feel like nothing I say has an impact on him

Nothing about reality has an impact on you, Op! You need mental help

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I own the place where we live

Oh NOW you tell us the important point

Op, if you're going to hide details from us, give us only select details, you lose our help

I keep repeating that it's not about the logistics. It's not about who moves out. I expressed to him that I think it's best if we separate (and for him to move out) and he completely ignores this and pretends everything is ok. I feel like I live in some twilight zone. I feel like nothing I say has an impact on him. I said this not to get a reaction out of him. I meant it. I thought he would recognize the pain in my voice and in my face when I was saying it. But I guess I was wrong.

You keep saying that, and you keep being wrong. You're married, and you can't force him to leave. If you feel it is crucial to live in separate homes, you apparently have to be the one to leave. It stinks, but there it is.

Yes. He doesn't need to change, because doing what he is doing is working for him. You want him to care about your pain; about what you say, and he has made it clear he does not. Either come to peace with that, or make changes yourself. Since he is happy pretending that nothing is wrong, he isn't going to move out. So you have to either move out, or file the papers what will eventually allow you to get him out (though you weren't clear about how you protected your house so that it is still only yours).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I own the place where we live

Oh NOW you tell us the important point

Op, if you're going to hide details from us, give us only select details, you lose our help

I keep repeating that it's not about the logistics. It's not about who moves out. I expressed to him that I think it's best if we separate (and for him to move out) and he completely ignores this and pretends everything is ok. I feel like I live in some twilight zone. I feel like nothing I say has an impact on him. I said this not to get a reaction out of him. I meant it. I thought he would recognize the pain in my voice and in my face when I was saying it. But I guess I was wrong.

You keep saying that, and you keep being wrong. You're married, and you can't force him to leave. If you feel it is crucial to live in separate homes, you apparently have to be the one to leave. It stinks, but there it is.

I suggest putting important valuables and documents of yours into a safety deposit box, prior to demonstrating you are serious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I own the place where we live

Oh NOW you tell us the important point

Op, if you're going to hide details from us, give us only select details, you lose our help

I keep repeating that it's not about the logistics. It's not about who moves out. I expressed to him that I think it's best if we separate (and for him to move out) and he completely ignores this and pretends everything is ok. I feel like I live in some twilight zone. I feel like nothing I say has an impact on him. I said this not to get a reaction out of him. I meant it. I thought he would recognize the pain in my voice and in my face when I was saying it. But I guess I was wrong.

then FILE for divorce and get the ball rolling.

Anonymous wrote:

Because I own the place where we live

Oh NOW you tell us the important point

Op, if you're going to hide details from us, give us only select details, you lose our help

I keep repeating that it's not about the logistics. It's not about who moves out. I expressed to him that I think it's best if we separate (and for him to move out) and he completely ignores this and pretends everything is ok. I feel like I live in some twilight zone. I feel like nothing I say has an impact on him. I said this not to get a reaction out of him. I meant it. I thought he would recognize the pain in my voice and in my face when I was saying it. But I guess I was wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really confused as to why you feel so entitled? What on earth makes you feel that you can demand that he move out? Girl, you must have tripped and bumped your head.

Because I own the place where we live. I owned it before we got married and will continue to own it if and when we divorce. He knows that and does dispute that he is the one that needs to move. My question wasn’t about the logistic, but about him completely ignoring a very serious problem we have and acting like everything is normal and well.

Is the house still in your name? Sell it and move. You actually cannot control someone’s actions and feelings, only your own.

This is called passive aggressive behavior and it's toxic and dangerous. Get yourself a good therapist to help you improve your self esteem.

If you want to be taken seriously OP then file for divorce.

move out of the bedroom, Whoever moves out of the house is at a disadvantage in the divorce proceedings, so you'd both be crazy to move out without consulting. lawyer first. Make a statement by moving out of the same bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really confused as to why you feel so entitled? What on earth makes you feel that you can demand that he move out? Girl, you must have tripped and bumped your head.

Because I own the place where we live. I owned it before we got married and will continue to own it if and when we divorce. He knows that and does dispute that he is the one that needs to move. My question wasn’t about the logistic, but about him completely ignoring a very serious problem we have and acting like everything is normal and well.

Even if you owned the place before marriage, he has a good reason not to leave, unless you had no mortgage for the duration of the marriage, no marital funds went into the upkeep, maintenance or improvements to the house and you had a prenuptial that designates that the house was solely yours and that he would not be entitled to any ownership or profit for the house. If you had a mortgage or he paid for upkeep, maintenance or significant improvement to the house without a prenuptial, then he has a financial claim to half of the investment into the property during the marriage. And if he moves out, it could be consider grounds for him abandoning his investment into the house. So, with no paperwork, no divorce proceedings and no claims, he should not move out. Start divorce proceedings so that his lawyer can do discovery of financial information and determine what his profit from the house he is due and then he can move out. If you force him out, it can look as if you are trying to cheat him out of any financial portion of the house that he is otherwise entitled to. Until then the best bet is to have him move into the guest room.

Move into a different bedroom to help indicate separation?

Obviously you file for a legal separation, Op

Why is this hard for you to understand

And, yeah, the who's-living-where might be uncomfortable for awhile. No surprise.

Because I own the place where we live

Oh NOW you tell us the important point

Op, if you're going to hide details from us, give us only select details, you lose our help

Anonymous wrote:And no, I do,not agree you have to be the one to move out. You want to stay, pack his crap and tell him he's out. It won't be pretty, but stick to your guns!!!!

I’m hoping this is sarcasm. You can’t make someone leave their house.