Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. He’s just a typical dad. You didn’t REALLY think he was going to take care of an 8 week old baby like you would did you? Give him time he could turn into a great dad in a few years. Sorry.

No he isn’t a typical dad. You are a pushover. There are many really great dads from day one.

EXACTLY.


ladies this crap isn’t normal. Don’t fool
Yourselves.

It’s normal for every other mom I know personally. A 50/50 dad to me is a unicorn. And yes, we all work full time also. My kids are 4 and 7. What OP describes was my life—just like my mom friends—for 6 solid years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t like to be told what the baby needs and feels I should ask for his help.

For example, after I feed the baby he wants me to ask him first before passing him to him. He doesn’t like that I say “he needs to be burped then changed” and would rather I ask him to do it. As if it’s domehow optional for him to engage in our child’s care rather than taking the initiative to share the load. Which he doesn’t.

To put in in perspective my husband doesn’t get up in the night to change diapers. When he gets home from work he spends 45 minutes in the bathroom pooping and showering. Then he has to eat half a sleeve of saltines and cheese before he’s “ready” to hold the baby. He sits on the couch with his phone in one hand and the remote in another, barely engaging with the baby while the TV is on. Then I start dinner of finish any chores that need to be done. If I’m lucky, my husband will take his plate to the kitchen and start cleaning up or offer to bathe the baby. I do all the night time care and put the baby to sleep while my husband gets a solid 6-8 hours of sleep.

The weekends are my only reprieve. My husband doesn’t like that I tell him what the baby needs. I don’t have the option to cop out of diaper changes or feedings, it’s all on me during the week. My husband feels I’m trying to “pass the baby off” to him - which is exactly what I’m trying to do! I need 30 minutes to shower or paint my nails or anything.

When I try to bring this up to him all he says is “wow” and disengages, returns to his phone, or argues that I spend too much time on my phone or that I should just be doing the diaper changes when the baby needs it because that’s what “he would do” - but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take initiative which is why I tell him. He just. doesn’t. get. it.

I feel like I’m drowning. My husband has spent maybe 6 hours straight with our son once in 8 weeks and I do 95% of the work. My husband will sometimes take the baby on weekday mornings from 6-8 so I can get some extra sleep but that’s about the extent of it.

He had a backache this weekend and in between changing and feeding the baby I had to bring him painkillers, rub his back, bring the baby to him while he laid on the couch. It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, but I’ve had to solo parent with migraines and the flu without any reprieve from him.

How can I get him to engage more? I can’t keep this dynamic up.

The more I read this the more I think you’re lazy. He can’t shower at work, right? You have multiple opportunities a day to shower. A newborn baby should be taking multiple naps. Something is wrong if you’re only able to find 30 minutes to shower when he is home on the weekend. Maybe you have a colicky baby, but you didn’t mention that so I assume not.

Your husband is saying WOW because he’s shocked to find out about your expectation. You decided to have a baby and you’re home on leave. To take care of a baby. Trying to make him miserable won’t make you any less miserable. Why are is it a problem that he needs an hour to chill before he takes over the baby? Didn’t you say he also is taking him in the mornings? You seem to not understand what life is like with a newborn. This is it. Your husband is at work and when you go back to work you will be relieved of your job taking care of the baby from day, 7-5 PM or whatever your work hours are.

Troll? Person who has never spent a day with an 8 week old? Or just an example of someone to never ever have a baby with?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. He’s just a typical dad. You didn’t REALLY think he was going to take care of an 8 week old baby like you would did you? Give him time he could turn into a great dad in a few years. Sorry.

No he isn’t a typical dad. You are a pushover. There are many really great dads from day one.

EXACTLY.


ladies this crap isn’t normal. Don’t fool
Yourselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t like to be told what the baby needs and feels I should ask for his help.

For example, after I feed the baby he wants me to ask him first before passing him to him. He doesn’t like that I say “he needs to be burped then changed” and would rather I ask him to do it. As if it’s domehow optional for him to engage in our child’s care rather than taking the initiative to share the load. Which he doesn’t.

To put in in perspective my husband doesn’t get up in the night to change diapers. When he gets home from work he spends 45 minutes in the bathroom pooping and showering. Then he has to eat half a sleeve of saltines and cheese before he’s “ready” to hold the baby. He sits on the couch with his phone in one hand and the remote in another, barely engaging with the baby while the TV is on. Then I start dinner of finish any chores that need to be done. If I’m lucky, my husband will take his plate to the kitchen and start cleaning up or offer to bathe the baby. I do all the night time care and put the baby to sleep while my husband gets a solid 6-8 hours of sleep.

The weekends are my only reprieve. My husband doesn’t like that I tell him what the baby needs. I don’t have the option to cop out of diaper changes or feedings, it’s all on me during the week. My husband feels I’m trying to “pass the baby off” to him - which is exactly what I’m trying to do! I need 30 minutes to shower or paint my nails or anything.

When I try to bring this up to him all he says is “wow” and disengages, returns to his phone, or argues that I spend too much time on my phone or that I should just be doing the diaper changes when the baby needs it because that’s what “he would do” - but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take initiative which is why I tell him. He just. doesn’t. get. it.

I feel like I’m drowning. My husband has spent maybe 6 hours straight with our son once in 8 weeks and I do 95% of the work. My husband will sometimes take the baby on weekday mornings from 6-8 so I can get some extra sleep but that’s about the extent of it.

He had a backache this weekend and in between changing and feeding the baby I had to bring him painkillers, rub his back, bring the baby to him while he laid on the couch. It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, but I’ve had to solo parent with migraines and the flu without any reprieve from him.

How can I get him to engage more? I can’t keep this dynamic up.

The more I read this the more I think you’re lazy. He can’t shower at work, right? You have multiple opportunities a day to shower. A newborn baby should be taking multiple naps. Something is wrong if you’re only able to find 30 minutes to shower when he is home on the weekend. Maybe you have a colicky baby, but you didn’t mention that so I assume not.

Your husband is saying WOW because he’s shocked to find out about your expectation. You decided to have a baby and you’re home on leave. To take care of a baby. Trying to make him miserable won’t make you any less miserable. Why are is it a problem that he needs an hour to chill before he takes over the baby? Didn’t you say he also is taking him in the mornings? You seem to not understand what life is like with a newborn. This is it. Your husband is at work and when you go back to work you will be relieved of your job taking care of the baby from day, 7-5 PM or whatever your work hours are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him, not tell him to do things. Not "the baby's diaper needs changing" but "can you change the baby's diaper please?" That's just common courtesy. Think about how you'd talk to a coworker, and afford your DH at least that level of courtesy.

Men have difficulty bonding with babies when they're really young (I know I did) as they don't "do" much and they need to be around mom for eating anyway. I didn't do night diaper changes either -- we agreed if DW is up anyway to feed baby, no need for me to wake up also. What we did do is that I did baby bath time, alone, almost every night.

Most men I know get a lot more involved with their kids once they can do things back (like at 9-12 months). 8 weeks is still really young.

Oh for Pete’s sake. You’re singing OP for supposedly failing to show “common courtesy”? She said he doesn’t like it when she tells him what to do, so it sounds like she’s communicating passively to try to placate him.

+1 wtf.. HIS baby needs diaper changed. Why should the mom have to ask. This goes back to the thread about clueless dads.

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t like to be told what the baby needs and feels I should ask for his help.

For example, after I feed the baby he wants me to ask him first before passing him to him. He doesn’t like that I say “he needs to be burped then changed” and would rather I ask him to do it. As if it’s domehow optional for him to engage in our child’s care rather than taking the initiative to share the load. Which he doesn’t.

To put in in perspective my husband doesn’t get up in the night to change diapers. When he gets home from work he spends 45 minutes in the bathroom pooping and showering. Then he has to eat half a sleeve of saltines and cheese before he’s “ready” to hold the baby. He sits on the couch with his phone in one hand and the remote in another, barely engaging with the baby while the TV is on. Then I start dinner of finish any chores that need to be done. If I’m lucky, my husband will take his plate to the kitchen and start cleaning up or offer to bathe the baby. I do all the night time care and put the baby to sleep while my husband gets a solid 6-8 hours of sleep.

The weekends are my only reprieve. My husband doesn’t like that I tell him what the baby needs. I don’t have the option to cop out of diaper changes or feedings, it’s all on me during the week. My husband feels I’m trying to “pass the baby off” to him - which is exactly what I’m trying to do! I need 30 minutes to shower or paint my nails or anything.

When I try to bring this up to him all he says is “wow” and disengages, returns to his phone, or argues that I spend too much time on my phone or that I should just be doing the diaper changes when the baby needs it because that’s what “he would do” - but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take initiative which is why I tell him. He just. doesn’t. get. it.

I feel like I’m drowning. My husband has spent maybe 6 hours straight with our son once in 8 weeks and I do 95% of the work. My husband will sometimes take the baby on weekday mornings from 6-8 so I can get some extra sleep but that’s about the extent of it.

He had a backache this weekend and in between changing and feeding the baby I had to bring him painkillers, rub his back, bring the baby to him while he laid on the couch. It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, but I’ve had to solo parent with migraines and the flu without any reprieve from him.

How can I get him to engage more? I can’t keep this dynamic up.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. He’s just a typical dad. You didn’t REALLY think he was going to take care of an 8 week old baby like you would did you? Give him time he could turn into a great dad in a few years. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him, not tell him to do things. Not "the baby's diaper needs changing" but "can you change the baby's diaper please?" That's just common courtesy. Think about how you'd talk to a coworker, and afford your DH at least that level of courtesy.

Men have difficulty bonding with babies when they're really young (I know I did) as they don't "do" much and they need to be around mom for eating anyway. I didn't do night diaper changes either -- we agreed if DW is up anyway to feed baby, no need for me to wake up also. What we did do is that I did baby bath time, alone, almost every night.

Most men I know get a lot more involved with their kids once they can do things back (like at 9-12 months). 8 weeks is still really young.

Oh for Pete’s sake. You’re singing OP for supposedly failing to show “common courtesy”? She said he doesn’t like it when she tells him what to do, so it sounds like she’s communicating passively to try to placate him.

When he gets home from work he spends 45 minutes in the bathroom pooping and showering. Then he has to eat half a sleeve of saltines and cheese before he’s “ready” to hold the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. He’s just a typical dad. You didn’t REALLY think he was going to take care of an 8 week old baby like you would did you? Give him time he could turn into a great dad in a few years. Sorry.

No he isn’t a typical dad. You are a pushover. There are many really great dads from day one.

EXACTLY.


ladies this crap isn’t normal. Don’t fool
Yourselves.

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t like to be told what the baby needs and feels I should ask for his help.

For example, after I feed the baby he wants me to ask him first before passing him to him. He doesn’t like that I say “he needs to be burped then changed” and would rather I ask him to do it. As if it’s domehow optional for him to engage in our child’s care rather than taking the initiative to share the load. Which he doesn’t.

To put in in perspective my husband doesn’t get up in the night to change diapers. When he gets home from work he spends 45 minutes in the bathroom pooping and showering. Then he has to eat half a sleeve of saltines and cheese before he’s “ready” to hold the baby. He sits on the couch with his phone in one hand and the remote in another, barely engaging with the baby while the TV is on. Then I start dinner of finish any chores that need to be done. If I’m lucky, my husband will take his plate to the kitchen and start cleaning up or offer to bathe the baby. I do all the night time care and put the baby to sleep while my husband gets a solid 6-8 hours of sleep.

The weekends are my only reprieve. My husband doesn’t like that I tell him what the baby needs. I don’t have the option to cop out of diaper changes or feedings, it’s all on me during the week. My husband feels I’m trying to “pass the baby off” to him - which is exactly what I’m trying to do! I need 30 minutes to shower or paint my nails or anything.

When I try to bring this up to him all he says is “wow” and disengages, returns to his phone, or argues that I spend too much time on my phone or that I should just be doing the diaper changes when the baby needs it because that’s what “he would do” - but he doesn’t. He doesn’t take initiative which is why I tell him. He just. doesn’t. get. it.

I feel like I’m drowning. My husband has spent maybe 6 hours straight with our son once in 8 weeks and I do 95% of the work. My husband will sometimes take the baby on weekday mornings from 6-8 so I can get some extra sleep but that’s about the extent of it.

He had a backache this weekend and in between changing and feeding the baby I had to bring him painkillers, rub his back, bring the baby to him while he laid on the couch. It’s not that I’m unsympathetic, but I’ve had to solo parent with migraines and the flu without any reprieve from him.

How can I get him to engage more? I can’t keep this dynamic up.