Anonymous wrote:What’s curious to me is that everyone is putting this on OP. HER DH is completely capable of setting an example for his children.

So ironic that we’re constantly telling single mothers that their sones need a male role model, but when there is a male role model, we’re telling mothers they need to teach their sons how to be men.

When do we stop blaming women for how they raise their sons, and start looking at the full parenting unit?

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a horrible example for your sons of expectations and responsibility. They are going to make horrible husbands.

Anonymous wrote:What’s curious to me is that everyone is putting this on OP. HER DH is completely capable of setting an example for his children.

So ironic that we’re constantly telling single mothers that their sones need a male role model, but when there is a male role model, we’re telling mothers they need to teach their sons how to be men.

When do we stop blaming women for how they raise their sons, and start looking at the full parenting unit?

Anonymous wrote:Totally ridiculous, you need to stop. They are not boys, they are grown men using you all the time. What husbands they will make!
My DS is home for the summer from college, he warms up his own meals, he buys his own food, my about to go to college dd makes her own breakfast and all the other meals if she doesn't like what I have, doesn't ask for money for her own food.
Why are you propagating patriarchy and subjugation of women in your own family?

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a horrible example for your sons of expectations and responsibility. They are going to make horrible husbands.

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a horrible example for your sons of expectations and responsibility. They are going to make horrible husbands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My 14 year old son has cooked dinner for us multiple times this summer: Indian curries, Japanese tonkatsu , Vietnamese dishes, etc. He is learning to do things around the house. He has significant ADHD, time management and organizational skills do not come easily to him, which makes his efforts all the more appreciated.

You have done your sons, and yourself, a grave disservice. Try to fix it now.

Oh shut the duck up

Anonymous wrote:They’ll be fine as long as they can afford a full time housekeeper.

Anonymous wrote:Ok so here is the real deal, OP: Your kids will not change, and will not start cooking a meal 1-2 nights a week per 21:31's suggestion etc.

And you will not change either.

The dynamic is set, so you need to get them out of your house. It doesn't matter that one is working nearby so "it doesn't make sense" for him to move out. It DOES make sense, because financial or logisitcal is not the only consideration...GROWING UP and BEING INDEPENDENT is more important than the "on paper" considerations.

So get them out.

Many with kids out of the house will tell you that their 30 y.o. is super neat at their own house, but when they come back to their parents' home, it's like they are 16 again and they are messy. It's because those patterns and behaviors are linked to the geography...linked to the house and people (their parents). They go back into that environment and they behave in the old way. So recognizing this should make you understand that in your situation, it would take a mountain of effort to change them if they are still at home.


Separately, a small thing to do to help with the meal situation, in the meantime, is to make the meals at say, 6pm, and put them on 3 plates (DH, and one for each son) and put them on the stovetop, with a clear glass pot lid over each plate (so they can see them). And let the plates sit and whenever they want to eat, they go pick it up, like in a cafeteria. So you are done with making and serving dinner by 6pm and leave it there and don't hover. You can get the dirty dishes in the morning or at a set time (like 9pm). I've done this with my teen kids, who all have crazy schedules, and it has really helped me.