Anonymous wrote:I don't want to start a war about this but I'm really curious about something. Why does it bother you when SAHMs talk about what they do or express their frustrations? I was reading the "what surprised you about being a SAHM to young kids" thread and it was fairly reasonable and non-contentious for many pages. Mostly SAHMs and former SAHMs talking about the various pros and cons. But then a bunch of working moms had to come in and start shaming SAHMs for their choice.

Why does it bother you if SAHMs want to talk about their issues among themselves? Why do you feel the need to butt in to prove that you're better? "Well *I* have a flexible job that allows me to get home at 3:30 and I make 200k. My husband has the same except he makes 500k." I'm exaggerating but only slightly. Surely you realize that those are unicorn jobs? Great for you, I really mean that! But it's not relevant to the conversation or the OP's question. OP obviously doesn't have a situation like that or she'd mention it. She probably wouldn't be weighing whether to become a SAHM or not.

Why do you feel the need to butt in?

I did didn’t read any of that post so can’t comment on your accusations.
I can comment that there are many well paying jobs in the wash dC area for well qualified men and women that pay over $200k and have decent hours and flexibility when necessary. DC has more of these such jobs in private and public, large and small organizations than I have seen in several large US and non US cities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old really enjoys watching me get ready for work. She gushes, So pretty Mommy! in a way that makes me feel like I look like a total frump on the weekends. She loves coming to the office with me and runs right into her playroom. At home, she often asks to go with me to work. When I'm on a conference call, she shushes her dolls. I feel like my kid is very supportive of her working mom. Am I the only one who feels like there's a good balance for me and family with work and home?

Well, considering most of us don't have playrooms for our kids at work...

Yeah, what is this? I work in a row of cubicles, my kid is never coming to the office with me!

+1. That's kind-a like a futuristic impossible situation. Tell us more, or maybe don't actually!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't open the thread you mentioned. Because I don't open threads addressed to SAHMs.

Shockingly I'm not on DCUM to stir up trouble!

Most moms, both SAHM and WOHM moms, are decent people. Let's remember that and not assume the worst of each other.

Ditto.

I am a WOHM with 2.5h commute each day and very thankful for telecommute-Fridays.
But sometimes I think - it must be nice to be able to afford being a SAHM.

OP, I didn't open the thread you mentioned. Because I don't open threads addressed to SAHMs.

Shockingly I'm not on DCUM to stir up trouble!

Most moms, both SAHM and WOHM moms, are decent people. Let's remember that and not assume the worst of each other.

I have no issues with SAHMs. What brothers me is families with 3 or more kids. Usually they can't afford them and don't have resources to meet their needs.

So the kids grow up in some form of neglect and end up using government resources like free lunches, free medical care, they get college grants because no way their parents can afford it ,etc. Because of the neglect they have issues, etc

So when my pastor says Christians must multiply and God will provide I want to remind him that it was not God but our taxes that paid for his kids' college and medical care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old really enjoys watching me get ready for work. She gushes, So pretty Mommy! in a way that makes me feel like I look like a total frump on the weekends. She loves coming to the office with me and runs right into her playroom. At home, she often asks to go with me to work. When I'm on a conference call, she shushes her dolls. I feel like my kid is very supportive of her working mom. Am I the only one who feels like there's a good balance for me and family with work and home?

Well, considering most of us don't have playrooms for our kids at work...

Yeah, what is this? I work in a row of cubicles, my kid is never coming to the office with me!

So glad I work from home full time.

It doesn't bother me at all. I have been both.

Anonymous wrote:My 3 year old really enjoys watching me get ready for work. She gushes, So pretty Mommy! in a way that makes me feel like I look like a total frump on the weekends. She loves coming to the office with me and runs right into her playroom. At home, she often asks to go with me to work. When I'm on a conference call, she shushes her dolls. I feel like my kid is very supportive of her working mom. Am I the only one who feels like there's a good balance for me and family with work and home?

Well, considering most of us don't have playrooms for our kids at work...

Anonymous wrote:Why can't I comment on things that I feel like I might be able to help with? Is that not allowed because I'm a WOHM?

The issues isn't who works and who doesn't. The issue is the people that promote a negative attitude towards other's decisions. I don't care who works, or doesn't. Do what works for you and your family. We need to support one another because raising kids is hard. Its the hardest thing that any of us will likely do in our lives. As a society, we shun woman that don't baby wear, breastfeed, stay home, or let their baby cry for than a minute. Never really thinking about what works for my family isn't necessarily going to work for other families.

Well, if the poster is asking for people who have experience staying home full time to comment on how something in particular feels to others who've done that, then the post isn't for people who haven't done that.

You are obviously able to post anywhere you'd like but if your perspective was not the one requested, why would you be surprised that people don't want to hear it?

I think this whole fake conflict is a red herring.

I've worked part time. I've stayed at home full time. I don't pretend I know what it feels like to work full time and also take care of my kids. Hats off to all who do it.

Props also go out to all of you moms who, like me, have decided to have as your primary full time job staying at home and taking care of your kids. That's especially brave in the DC area where people often seem to see their jobs as the only thing that makes them important.

Both choices have their pluses and minuses. No one's a victim. We all make sacrifices.

We all deal with a society that doesn't see the tremendous work we do raising children as important or even as real work. Fight this messed up system women!

Why can't I comment on things that I feel like I might be able to help with? Is that not allowed because I'm a WOHM?

The issues isn't who works and who doesn't. The issue is the people that promote a negative attitude towards other's decisions. I don't care who works, or doesn't. Do what works for you and your family. We need to support one another because raising kids is hard. Its the hardest thing that any of us will likely do in our lives. As a society, we shun woman that don't baby wear, breastfeed, stay home, or let their baby cry for than a minute. Never really thinking about what works for my family isn't necessarily going to work for other families.

It doesn't bother me, but I do find it amusing when my SAHM friends get themselves in a knot over something that I think is silly like getting upset when their able bodied teenagers have to walk .2 miles home from school a few times a year when something prevents the SAHM from picking up at school. I get upset when a SAHM assumes that I don't care about my child because I work or is obviously surprised to me at a school function because if I work I obviously don't care about what goes on at school. Honestly, most of the SAHMs that I have met over my many years of parenting are very nice and I love all of my friends dearly. There are always a couple of douchebags in every population. When I run into them, I pivot and avoid them.

I have been a SAHM, WOHM, and am now fully disabled so I am again staying at home. I just ignore people who feel that they need to shame other women for their life choices. Women need to learn to build other women up, not tear them down.

PP here. I forgot to also mention the WOHMs who are all "Why don't you just get a 200k flexible job like I have?" are also annoying.

There are a lot of trolls on DCUM. I'm convinced half the nasty posts are basement-dwelling men.

I (as a former SAHM) roll my eyes at the wide-eyed fake victim group of SAHMs at DCUM (the ones who will talk about how they simply couldn't bear to let someone else raise their kids, how they simply cannot imagine not marrying a wealthy man, etc) and then pretend they have no possible idea why anyone would be offended. Though, if it's true that they genuinely have no idea, then it's obvious they are so dim and lacking in social skills that pity should be the only response. I think OP is likely in this category.

I also have the same response for the WOHMs who make fake wide-eyed statements (I can't imagine being so subservient to my husbands, I want to model respect for my daughters, etc.). I mean, use a little imagination and look around you.

The fact is that SAH versus WOH is largely irrelevant on a personal basis anyhow when it comes to kids, and many people do both. People who hinge their identities on one or the other and lash out are not seeing the larger picture.