Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:47     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:I agree with the posters that say it depends on your social circle. My parents specifically had a wedding fund for me and my sister so that they could pay for the entire wedding. I was always told about this growing up so it wasn’t unexpected. I was 26 when I got married and in law school so paying for my own wedding would not have been an option.


Objection!

Paying for your own wedding is always an option. Perhaps you would have just had to spend a lot less money on it...
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:45     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


I meant like partially turning the wedding reception into networking event or an opportunity to host people who are important to you professionally. Some of my friends' parents have done that and, in those cases, it makes sense for the parents to foot most of the bill. I've had friends who married in their 30s and their parents still used their wedding for professional purposes. They certainly were beautiful weddings.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:44     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they are not on solid financial footing then why in the world would they spend a lot on a wedding? If I were you, I would offer a set amount of money for them ($5K?). If I were them, I would take that money to help get in better financial shape and have a tiny, budget-friendly wedding or elope.


That sounds like a reasonable contribution and a reasonable plan to me.


I guess I don't see 5k as a reasonable amount for a wedding contribution. Maybe if you paid 100% of college. 20k is more normal if you make about 100k. So maybe if you make less than average 5k might be okay.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:43     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


Like inviting business partners or prominent names. I've seen it done in desi and Arab weddings.


Interesting. I have never seen that.


My in laws are south Asian and this was my wedding. It was annoying.


I would hate that, too. I can't imagine why a hard driving, prominent business person would even want to attend some random couple's wedding. The bride and the groom don't even know who they are. This is both interesting and odd to me that this is a thing for some people.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:41     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:If they are not on solid financial footing then why in the world would they spend a lot on a wedding? If I were you, I would offer a set amount of money for them ($5K?). If I were them, I would take that money to help get in better financial shape and have a tiny, budget-friendly wedding or elope.


That sounds like a reasonable contribution and a reasonable plan to me.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:39     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


Like inviting business partners or prominent names. I've seen it done in desi and Arab weddings.


Interesting. I have never seen that.


My in laws are south Asian and this was my wedding. It was annoying.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:35     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
We paid for both our daughters weddings to the tune of $60,000 to $90,000 each including wedding dresses and everything else. Our own wedding 36 years ago only cost about $3,500 and we contributed to that. Yes, the amount we spent on our daughters weddings was crazy but we can afford it and I know my wife loved helping my daughters with all of the planning. If there were any bridezilla moments they kept them away from me. The weddings were very different (one city, one country) but both were beautiful so while I am fundamentally frugal I don't have any regrets. But I am happy I only have two daughters!
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:33     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
If they are not on solid financial footing then why in the world would they spend a lot on a wedding? If I were you, I would offer a set amount of money for them ($5K?). If I were them, I would take that money to help get in better financial shape and have a tiny, budget-friendly wedding or elope.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:32     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


Like inviting business partners or prominent names. I've seen it done in desi and Arab weddings.


Interesting. I have never seen that.


Ehh lots of parents do that. Even my parents wedding in the 70s was 90% their friends. There's been a huge shift in who gets invited to weddings now. It's not parents friends. It's mostly family and the bride and groom's friends.

My inlaws knew everyone in their small town and were council members. They were upset we said no parents friends (we eventually allowed them 6, my parents had none). We paid and didn't care.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:26     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


Like inviting business partners or prominent names. I've seen it done in desi and Arab weddings.


Interesting. I have never seen that.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:25     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We got married almost ten years ago. My parents and my husband's parents each gave us $10k for the wedding. We got married in the DC area, had about 200 people at the wedding - which was very casual. The $20k paid for nearly everything including our wedding clothes. We loved our wedding, and we were so grateful for the help.

We were old enough we shouldn't have needed it. Without our parents' help, we probably would have gotten married in one of their backyards - which would also have been nice.


+1 2011 wedding.


We got married 20 years ago. Dh and I didn't want to pay a lot for our wedding because we were expecting our first child together and wanted to save our money for baby expenses. The plan was to have a small wedding at the courthouse or in our backyard (we already owned a house together). I would have been happy to serve party platters from the grocery store and have the reception in our dining room. But my mom offered to, and very much wanted to, help us out. So we wound up having our small wedding and reception in a pretty courtyard setting. It was perfect for us.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:22     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
dowries are over (no giving your daughter away plus some cows, jewels and tablecloths)

asking the father for his daughter is over (she can make up her own mind, and own it)

paying for one last thing for your daughter (the wedding) is over

weddings are $50-250+per person. plus a ton of fixed costs. If they're just kids playing house just elope.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:20     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?


Like inviting business partners or prominent names. I've seen it done in desi and Arab weddings.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:18     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
I am paying 400k for her medical school. I am certainly not paying for her wedding.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:18     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
We are already saving up to give $5000 for our dd's wedding (should say, potential wedding). Dd and her bf are visiting now, in fact, and it's pretty serious-talking marriage and homes and stuff!

They dream of a wedding on his family's property using an existing building, so for what we are contributing, they can do alright. If they want to spend more, of course they can-but they are frugal young people and want to buy a home.

His parents are a mess so I have no expectations there.