Anonymous
07/18/2019 22:33
Subject: Re:Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
+1000
Knives, stairs, curtain cords, exercise weights, - list is endless what kids can get into with potential harm. Start with your kids, try to make them aware; then make judgement on parents responsbility and level of care - not whether they have a gun.
Knives, stairs, curtain cords, exercise weights, - list is endless what kids can get into with potential harm. Start with your kids, try to make them aware; then make judgement on parents responsbility and level of care - not whether they have a gun.
Anonymous
07/12/2019 08:58
Subject: Re:Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
I am hugely anti-guns. I would never own one...
I had a mom ask me this question once, and while I understood and didn't get offended, ... it also struck me as kind of a silly question.
I have a pool. (and yes, I have a pool with a pool safety fence and several other safety measures). No mom has EVER asked me if I had a pool-- which I think was far more hazardous to young kids.
So, I'd ask you to think about this question:
If you know the parents well enough to trust their judgment and trust them to watch your kid -- then shouldn't you trust them enough to have their firearms (if they have them) secured? If you don't know them well enough, shouldn't you just not send your kid?
Or -- if you're going to ask about specific hazards in the home -- shouldn't you have a more complete list? "Hi Jenny, thanks for inviting Joey over to play. Can you tell me if you have any guns, large dogs, prescription medication, Tide Pods, pools, or construction work at your house?" (I think that gets pretty ridiculous pretty quickly).
I think statistically speaking, many of those things are actually more hazardous than guns. So -- if you're worried about safety, shouldn't you ask about all of it? Asking about guns (only) seems more like a political statement...
I had a mom ask me this question once, and while I understood and didn't get offended, ... it also struck me as kind of a silly question.
I have a pool. (and yes, I have a pool with a pool safety fence and several other safety measures). No mom has EVER asked me if I had a pool-- which I think was far more hazardous to young kids.
So, I'd ask you to think about this question:
If you know the parents well enough to trust their judgment and trust them to watch your kid -- then shouldn't you trust them enough to have their firearms (if they have them) secured? If you don't know them well enough, shouldn't you just not send your kid?
Or -- if you're going to ask about specific hazards in the home -- shouldn't you have a more complete list? "Hi Jenny, thanks for inviting Joey over to play. Can you tell me if you have any guns, large dogs, prescription medication, Tide Pods, pools, or construction work at your house?" (I think that gets pretty ridiculous pretty quickly).
I think statistically speaking, many of those things are actually more hazardous than guns. So -- if you're worried about safety, shouldn't you ask about all of it? Asking about guns (only) seems more like a political statement...
Anonymous
07/11/2019 13:48
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:We have a gun in our house (locked away in a hidden safe). We will not be telling you about it even if you ask. It’s none of your business.
I can understand this.
Plus, since this person asking is new to the community. You don't know them, why would you tell them you have a gun in your house?
Anonymous
07/11/2019 13:38
Subject: Re:Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP is asking how to politely ask if there are firearms in the home.
Just ask politely.
Ask but just know a lot of people will not be forthcoming with this info. Better to just get to know the parents well enough to trust they will be responsible to provide a safe environment for the kids.
Anonymous
07/11/2019 13:35
Subject: Re:Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:OP is asking how to politely ask if there are firearms in the home.
Just ask politely.
Anonymous
07/11/2019 13:33
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
We have a gun in our house (locked away in a hidden safe). We will not be telling you about it even if you ask. It’s none of your business.
Anonymous
07/11/2019 13:28
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Hi, just wondering if you have firearms at home and if so, do you keep them locked up and secure?”
As a gun owner, I’d have no problem explaining how I lock my firearm, but we don’t host play dates (when you ask “why doesn’t XX reciprocate”, this is why)
We are a military family and we have weapons, secured safely. Honestly I am both surprised and kind of appalled if someone doesn't ask me this question. We expect it and are never offended.
I'm pro gun control but I don't ask about guns in the house because a) I know some people will lie about it for various reasons; and b) there are lots of safety hazards in a house, so why ask about that one specifically. I'm hopeful that you're a good parent who is properly supervising, I've told my kids about the dangers, and accidental death from gun tragedies make news because they are so rare. There is no reason for you to be appalled because I don't ask about it.
+1 This. We have educated our kids about dangerous items and what to do if they encounter such items. This is not limited to guns. For instance, are you going to ask the parents if they have opoids and other drugs in their house and whether it is secured in a place inaccessible to the kids? We have talked to our kids about medicine/drugs too. While we *think* we know the parents of all the kids our children play with, you just never know what goes on in someone else's house. Your kids need to know how to handle these things on their own unfortunately.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 22:06
Subject: Re:Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All of this. You can do nothing about someone who chooses to lie about potentially putting your child's well being at risk (whether it's lying about access to firearms in their house, or lying about whether they'd serve teens alcohol). But as a nation the conversation about gun safety needs to happen. It becomes normalized as we all ask and answer one another honestly.
You really twisted that up. I'm not going to lie to you about the gun in my home and then let the kids play with it! I'm going to lie to you because it is stored securely and safely, I am trained in its appropriate storage and use, my children don't know it is in the house, and it presents absolutely no risk to your children or mine. Your comparison to "lying about whether they'd serve teens alcohol" is not even in the same ballpark. I'm not going to let your kid play with my gun.
The fact that you'd rather lie than say exactly this to whomever asks makes me wonder what other totally normal things you'd lie about. I don't want my kid anywhere near you and it has nothing to do with your gun.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 14:29
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This question doesn’t make sense to me.
Are you not going to let your child go if there are guns? Or are you not letting them go unless they are secure?
Having guns in the home is not a dealbreaker for me. Not having them secured in a gun safe is a dealbreaker. This issue came up in a babysitting co-op I was part of years ago. We had a new family, and one of the parents was in law enforcement. He showed parents how his weapons were secured. We were all perfectly fine with it.
But who doesn’t have them secure? It’s like like Larlos mom is going to be like “oh gosh, you’re right. Since you asked, we will go get that safe!”
Anonymous
07/10/2019 14:25
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Know a guy who collected guns. Odd because he was certainly not the type. Didn't hunt. Didn't come from a family of hunters. Grew up in nice areas -- family well off. But, he liked guns. When he had his first kid he got rid of every bullet out of the house. When he wanted to go shooting -- not often as I understand it - he would buy ammo on the way, and give away what he did not use -- if any. You could use one of his weapons as a club, and you could pinch a finger easy enough, but you could not fire them.
I have another friend though who tells the story of being at a friend house, and taking down an old Springfield rifle that was on the wall as a decorator piece to look at it. He grew up with guns in the country and did, what he said was sort of a built in ammo check -- sure enough there was a live round in the chamber that he pulled. He said it was probably unlikely to fire, but there it was. The owner had no idea.
Here's the thing -- If they are older than 5, your kids know where the hidden guns are hidden and where the hidden ammo is located. The kids already know where the key to the gun cabinet is even if it is hidden so well that they will never find it. If they are over the age of 8 they have already been in the cabinet. When they are 12 will they absolutely refuse to let a begging friend in to the cabinet? I always liked the no ammo approach.
You can't be serious. We have fingerprint-only safes located under the carpet in our closet, built into our floors. None of our children have any idea we own a handgun.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 11:05
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Know a guy who collected guns. Odd because he was certainly not the type. Didn't hunt. Didn't come from a family of hunters. Grew up in nice areas -- family well off. But, he liked guns. When he had his first kid he got rid of every bullet out of the house. When he wanted to go shooting -- not often as I understand it - he would buy ammo on the way, and give away what he did not use -- if any. You could use one of his weapons as a club, and you could pinch a finger easy enough, but you could not fire them.
I have another friend though who tells the story of being at a friend house, and taking down an old Springfield rifle that was on the wall as a decorator piece to look at it. He grew up with guns in the country and did, what he said was sort of a built in ammo check -- sure enough there was a live round in the chamber that he pulled. He said it was probably unlikely to fire, but there it was. The owner had no idea.
Here's the thing -- If they are older than 5, your kids know where the hidden guns are hidden and where the hidden ammo is located. The kids already know where the key to the gun cabinet is even if it is hidden so well that they will never find it. If they are over the age of 8 they have already been in the cabinet. When they are 12 will they absolutely refuse to let a begging friend in to the cabinet? I always liked the no ammo approach.
I have another friend though who tells the story of being at a friend house, and taking down an old Springfield rifle that was on the wall as a decorator piece to look at it. He grew up with guns in the country and did, what he said was sort of a built in ammo check -- sure enough there was a live round in the chamber that he pulled. He said it was probably unlikely to fire, but there it was. The owner had no idea.
Here's the thing -- If they are older than 5, your kids know where the hidden guns are hidden and where the hidden ammo is located. The kids already know where the key to the gun cabinet is even if it is hidden so well that they will never find it. If they are over the age of 8 they have already been in the cabinet. When they are 12 will they absolutely refuse to let a begging friend in to the cabinet? I always liked the no ammo approach.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 10:20
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:“Hi, just wondering if you have firearms at home and if so, do you keep them locked up and secure?”
As a gun owner, I’d have no problem explaining how I lock my firearm, but we don’t host play dates (when you ask “why doesn’t XX reciprocate”, this is why)
We are a military family and we have weapons, secured safely. Honestly I am both surprised and kind of appalled if someone doesn't ask me this question. We expect it and are never offended.
I'm pro gun control but I don't ask about guns in the house because a) I know some people will lie about it for various reasons; and b) there are lots of safety hazards in a house, so why ask about that one specifically. I'm hopeful that you're a good parent who is properly supervising, I've told my kids about the dangers, and accidental death from gun tragedies make news because they are so rare. There is no reason for you to be appalled because I don't ask about it.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 10:15
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We have tons of guns (rifles and shotguns). Just ask. Ours are all locked up and unloaded. We do have a handgun in a safe that’s also unloaded. I’d love to tell you about dhs training and tours in Afghanistan (contractor, not military)
Do you have separate safes for the guns and the ammunition?
I would think that would be the answer to them being securely stored. You shouldn't need to ask that... but I can tell you hate guns.
Anonymous
07/10/2019 10:08
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you also ask about a parent's driving record? I'm not being sarcastic. My kids are older now and in sports. There are several parents I would not allow to drive my child. One mom has repeated speeding tix ( I know because she thinks it is very funny and tells everyone) and several others are heavy drinkers. Another offers that the family's nanny will drive.
Why get worked up about your child potentially being in an accident (which has a higher chance of happening) when you can get worked up over the very remote chance that your kid could get hurt by a firearm in someone else’s home? That’s no fun.
Do you really not know parents who won't let someone else drive their kid unless they've checked out their record (nanny) or have gotten comfortable with their behavior/driving skills in advance (friend, etc)? That's pretty standard fare among my circle. Our best friends don't usually let others -- including their nanny -- drive their kids. They'll let my DH drive the kids but I know they wouldn't be comfortable w/ me doing it, so I don't offer. I'm not offended. I'm a crap driver (grew up w/ no car, got a license very late and rarely drive) and don't drive my own kids outside our immediate neighborhood (definitely not on the highway).
Anonymous
07/10/2019 10:05
Subject: Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date
We asked this of our potential future nanny share partners (DD was going to their house at least 50% of the time) and decided that we wouldn't say yes to anyone who had firearms full stop. I totally get that, especially in DC, some people need them for their jobs... but I just don't trust that other people are going to correctly store them 100% of the time and my kid is going to be alone in their house w/ a nanny who likely doesn't have any firearms training and who they may not even have told about the weapons. No thanks. Ironically, when we settled on a family, they said they did have guns... the H's old skeet shooting rifles; luckily, the W had been getting on him to get rid of them before their kid got older (kids were pre-crawling at the time), so they shipped them off to his parents' house.
Anyway, for drop off playdates I'm OK w/ secured well b/c it's for a short period and I assume the parents who are watching them are familiar w/ weapon safety/where the weapons are and are probably on hyper alert because I asked. I always ask though.
Anyway, for drop off playdates I'm OK w/ secured well b/c it's for a short period and I assume the parents who are watching them are familiar w/ weapon safety/where the weapons are and are probably on hyper alert because I asked. I always ask though.