DCUM Forum

Anonymous

07/01/2019 12:22 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

You shouldn't have told her about the sex of the embryos. Heck, my parents have no idea I even did IVF. I would let it go and be more careful about boundaries in the future.

Anonymous

06/30/2019 14:55 Subject: Re:Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:“I’m sorry you feel that way.” And then change the subject.

Every. Single. Time.

You don’t owe her anything. People who haven’t struggled with infertility can say the dumbest things.

And work on not telling her personal stuff in the future. That was a problem I had with my mother. It would feel natural to tell her something personal and then later she would use it against me. It's hard not to talk about such things when you've been used to doing it but in the long run it will give her less power over you. Sorry you have to go through this!

Anonymous

06/30/2019 14:46 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

please stop sharing this level of detail with your mom. You are a mom now, set some boundaries

Anonymous

06/28/2019 10:56 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:File it under Sometimes People React Poorly.

Different people, different reactions.

Maybe OP should not have told her mother about the gender choice. This is why it makes sense to keep mum with mom.

Anonymous

06/28/2019 10:46 Subject: Re:Gender Reveal disappointment

Tell your mom to pray that the baby is trans.

Anonymous

06/28/2019 10:43 Subject: Re:Gender Reveal disappointment

Some mothers just don’t have filters.

Anonymous

06/28/2019 10:28 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:Let her have her feelings. Imagine that you had really wanted a girl and learned that your baby would be a boy. Might you feel disappointed? And yet, you would love the baby when it was born, right? And if someone attacked you for wanting a girl, you'd (rightly) say that you had a right to your feelings, and that you just needed to process them over time. So extend your mom that same grace. This doesn't have to be a thing unless you make it one.

If she makes any other comments about the gender, just say, "Mom, I'm just thrilled to finally be having a baby. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not the right person to complain to, because I'm over the moon to be pregnant at all." And then change the subject or end the conversation.

The world would be a better place if people didn't feel the need to police each other's feelings.

She can have her feelings, but she doesn't have to express them to the OP. Congratulations, OP!

Anonymous

06/28/2019 09:13 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you choose which to implant?

We just told the doctor to pick the healthiest one, which happened to be male.

"Mom. We told the doctor to pick the embryo that seemed like it had the best chance of success. So, you know, we could be parents at all. We're thrilled with the outcome."

Anonymous

06/26/2019 22:02 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:Just say "after all I have been through I'm just happy to be having a baby". Change subject.

Exactly- and it’s the truth!

Anonymous

06/26/2019 21:57 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Just say "after all I have been through I'm just happy to be having a baby". Change subject.

Anonymous

06/26/2019 19:03 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh good gosh! Your mom wanted a granddaughter. She is human, and your struggles are yours, this is exactly why older people can't put up with their adult kids. Stop the drama. How many times you hurt her feelings in all your years? I bet you a million. She can have any ideas in her head, how are you going to control her head? There comes a time when grown up children are supposed to mature and realize that their parents are older and not their ultimate cheer leader, they are just people like yourself.

AMEN TO INFINITY!

You're pregnant, so be grateful and stop whining

+1 I'm sure you've blurted out something before that hurt someone else. Now be a grownup and forgive and forget.

Anonymous

06/26/2019 18:58 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

I think people often just don’t know what to say. My parents and in-laws were desperate for us to have kids but when we told them they all had different, insane reactions. My dad asked if we could afford it (we make 300k and no debt). My mil was stunned and wanted to go call her best friend. Instead of hugging us she gets on the phone. Dh took the phone from her hands and said we werent telling others yet. My mom started talking about how awful it would be to be pregnant in the summer.

Next baby we mailed them gifts that said things like “grandma to two”. Then they could practice their reactions. Hah

Anonymous

06/26/2019 18:54 Subject: Gender Reveal disappointment

I have. And it was dismissed by my family members as insignificant. Mostly because I kept it to myself. People have to make a big deal about anything today! My sister has no kids, and she also kept it to herself. It was my business, as it was my sister's business. There are some things that some people like to keep private. I suspect OP made a huge deal about a girl embryo and set up her mom for failure. If you want something bad to happen, you set up the stage for it. I kind of feel sorry for OP's mom being manipulated like this.

You’re strange.

I know.