OP— my kid has been like this he whole life. We did a full workup at CMC when she was 6, including a dietician and child psych. And I got great advice that has mostly worked. Although I was not happy at the time. I had been in the You eat what is put on the table camp. But she really couldn’t and was getting panicky about mealtime. Even I could see we were headed for an eating disorder.

She’s now 15. And since she was 6, she has give the parent who was shopping her shopping list, we stock what she asks for. And if she doesn’t like what we are eating as a family, she can make herself whatever she wants. Reheat from a previous night. Make a sandwich. Cook a simple meal. Have scrambled eggs and cantaloupe for dinner. We also let her eat when she is hungry. She needs to sit at the table for a while at dinner and talk to the family. But if she wants to eat earlier or later, that’s fine.

BTW, she is 5’4’’ and probably close to her adult height. Very normal for our family. Only 89 pounds though. She has always been underweight. But eats a lot of food and probably has the healthiest diet in the family— a lot of fresh fruit, plain chicken, milk and cheese and whole grains and has decent calorie intake. Not much highly refined. Definitely not anorexic— although she looks like she could be. She is first in line for pizza and ice cream, but given the choice wants a small ice cream or 1-2 pieces of pizza, not 4. . She self regulates her diet very well.

So for us, backing off and giving her the control— and the responsibility to prepare food— helped. By preparing, she knows exactly what is in it. That seems to be a piece of the puzzle.

Someone may have mentioned this already, but talk to her pediatrician about checking for food allergies, celiac disease, intolerances, etc. - some kids are picky or rigid about foods because something in their current diet makes them feel yucky and they haven't quite realized that it's food X, they just know eating makes their stomach hurt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 4yr old refuses all meat except sometimes chicken nuggets. He also doesn’t eat eggs or beans. He does eat but butter and hummus. So much hummus. If he doesn’t like dinner he makes himself a PB sandwich, a bowl of cereal or pasta dipped in hummus. I make a pot of wagon wheels every few days and toss with a bit of olive oil and salt so they don’t stick. He reheats them as needed.

My points being - my almost 5yr old can take responsibility for picking and mostly prepping an alternative dinner. Your kid is 12.

If a severe picky eater gets accustomed to not eating a lot of food, and especially if they are told something along the lines of "This is what is for dinner; eat it or go hungry" (a popular parenting strategy to cure picky eating) and they just go hungry and do without for a long time, they can actually accommodate to being hungry and lose their appetite.

In such a case, telling the child to make their own dinner may actually not work. They don't have the appetite cues any longer to make themselves eat enough food, or they may eat just enough food to take the edge off their hunger and no more.

Then they drop lower and lower in the percentiles for weight, and height.

I know, because this happened with my own child. The pediatrician didn't believe that something was seriously wrong until he reached the 2nd percentile for weight. For many years she told me it was normal; my child was eating vegetables and drinking milk and eating cheese, so he wasn't really picky, etc.

Also this may or may not be helpful. My picky kid would only eat Chobani Flips and I hate that much sugar. I switched them to Greek whole milk vanilla and plain Greek whole milk yogurt mixed 50/50 and then I bought chocolate cheerios, chocolate rice crispies, mini marshmallows and mini chocolate chips. We made a mix of the “treats” that’s heavy on Cheerios and light on the chips and marshmallows. They use it as yogurt topping. I expected a mutiny, but it’s been going well.

Anonymous wrote:My 4yr old refuses all meat except sometimes chicken nuggets. He also doesn’t eat eggs or beans. He does eat but butter and hummus. So much hummus. If he doesn’t like dinner he makes himself a PB sandwich, a bowl of cereal or pasta dipped in hummus. I make a pot of wagon wheels every few days and toss with a bit of olive oil and salt so they don’t stick. He reheats them as needed.

My points being - my almost 5yr old can take responsibility for picking and mostly prepping an alternative dinner. Your kid is 12.

My kid is super picky, but maintains his height and weight percentiles. We discuss it with his pediatrician and keep an eye on if and when he might need feeding therapy. How did you let this go for 9 years?