Anonymous wrote:This isn't just a parent thing - in adult friendships there are organizers and there are accepters, it's best to have multiple organizers so everyone feela confident and liked but sometimes one person just has to take on more of that role. The alternative isn't that it will even out and become fair. It's that you won't have as much of a friendship.

Anonymous wrote:I attribute a huge part of the challenge of this to the DC area. A lot of people here are competitive, ladder climber types more interested in getting ahead than authentic friendship. Even those interested in “friendship” may not willing to be authentic—they simply use friendships as an excuse to show off and present an Imstagrammable vision of a picture perfect life - they throw over the top dinner parties or kid’s parties, they host get togethers to show off their amazingly nice, clean house (god forbid you ever invite someone over and the house look, daresay, normal or messy), they excessively Instagram get togethers to show the world they have friends, how Pinterest-worthy their cooking is, etc. I’ve lived here for over a decade and still have friends who will have me over unless their house looks like it’s ready for a professional photo shoot.

Then there’s the childless - plenty of DINKS and singles will never have kids and will lose interest in you as a friend once you become a parent. They won’t like kids, or it will remind them of what they want and can’t/may never have, or they don’t care to be your friend once boozy brunch and late night drinking and adults only gatherings are not part of your regular life anymore.

Another huge hurdle is geography: It takes forever to get anywhere because of the traffic, and people live everywhere in the suburbs so even if you make good friends they could all live 30 minutes-an hour away and then it’s virtually impossible to get together around everyone’s perpetually overscheduled lives, kid’s nap schedules, illnesses, etc.

And then the whole transient nature of the city adds to the complexity, the massive range of wealth can put people on very different scales (in our neighborhood you’ve got low income housing, expensive apartments, and multimillion dollar homes) making it hard to relate, and the fact that people are constantly moving in and out creates a very difficult and constant churn.

Personally I spent close to a decade making friends and putting in the time and energy and so many of these folks have now moved I have largely given up. Meanwhile I have watched other friends move to new communities in other areas (Midwest, New England, Northwest) and find groups of friends relatively easy, so I honestly think much of the challenge is just DC. People don’t move here to make friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Note that she is putting in a lot of effort. That’s what it takes around here.

Why the "around here"? It's hard to make friends as an adult everywhere. I hear this from my friends that moved to Seattle ("so many transplants!"), my friends that move to Iowa ("everyone already has friends from high school/college and we can never fully integrate in!") etc etc. The whole DC is so uniquely difficult is overkill. When you move anywhere as an adult it takes work to make and keep friends unless you get lucky and happen into an existing friend group. This is just life.

I know I'm picking an irrelevant battle that doesn't matter but ugh. I do agree that OP is doing the work! I don't think that's in question.

Agree with this. I’ve lived other places, and split my time between 2 states now, and don’t find this area to be any different. It’s human nature. Some people are good at organizing (I am one of them) others aren’t. OP play to your strengths and accept it.

The exception is living overseas where the expat community tends to create a community pretty quickly and there is constant movement in and out of the group as people arrive and leave.