Anonymous
08/02/2019 10:56
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
"We're going on a cruise Wednesday morning.
Anyone want to join?
Great, I'lll get the tickets."
Anyone want to join?
Great, I'lll get the tickets."
Anonymous
08/02/2019 10:42
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
My lovely family would ask us to pay for it and then complain it wasn’t fun. And a waste of money
Anonymous
08/02/2019 10:14
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
It seems weird to be that your DH would be fine with his dad picking up the tab for the house for the entire week, but it was be awkward for you to offer to pick up the cost of a sailing trip. I see this as a way to contribute to the fun of the vacation for everyone in the same way that FIL did by renting the house. If people don't want to go or feel awkward about accepting you paying for it they can either not go, or pay for it themselves.
Anonymous
08/02/2019 09:23
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
I'm running into this w a vacation in feb, but it's not even a money thing, its a value thing. I want to hire help and my sister doesn't want to spend the money. So I am just gonna hire help and when she goes, "oh! how much do I owe you!" I'm going to be like, "$100!" and she'll go, "Oh wow so cheap!" and I'll say, "yes!" and then write a check for a grand.
Anonymous
08/02/2019 08:39
Subject: Re:Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
I ran into this issue and I said we would like to take everyone out on a charter as an early Christmas present. Everyone like the idea of an experience gift.
Anonymous
08/02/2019 08:04
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Anonymous wrote:Headed for our first weeklong vacation rental w DHs family in two weeks. Got good tips from a thread on this a few weeks ago, and also wanted to see if anyone has tips for when there is an income gap between adult siblings. Everyone in family is great, except for MILs 2nd husband, money has never been an issue. MIL (whose idea this was) is paying for house rental, and siblings are splitting food costs and meal responsibilities. There’s a morning sailing cruise nearby that costs $50 per adult that I would like to do, but DH says it would be weird for me to offer to pay for everyone. Is it obnoxious if my nuclear family just goes, then? I don’t want to seem like I am flaunting wealth, nor do I want to seem like I’m not chipping in a fair share. For background, our HHI is $500k and household is 2 adults 2 small kids. DH’s sibling’s HHI is probably around 100k, maybe 120, and there are two teenage kids from previous relationship plus 2 young kids. There is also a third sibling who is in between, wealth-wise, and expecting a first child in the fall. Again, everyone is great and gets along well, but we have also never been together like this for a week with shared expenses. I wish there was a way to invisibly pay for things, but I can’t think of one. I think I am just going to try to lay as low as possible and split everything equally. Anyone have any hard-earned wisdom to share?
You seem to know each family's HHI, so how about MIL's? Because as nice as it is for her to offer a house rental, maybe you should be contributing to the rental fees since you do make a lot. But as to the rest, I think it's best for the adults to decide which activities to participate in. As regards meals in the house, you can each take turns to prepare meals within your budget and cooking ability/desire. I realized early on that I don't like to cook on vacation, so we tend to go out for dinner at least.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 16:21
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Don’t reciprocate in kind
Anonymous
07/31/2019 16:21
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
If someone else is going to pick up another $500 group dinner or water park admission or ATV ride, then sure. Otherwise you are traveling with people who reciprocate and that ends up bothering most people.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 13:09
Subject: Re:Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
This completely depends on the way the rest of the family reacts about things. People can be insecure that they have money and they can be insecure that they don't have money. This would NOT work in my extended family.
One set of in laws would feel bad because there is a dynamic where one group has lots of money and another group has very little money. This comes up all the time and the group with less money always feels bad. If we started introducing something expensive that we offered as a treat even though it would be the first time WE had done it for them it would the 100th time they encountered some situation with relatives where they were reminded about how financially unequal they were in comparison.
My frugal, rude aunt would go on and on an on about how expensive it was and would simultaneously gush and complain about the expensive for YEARS. I am still hearing about how we sent so and so a birthday gift and paid FULL SHIPPING. This was five years ago.
If we were traveling with a different set where the family has less money but it much younger than us then it would be fine.
It just depends on how your group reacts to money issues.
One set of in laws would feel bad because there is a dynamic where one group has lots of money and another group has very little money. This comes up all the time and the group with less money always feels bad. If we started introducing something expensive that we offered as a treat even though it would be the first time WE had done it for them it would the 100th time they encountered some situation with relatives where they were reminded about how financially unequal they were in comparison.
My frugal, rude aunt would go on and on an on about how expensive it was and would simultaneously gush and complain about the expensive for YEARS. I am still hearing about how we sent so and so a birthday gift and paid FULL SHIPPING. This was five years ago.
If we were traveling with a different set where the family has less money but it much younger than us then it would be fine.
It just depends on how your group reacts to money issues.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 11:13
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t see what he big deal is. “I want to go sailing. I chartered a boat. Room for more. Does anyone want to join me. My treat.”
My family does this all the time on family outings no matter the activity.
I am going to the beach. Anyone want to go?
I want to see a move. I would love company. My treat - who’s in.
We all take turns making dinner - usually go out at least once. We have lots of income differences. Those that are well off usually pay for a bit more (buy alcohol - pay for appetizer) or charter a boat if they want. No one feels obligated to go one the boat Those with more more money seem to feel good about doing something nice.
Besides it is not fun to charter a boat and go by yourself.
I'm with you. This is exactly my family.
Yup, pretty simple. Either leave out the detail or make it casual. We do that often with friends or family who know are making a lot less. Dinner, our treat, or a day of activities or whatever. As long as the giver doesn’t make a big deal out of it, then it is usually fun one.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 11:11
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Anonymous wrote:500 isn't much around here
500 is a lot anywhere. Just because lifestyle creep invaded your world doesn’t mean it isn’t far and away from typical incomes. There will always be people with more and the higher you go, the more you see. You are just viewing a small percentage, while the other 99% are toiling beneath.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 11:09
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Simple. Tell family you and dh wanted to do this cruise and that your fee includes up to x amount of people regardless of how many go, so you wanted to offer spots to anyone interested.
That takes away the “being treated” aspect and makes it just seem more casual, won’t result in family members thinking you are paying for them and also lets those not interested say no without any guilt.
Simple. They don’t need to know the details. We travel with someone who makes at least 3x what we do, and I’m sure they pick up extra costs without isn’t being aware. They always rent the house and just tell thenother families what they owe. Pretty sure they have been paying about 75% each time. They also have higher needs and want specific things in the home, so I think they eat the cost because they know we all might not have the same demands.
That takes away the “being treated” aspect and makes it just seem more casual, won’t result in family members thinking you are paying for them and also lets those not interested say no without any guilt.
Simple. They don’t need to know the details. We travel with someone who makes at least 3x what we do, and I’m sure they pick up extra costs without isn’t being aware. They always rent the house and just tell thenother families what they owe. Pretty sure they have been paying about 75% each time. They also have higher needs and want specific things in the home, so I think they eat the cost because they know we all might not have the same demands.
Anonymous
07/31/2019 01:25
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
500 isn't much around here
Anonymous
07/30/2019 11:48
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Anonymous wrote:I don’t see what he big deal is. “I want to go sailing. I chartered a boat. Room for more. Does anyone want to join me. My treat.”
My family does this all the time on family outings no matter the activity.
I am going to the beach. Anyone want to go?
I want to see a move. I would love company. My treat - who’s in.
We all take turns making dinner - usually go out at least once. We have lots of income differences. Those that are well off usually pay for a bit more (buy alcohol - pay for appetizer) or charter a boat if they want. No one feels obligated to go one the boat Those with more more money seem to feel good about doing something nice.
Besides it is not fun to charter a boat and go by yourself.
I'm with you. This is exactly my family.
Anonymous
07/30/2019 11:07
Subject: Tips for shared house vacation when income disparity b/t siblings
Do a mix of your own things and cheap group things. Why on earth would you pay for grown adults to do things on vacation? Certainly you should take the hosts who paid for your weeks lodging out to dinner at a minimum, but everyone else?