Some of the stuff your future MIL does sound odd. Mostly, it just seems like she's not into wedding planing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If my brother’s bride kept sending my mom links to vendors, she would think you were fishing for financial contributions.

Gosh, this sounds like my dad. Whenever I have tried to share things with him (deciding between two car models, a house I wanted to bid on, inviting him to drive to another city with me), his response is, "Well I hope you don't think I'm going to pay for it!"

Like, chill, you haven't given me a dime since I left for college.

NP, but that’s not the case here, isn’t? MIL is being expected to pay for the rehearsal dinner.

Grown adults who are old enough to get married, and have so much money for venues and photographers shouldn’t be expecting the grooms mommy to pay for their rehearsal dinner, just because it’s tradition.

OP never said her parents aren’t paying.

Maybe money is also why MIL didn’t come to the birthday party (gift giving occasion) and was surprised when OP came to dinner when not specifically invited (MIL was planning to pick up the tab). And for that matter bringing her own beer (signaling she wasn’t planning to chip in for whatever elaborate party OP’s shower was shaping up to be). The root of all of this may well be MIL’s worry about the expectations on her financial resources and feeling like she can’t live up to whatever this DIL seems to expect.

Sounds like you need to focus on other things. Also-as someone else has told you, literally no one cares about your wedding. Being obsessed with one’s own wedding is irritating and most people are humoring you and waiting til it’s over. Wedding photos have become cringeworthy nightmares. No one wants to look at examples of this cheese.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If my brother’s bride kept sending my mom links to vendors, she would think you were fishing for financial contributions.

Gosh, this sounds like my dad. Whenever I have tried to share things with him (deciding between two car models, a house I wanted to bid on, inviting him to drive to another city with me), his response is, "Well I hope you don't think I'm going to pay for it!"

Like, chill, you haven't given me a dime since I left for college.

NP, but that’s not the case here, isn’t? MIL is being expected to pay for the rehearsal dinner.

Grown adults who are old enough to get married, and have so much money for venues and photographers shouldn’t be expecting the grooms mommy to pay for their rehearsal dinner, just because it’s tradition.

Oh, and Op has said that getting ready in the bridal suite will be "catered". Does that mean drinks?

Anonymous wrote:She drinks .... you can't expect rationale behavior from an alcoholic.

Op is the one who threw a party for her fiance at a bar??

stuck

Anonymous wrote:Man, your MIL can’t win. If she asks details about the videographer she’s wrong. If she doesn’t ask details about the photographer she’s wrong. If she’s surprised by something she’s wrong. If she compliments your dress, she’s wrong. I get the impression there is no reaction this woman could have that would be right!

+1 And if MIL doesn't go to a late night birthday party thrown at a bar for her son it's because she's an alcoholic. Not because she doesn't want to get stick with the tab for the open bar....

Man, your MIL can’t win. If she asks details about the videographer she’s wrong. If she doesn’t ask details about the photographer she’s wrong. If she’s surprised by something she’s wrong. If she compliments your dress, she’s wrong. I get the impression there is no reaction this woman could have that would be right!

She drinks .... you can't expect rationale behavior from an alcoholic.

I'm the mother of sons and I hope that one day my future DILs feel comfortable enough with me to share these sorts of details with me. I don't think that Op is doing anything wrong or pushy but it's clear from her MIL's reaction that she is not the type, for whatever reason, who feels comfortable being approached like this.

One would think that she would have at least a mild curiosity about her son's own wedding. I would love to go on a wedding cake taste test or to check out the different venues and offer my input. Whatever the future bride felt comfortable sharing with me. I would not appreciate being pressured into paying for expensive things that I couldn't afford. I'm not saying that Op is doing that but it does seem as though her MIL might be taking it that way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If my brother’s bride kept sending my mom links to vendors, she would think you were fishing for financial contributions.

Gosh, this sounds like my dad. Whenever I have tried to share things with him (deciding between two car models, a house I wanted to bid on, inviting him to drive to another city with me), his response is, "Well I hope you don't think I'm going to pay for it!"

Like, chill, you haven't given me a dime since I left for college.

While I see your point, plenty of people do fish for money like this, so it’s not crazy to think that might be what’s going on.

I want to say this nicely because I think you mean well: no one cares about your wedding details. Honestly what do you want MIL to say when you send her links to wedding vendors? I would humor my close friends or sister, but no I don't want to see their wedding vendors' websites.

She's probably thinks you're spending too much and she may think her dear son is going to go into debt to make his demanding bride happy.

Anonymous wrote: If my brother’s bride kept sending my mom links to vendors, she would think you were fishing for financial contributions.

Gosh, this sounds like my dad. Whenever I have tried to share things with him (deciding between two car models, a house I wanted to bid on, inviting him to drive to another city with me), his response is, "Well I hope you don't think I'm going to pay for it!"

Like, chill, you haven't given me a dime since I left for college.

You do seem sort of spendy and bridezilla, Op.