Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Which “one”? Name the “culture.”

I see you come from the "one" that doesn't understand sarcasm or humor.

Where is the humor of generalising people and working in blanket statements based on literally skin color?

Shall I share my blanket observations of perpetrators of crimes I have directly witnessed, worst behavior I have directly observed in public, articulation and proper use of English, etc.?

You keep saying this like it's a threat. Don't threaten, DO. If it will make you feel better and less aggrieved, write whatever you like here on this anonymous board full of people who DGAF. Enjoy!

Please don’t encourage this poster or anyone else to further derail this interesting thread. Thank you.

So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

I am Indian and I have never ever seen this behavior among my very large circle of family and friends either in India or the US. If anything its the opposite problem, with aunties and grandmas trying to push more food on everyone.

Agreed. I’m Indian too, but married a non Indian. I miss Aunties and my mom (RIP) pushing delicious food at all times, though as a kid it sometimes annoyed me. Now I’m a mom and don’t love cooking. I tell my kids to make their own meals sometimes (they’re just 10 and 7 but into “cooking”). I also feel bad that I don’t provide tons of healthy snacks, so they eat chips, whatever. I remember how my mom and aunts cut a lot of fresh fruit, made full meals from scratch so we weren’t hungry. Now we have dessert every day. Feel like I need to improve this.

Eastern European mom here. We had similar upbringing, ton of good home cooked food, not many deserts and seasonal fruit. We lived in Africa for a while and once we came here(US DH) we fell in a fast food and cookies and such time period. It was like we have it, let's get it.... And I had to make a conscious effort to stop it. My kids were also picky(by any standard due to severe health issues) but I am happy to report that now as older teens, they dislike sweets in general, will eat them but not a lot, but, now they ask for blueberries, watermelon, fruit all the time. They want home made food all the time. They eat everything! I like to cook, so that helps, but I found that once I changed my mind set, kids followed and were on board. But, for I while it was hard to resist the pull of easy fast food, premade meals, and all the snacks we missed while abroad. It can be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Which “one”? Name the “culture.”

I see you come from the "one" that doesn't understand sarcasm or humor.

Where is the humor of generalising people and working in blanket statements based on literally skin color?

Shall I share my blanket observations of perpetrators of crimes I have directly witnessed, worst behavior I have directly observed in public, articulation and proper use of English, etc.?

You keep saying this like it's a threat. Don't threaten, DO. If it will make you feel better and less aggrieved, write whatever you like here on this anonymous board full of people who DGAF. Enjoy!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

I am Indian and I have never ever seen this behavior among my very large circle of family and friends either in India or the US. If anything its the opposite problem, with aunties and grandmas trying to push more food on everyone.

Agreed. I’m Indian too, but married a non Indian. I miss Aunties and my mom (RIP) pushing delicious food at all times, though as a kid it sometimes annoyed me. Now I’m a mom and don’t love cooking. I tell my kids to make their own meals sometimes (they’re just 10 and 7 but into “cooking”). I also feel bad that I don’t provide tons of healthy snacks, so they eat chips, whatever. I remember how my mom and aunts cut a lot of fresh fruit, made full meals from scratch so we weren’t hungry. Now we have dessert every day. Feel like I need to improve this.

Anonymous wrote:According to that other thread, no food or drink whatsoever. Because you might make crumbs or spills. That lady has issues.

The kitchen is closed is a foreign concept to my family. It would be like saying the bathroom is closed. No, like the bathroom, the kitchen is for use when you need it. Just clean up after yourself.

Yeah, the people I know that have a "kitchen is closed" rule tend to have disordered cleaning issues and food issues. Everyone must be stick thin, they are the controllers of the food adn their word is law, and there must not be anything out of place or a crumb ever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.

Why not a happy medium and let people serve themselves, and clean up after themselves?

When we go to my in-laws they just won’t serve lunch. We started bringing peanut butter and bread and serving kids in our rooms. There’s nothing in her kitchen to serve ourselves and they don’t want us to leave. I do think it’s rude of we went through her cabinets searching for lunch food or cooking when no one else wants to eat. Kids like lunch though.

She doesn't want you to leave...and? I'd shrug and say you don't serve lunch and I'm tired of sneaking PB&J in our bedroom, so we're off to Panera. Bye.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Which “one”? Name the “culture.”

I see you come from the "one" that doesn't understand sarcasm or humor.

Where is the humor of generalising people and working in blanket statements based on literally skin color?

Shall I share my blanket observations of perpetrators of crimes I have directly witnessed, worst behavior I have directly observed in public, articulation and proper use of English, etc.?

This thread, which was already poised to be entertaining, just took an interesting turn. Let me get some lunch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

+1

I found this to be true. The "whiter" you are, the bigger your control issues are around eating, or other people eating, for that matter. My really, really white (almost translucent LOL) MIL insists on making less food than needed, it has spilled over to DH - even when we buy more than enough food for guests or holidays, he refuses to serve all of it, even though it is too much for our nuclear family to eat by ourselves. I am sure there is a term for this, but it is effed up.

Are you equating whiter with economic status or with actual color of skin? If with actually translucent skin, that is truly some far fetched mind set on your part. I am as white as it gets, translucent and Eastern European and apart from that weird aunt, I cook like nuts, serve food like nuts as does all of my family. And I know plenty of blonde, pale people who are heavy. What do you mean by the "whiter" you are?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.

Why not a happy medium and let people serve themselves, and clean up after themselves?

When we go to my in-laws they just won’t serve lunch. We started bringing peanut butter and bread and serving kids in our rooms. There’s nothing in her kitchen to serve ourselves and they don’t want us to leave. I do think it’s rude of we went through her cabinets searching for lunch food or cooking when no one else wants to eat. Kids like lunch though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Which “one”? Name the “culture.”

I see you come from the "one" that doesn't understand sarcasm or humor.

Just to add, some people in my DC suburb in MD are sure nuts about feeding people blue crabs! Both Hoopers trucks sold out and I couldn't even order it online few days ahead! Not accepting any pre-orders from 4th til 7th of July! I stopped by to see if they had any and they don't have a crab to spare! And both white and black people are buying them by bushels and bushels! Where are they having their party and how do I get invited?

This must be some weird control thing, right? This was never a thing, and nothing I ever heard about until reading it on dcum. I do have an aunt that would make a holiday or birthday dinner and serve us and adults, the tiniest slice of pizza. Like 3 inches by 2 inches size, and that was it. Her cake slice was as thin as a knife side. Nobody went to her events as soon as we could avoid it. I am from Eastern Europe and where you are fed till you explode, and this was back in my home country. She was definitely nuts and people spoke about her lack of manners all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!

Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.

The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.

Which “one”? Name the “culture.”