OP, does he says this when you are fighting or does he drop it casually, say when you are having dinner?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he is using "other people" to tell you how he views you and/or to make a comment/start an argument. He is basically saying that these people think this way about you so you should feel bad and do better. Its passive-aggressive, manipulative, and abusive.

+100

This is so true. There are no other people. He’s doing this to hurt you.

+1. What is his point in telling you what other people said about you? Does he agree and won’t be direct? Of is he just making stuff up to put you in the defensive?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he is using "other people" to tell you how he views you and/or to make a comment/start an argument. He is basically saying that these people think this way about you so you should feel bad and do better. Its passive-aggressive, manipulative, and abusive.

+100

This is so true. There are no other people. He’s doing this to hurt you.

He is 100% trying to hurt you. That is really messed up. Noone deserves to be treated like that.

Probably one person said you were "quiet" once and they might not have meant anything bad. Like "oh your wife is so quiet I hope we weren't being too obnoxious and loud!" I could see myself saying that b/c I can be too loud.

And he took that and weaponized it against you. That's something my abusive ex used to do- criticism of me through what "everyone" says about me. Guess what- he was lying.

Anonymous wrote:Why anyone in their right mind would say something negative about your spouse in your face?
For one, if he did something to them and they come to you for some sort of intervention then it would be reasonable to listen and act accordingly.
If they just don't like him and keep expressing it to you in different ways, it is not only inappropriate but damaging.
I am pretty sure you are an adult and you know where to seek for help or to confide when you need to but otherwise
them saying things at random is not something you should allow happening. Just let them know in a matter of factly manner that you find it offensive and inappropriate and you won't allow them to talk to you about your husband in such a manner so they have to choose their words wisely or you will stop interacting with them.

One exception is mother. .. moms tend to overstep sometimes but they often do not mean ill and often one can take it with a grain of salt but also sometimes they can see something that one can not but even so it is never acceptable to speak in front of the husband and has to be done in most polite and gentle manner not rude and direct.

This is your marriage, your husband and when they offend YOUR husband they offend you. They do not respect what is yours.

Uh, nope.

My mom pulled this bullshit once and I cut her off for a year, grandkids and all. Even after i let her back in my life, I've cooled my jets with her. Never will we spend a holiday with her. I will not expose my DH to her.

Moms don't get passes because they have a vagina.

Only 2 things are going on here and both have a poor result.

1. Your DH is lying about what people are saying

Or

2. You are truly wretched since it's an overwhelming opinion.

Maybe reevaluate yourself. For strangers to call you names you have to have some of those personality traits. I find it hard to believe these opinions are formed simply because you are quiet. Your husband would defend you uf they were lying. He also feels they are making an accurate assessment. He shouldn't randomly tell you what these people think.

When someone will be telling you next time how bad is your husband you need to ask them how far exactly they are willing to go as far as running your life, because with this comes responsibility. If they are willing to take it, for any consequences that will result from your splitting with your husband and if they will find you a new one? See.. the people are very fast to throw stones and give advices comes to one's marriage but this carry consequences if followed and then, they are nowhere to be found. I had an uncle who would never give anyone any advice. When asked why he said "what if they follow it?
and then blame me"?

Why anyone in their right mind would say something negative about your spouse in your face?
For one, if he did something to them and they come to you for some sort of intervention then it would be reasonable to listen and act accordingly.
If they just don't like him and keep expressing it to you in different ways, it is not only inappropriate but damaging.
I am pretty sure you are an adult and you know where to seek for help or to confide when you need to but otherwise
them saying things at random is not something you should allow happening. Just let them know in a matter of factly manner that you find it offensive and inappropriate and you won't allow them to talk to you about your husband in such a manner so they have to choose their words wisely or you will stop interacting with them.

One exception is mother. .. moms tend to overstep sometimes but they often do not mean ill and often one can take it with a grain of salt but also sometimes they can see something that one can not but even so it is never acceptable to speak in front of the husband and has to be done in most polite and gentle manner not rude and direct.

This is your marriage, your husband and when they offend YOUR husband they offend you. They do not respect what is yours.