The affair has nothing to do with the daughter and should not impact the mother-daughter relationship. I get that the daughter is mad the mom had an affair and broke up the family (except now she is saying she wishes her dad had left mom years earlier?!). But affair is a non issue for the daughter - the affair is only a issue with husband. The daughter is going to spend mosrt of her twenties and early thirties dealing psychologically with the bad relationhsip with her mom unless you can get it back on track. Do you really want daughter to have this level of emotional baggage so that you can win and be the good parent? Mom and daughter need to go to joint counselling.

Isn't it at all possible for child support to be funneled directly toward benefiting the child, if OP thinks that the mother doesn't need to receive it? I hear so many stories of men objecting to paying child support or wanting to lessen the amount.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

He thinks the mom living 10 miles away is a complication
He does not want 100% custody so he can date.
He wants to leave a 17 yo girl home alone when he travels.
He wants to have sleep overs with girlfiends when his daughter is there.
He wants to cut child support.
He doesn't make his daughter go to her mom's even though there is 50/50 custody.

He thinks that it is a longer commute that his kids won't like for school.

He said he is looking forward to having an adult life but also said he is not ready to date yet. I mean, how awful is it that a parent is looking forward to having time to themselves at some time in the future. Awful, simply awful.

He was asking if it was a good idea. My parents left my brothers home alone when they were 15 and 17, my younger brother and I went to a neighbors house because we were too young. For the record, there were no parties because my parents told the neighbors that my brothers were home alone and they kept an eye on the house. My brothers had emergency contacts and went to the neighbors to have dinner with us.

He does not have a girlfriend and said he is not interested in dating right now.

He wants to cut child support because the kids don't want to go to Moms so why should he pay child support?

He is respecting that his 17 year old daughter doesn't want to go to Mom's because she knows that Mom cheated and feels that her Mother is emotionally abusive. The daughter is in therapy. Sorry, but at 17, the daughter should be able to make her own mind up about where she wants to live. If a Mom posted that their 17 year old child did not want to live with Dad half the time because Dad had an affair and was emotionally abusive, people would be all over protecting the kid from the Dad.

OP is kind of a dick in his responses, he is pretty fast with the insults and bad language. He is not a saint. No doubting that, but I have to believe that if I women posted this story people would be tripping over themselves to pat the Mom on the back for taking on two teenagers after their Father cheated on Mom and why oh why shouldn't she move on with her life?

If OP were a woman the responses would be so different.

OP, that's kind of you to keep your cheating wife on your health insurance. I would change the morality clause and also get legal full custody for the older one. Also, since the older one knows about the affair, I'd say it's likely the younger one will find out soon too.

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

He thinks the mom living 10 miles away is a complication
He does not want 100% custody so he can date.
He wants to leave a 17 yo girl home alone when he travels.
He wants to have sleep overs with girlfiends when his daughter is there.
He wants to cut child support.
He doesn't make his daughter go to her mom's even though there is 50/50 custody.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you should have posted as if you're mom.

Man hating PP's what if dad cheated, and DD didn't want to see him. Hmmm?

That would be the price he pays for breaking up the family. And poor, poor mom has to parentctwo teens without a break. She has to dobir all by herself.

So he should have posted... my H cheated and my daughter won't go to his house. How do I force her so I can bone another guy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll take your daughter since clearly neither of you care about her best interests.

F*ck you, you nasty twat.

Can't imagine why your wife left you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

And the cheating wife?

Lol mom cheats and causes a divorce but dad is the bad guy.

No. The dad is the bad guy because his posts make him sound like a bad guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your work schedule to be a full time parent. Grow up. No she cannot stay alone. No, do not go after child support if you do not need it. If you make more you could pay.

I work from home so that isn’t an issue. Why should I pay my wife child support if the child doesn’t live with her?

Because your wife needs a home that your daughter can go to. It's you and your daughter who decided to not have her go to her moms. Her mom is not absent.

Are you stupid or do you just lack reading skills? No, my wife and I decided we would do 50/50. That was a mutual agreement. My daughter refuses. When I encouraged my daughter to give it a try, my daughter started getting mad at me because I wouldn’t just join her in bashing her mother. Her mother is, indeed, a vacuous, greedy, selfish cheating whore, but that is not something I would ever say to her children.

So every time your child gets mad you cave.

I get her mom sucks but it's not like she has a dangerous home.

You say, yea it sucks, life sucks it will make a great college essay. Mom will be here at 5.

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

It's DCUM. I like to play a game - how quickly will posters turn on OP? It happens faster with male posters but happens with women, too.

So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:your daughter needs counseling. You need to insist on this counseling. The most problematic part of this whole thing is the girl not wanting a relationship with a non-abusive mom - that will have long-term negative emotional consequences for her. The logistics of where she lives is much less important than this.

My daughter is receiving counseling.

She would tell you her mother is emotionally abusive. That’s what she tells the therapists anyway. I don’t know if I would go that far — I don’t think my daughter knows what emotional abuse actually is, but her mother is definitely cold, nasty and self-absorbed. I have been the default parent for most of their lives. She is actually mad at me for not leaving her mother sooner when she was younger, but she doesn’t understand how custody laws work.

But yeah, she comes first. It’s not like I am ready to date, anyway.

Your poor kid. She is screwed. 18 is going to be a blessing for her. I hope she’s college bound. I came from a toxic family like this. Free counseling on campus was a godsend and is probably the reason my kids aren’t screwed up. I’m really worried about the 14 year old though. She’s got 3-4 more years of this mess. This is why we need to keep emancipation on the books as an option for kids who are pawns in adult games.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your work schedule to be a full time parent. Grow up. No she cannot stay alone. No, do not go after child support if you do not need it. If you make more you could pay.

I work from home so that isn’t an issue. Why should I pay my wife child support if the child doesn’t live with her?

Because your wife needs a home that your daughter can go to. It's you and your daughter who decided to not have her go to her moms. Her mom is not absent.

Are you stupid or do you just lack reading skills? No, my wife and I decided we would do 50/50. That was a mutual agreement. My daughter refuses. When I encouraged my daughter to give it a try, my daughter started getting mad at me because I wouldn’t just join her in bashing her mother. Her mother is, indeed, a vacuous, greedy, selfish cheating whore, but that is not something I would ever say to her children.

Um, I am not PP but your ex does still need a home that your younger DD can go to, right? And that your older DD can go to if she changes her mind or her raw feelings mellow towards her mom. If she can’t afford a reasonable place without the child support then that should be a concern for you. You sound pretty reasonable all things considered. I hope these mean responses are from one of the MRA trolls who takes issue with your being treated unfairly here and not from OP, because getting real mean and name calling with a quickness, even to those being overly harsh and trolly to you, is not a good sign for getting your kids through this mess in a relatively healthy way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your work schedule to be a full time parent. Grow up. No she cannot stay alone. No, do not go after child support if you do not need it. If you make more you could pay.

I work from home so that isn’t an issue. Why should I pay my wife child support if the child doesn’t live with her?

To keep what fragile peace there is. To keep her from going to Court arguing that you or your daughter is in contempt of the court order. To keep her from arguing that you are turning your daughter against her (alienation of affection) and she should get full custody of your daughter. Sometimes you pay for peace, especially if you can afford it. If you’re mainly just paying for peace then I would say stop paying for 2 when the oldest turns 18. There’s very little she can do about that legally.

And don’t leave your already emotionally fragile teen DD home alone when you travel!

Well, updates show us that this poor child is stuck between a rock and a hard place!