP still costs pennies comparatively speaking.

I think it's interesting that you assumed our financial situation is the same as yours simply based on HHI.

We travel. We have fun. The kids do a lot of activities and sports. We're frugal, but we have nice stuff. We don't worry about money.

There's really no need for you to believe we're selfish for bringing 4 kids into the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

Anonymous wrote:Your husband doesn't want another kid. Period.

But don't be fooled by the money argument. You make $500k. Another kid won't be a financial burden. I mean, you aren't falling for that argument, are you?

My SIL often laments the fact that they "couldn't afford" a third kid. They live in a $2 million professionally decorated home in a desirable area. Kids in top private prep schools. Country club. Multiple vacations each year (think: Tuscany, Greece, Japan, 4 Seasons Nevis, etc). She's a SAHM who plays tennis at the club and hasn't worked since she got pregnant. I'm sure her husband earns far more than $500k, yet he somehow managed to convince her they couldn't afford a third. Weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.

Really, you can’t imagine? Can you not manage your finances well? Or did you take out too large of a mortgage? This is not a hard task on $250k. You save, spend wisely, and are not lavish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a PITA to deal with travel and emergencies with 4. I have 3, my sister has 5. We have considered a 4th many times, but as our youngest gets older (she’s 2.5), we’re more and more at peace with “only” 3. It’s already difficult with vacation planning, getting a suite instead of a regular hotel room (or getting two separate rooms). Getting an Uber or regular taxi in a pinch is more difficult. It’s still doable, but it’s just more, and not in a fun way. These reasons alone may not be enough to nix having a 4th, but there examples of many inconveniences that I certainly didn’t think about when we were making #3.

Reading your post, though, OP, the only reason you need is that DH isn’t on board. It’s not that his feelings are more important than yours, it’s that you both can deal with your resentment as adults, but if he’s the one that gets the resentment, in this scenario, there’s another child that has to deal with it.

I'm not sure it's wise to base the decision on inconveniences like uber or hotel rooms...particularly with a HHI of $500k.

We have 4 kids. We travel a lot, and we either rent a suite, villa or two hotel rooms. And we've never used uber (rent a car, hire a driver, get a minivan/SUV taxi, etc.). And our HHI is *only* $250ish.

I cannot imagine 4 kids in this area on that income. We have that income and I don't get how you pay for college and to me to have kids today and not pay on that kind of income is very selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are a little hooked on the pregnancy/baby stage. Can you see yourself not in this role anymore? Do you feel like you might end up wanting 5 if you do have 4? I don’t think your husband’s reluctance is money-based. That’s a ton of kids close in age.

No I don't want 5.

Families with 4 kids is really common in the suburbs.

Suburbs of Salt Lake City, maybe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want a fourth but my husband is less convinced. He is more focused on the financial aspect of another kid, which I realize is not insignificant. We make around 500k so we could afford another kid but in his eyes, it would detract from the lifestyle we could provide for the three we have right now. With our three, we can afford to fully pay for their educations, do some pretty cool travel, let them go to whatever camps or extracurricular activities they want, etc. etc.

The point is, we don't really have to worry about money right now but we might after having a fourth.

Is that a good reason not to have a child you want?

These seem like fantastic reasons to stick with three. Don’t hear any great reasons for a fourth. Also, if you work or plan to return to work at some point, it will be more difficult with four, in terms of juggling and paying for activities like sports, sleepaway camps, vacations, etc.

Their HHI is $500k. There's no risk of struggling to pay for sports, camp, vacations, etc. None.

dp But there is only so much time in a day. Will you be able to give your child the emotional and physical presence? To me, that is just as important as financial. Plus, as someone else put it if one person says no than you shouldn't go for it. Sorry! Your kids are still little and you basically have a baby right now. Just enjoy your family. Don't have a fourth just because your friends have four.

Nobody has 4 bc their friends do.

And contrary to popular belief in dcumlandia, good parents most certainly can provide their kids with emotional and physical presence...even when they have 4. As a parent of 4, I've observed many parents who clearly stopped at 2 because they weren't interested in parenting. These are the parents who prioritize their hobbies (golf, biking, whatever) and social lives. Their FB feed supports the theory.

Anonymous wrote:Do a little googling on the environment. Stop being selfish

Anonymous wrote:DH earns 900k and I don’t want to have three, let alone four. Sure we can afford three but then we will have to cut back on our lifestyle. I like not having to think about budgeting or signing up my kids for whatever extracurricular they fancy. Or putting money away for an emergency and retirement and college.

Anonymous wrote:DH earns 900k and I don’t want to have three, let alone four. Sure we can afford three but then we will have to cut back on our lifestyle. I like not having to think about budgeting or signing up my kids for whatever extracurricular they fancy. Or putting money away for an emergency and retirement and college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love is infinite. However time and money are finite. Whatever you have to give to the fourth will take away from the other three.

Not quite. And not really a money issue when your HHI is $500.

$500 doesn’t cut it with tuition. My niece was diagnosed with severe dyslexia. Her elementary school alone is $52K a year. 500k a year, minus mortgage, retirement savings, taxes, healthcare, tuition and extracurricular times 3, leaves very little left over