Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!

We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.

We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.

How are you selfish for having one kid?

I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me

I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?

Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?

Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.

Mom of two here -- one issue I have with parents of singles is how darn defensive you get of something that is a total non-issue - it comes off as being smug and know-it-all. Frankly, I really don't care how many kids you have, you do do. But please, you don't need to rub it in my face that you have so much free time, life is so much easier for you, you're just SO THRILLED that you got your life back and don't ever have to deal with dirty diapers again. It's really annoying.

Why is that a problem for you if you chose otherwise? Aren’t you just SO THRILLED that you gave your child a lifelong BFF?

It's a problem because it's annoying when people say things like that. Just like it's annoying to OP that parents of two talk about how special the bond between siblings is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings socialize kids in a way that friends cannot.

And?

Being an only child also has positive and neutral effects that having siblings cannot replicate. Thus?

Are the positive effects more money? More undivided attention? The latter seems to actually have a harmful effect according to the science (leading to self-centered, less tolerant kids).

Sharing a bedroom and your parents' attention with siblings is a character building experience. Fact.

Mom of two here - shut up, you're not helping anyone with this. There are benefits and drawbacks to both. Families can make whatever the hell choice they want, and do what they think is best for their families.

*Sharing a bedroom SUCKED.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!

We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.

We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.

How are you selfish for having one kid?

I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me

I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?

Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?

Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.

Mom of two here -- one issue I have with parents of singles is how darn defensive you get of something that is a total non-issue - it comes off as being smug and know-it-all. Frankly, I really don't care how many kids you have, you do do. But please, you don't need to rub it in my face that you have so much free time, life is so much easier for you, you're just SO THRILLED that you got your life back and don't ever have to deal with dirty diapers again. It's really annoying.

Why is that a problem for you if you chose otherwise? Aren’t you just SO THRILLED that you gave your child a lifelong BFF?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We know several families that are one and done. In fact, there was a little clique of them in DD's preschool. They didn't invite her or another friend who has a younger sibling on afternoon outings -- the moms would be like "oh, we figured you couldn't come because your toddlers were napping!".

Sort of ridiculous they'd never ask you. I don't get offended when people decline a playdate because of a baby's nap schedule, and I'm happy to host a drop-off playdate or two to give you a break.

Thank you!!

So I do want to point out to OP that it goes both ways. Parents of multiples get irritated by parents of onlies not understanding how we operate, too. For example, the last time I had one of DD's preschool friends over for a playdate (too young for drop offs), she seemed irritated that I wasn't focusing on her solely because I was spending time making sure my 2 year old wasn't bothering the older kids too much. This isn't typical, it was just that one mom, but wanted to point that out to people that moms of one can be annoying too, haha!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!

We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.

We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.

How are you selfish for having one kid?

I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me

I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?

Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?

Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.

Mom of two here -- one issue I have with parents of singles is how darn defensive you get of something that is a total non-issue - it comes off as being smug and know-it-all. Frankly, I really don't care how many kids you have, you do do. But please, you don't need to rub it in my face that you have so much free time, life is so much easier for you, you're just SO THRILLED that you got your life back and don't ever have to deal with dirty diapers again. It's really annoying.

I have an only child and just skimmed a couple of posts. I feel sad to see posts where people are arguing why having more is better than one, or one better than more. There are positives and negatives for all scenarios. Too bad people have to criticize scenarios other than what they’ve got.

We are one and done by choice. The only times I feel a little alone or like I don’t fit in is when I get together with mom friends and they start talking/complaining about how tough it is logistically for them, or about how expensive things like camp and sports are for both of their kids. Or my fellow teacher moms who are exhausted from having their kids home all summer because they can’t afford camps for their kids so it’s “camp mom”, meanwhile my kid goes to day camps all summer because he loves it and we can afford doing it for one. Don’t get me wrong—those things are tough and I don’t envy those situations. Sometimes in the moment they’ll forget I’m there or that I don’t have more than one and make a judgmental comment about how easy so and so has it, and I’ll kind of sit there silently because I’m in the same boat as so and so.

The thing is, I have two chronic illnesses and know my limit. What looks “easy” to them is actually quite difficult for me a lot of the time and DH and I know my/our limits which is why our family is the size it is. To me their complaints about logistics and being exhausted are all by choice whereas I didn’t have any say in the matter. But I feel grateful we have what we can handle and it works for us so there was no desire to change that dynamic.

I understand where you are coming from.

I'm happy with my one and it was a choice to stick with one. We can travel more, spend more on school, etc.

However, I sometimes wonder...should we have had a second??

The bottom line?

The kid is happy with being solo. Has many friends who are like siblings. Never misses the idea of having sibling.

I would feel the feelings and then find a way to move through them. That's what I'm doing.

Basically, I'm happy with our decision to stick to one and I also feel a longing for a second at times. I think this is all normal.

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard to believe that most of your friends say they just feel like they “need” to have a second child. Most families want more than one. That doesn’t make you wrong.

Or maybe they say stuff like that around you, pare t of an only, because they are trying not to make you feel badly or something.

Anonymous wrote:Life was so manageable and enjoyable with one, we didn't feel the need to rock the boat. Life rarely feels overwhelming or over-busy, and we have the time and money to do the things she/we want to do. She's a great traveler and super-flexible kid, so we're able to do lots of fun things that might be harder or more stressful when managing different personalities with multiple kids.

She's occasionally expressed a wish for a sibling over the years, but an afternoon with a friend with a younger sibling is usually enough to nip that in the bud pretty quickly!

Interestingly, I could have written the exact same post...except I have 4 kids

Life was so manageable and enjoyable with one, we didn't feel the need to rock the boat. Life rarely feels overwhelming or over-busy, and we have the time and money to do the things she/we want to do. She's a great traveler and super-flexible kid, so we're able to do lots of fun things that might be harder or more stressful when managing different personalities with multiple kids.

She's occasionally expressed a wish for a sibling over the years, but an afternoon with a friend with a younger sibling is usually enough to nip that in the bud pretty quickly!

OP I'm an only child with an only child. We are one and done, not by choice, due to secondary infertility. Had a very easy time getting pregnant the first time, then no luck over 6 years TTC #2.

Anyhow, I know a lot of families with an only child. Out of all those families, I only know one other family who is one and done, not by choice, like us. The rest are one and done, by choice.

I actually feel very alone/like the odd one out, because all my other friends are happy one and done families, we're the only one who really struggles with grief and loss/sadness over not being able to have a second.

I tried therapy but it didn't help at all. I'm hoping time will help, but we're still in the early elementary school stage where everyone is still having more kids.

Out of all my friends, most of my friends have 3 kids. Then after that, families with one child. I know very few families who have 2 kids, interestingly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings socialize kids in a way that friends cannot.

And?

Being an only child also has positive and neutral effects that having siblings cannot replicate. Thus?

Are the positive effects more money? More undivided attention? The latter seems to actually have a harmful effect according to the science (leading to self-centered, less tolerant kids).

Sharing a bedroom and your parents' attention with siblings is a character building experience. Fact.

Anonymous wrote:Siblings socialize kids in a way that friends cannot.

And?

Being an only child also has positive and neutral effects that having siblings cannot replicate. Thus?

Siblings socialize kids in a way that friends cannot.