Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid here: throwing out your junk was not hard. Stop whining.

Cleaning out my mom’s house was a nightmare. It was time-consuming, costly (plane tickets, childcare, haulers), and unpleasant. On top of that, it adds tremendously to landfills.

Ditto. And mine was nowhere near this. I vowed then and there that I will not do the same to my kids. Get rid of your own stuff people. And for those of you saying why does the son have to rub it in the Mother’s face - well, why doesn’t the mother respect the son’s directly stated wishes that he does not want more stuff?

interesting thread. my ils downsized two years ago. mil miffed that we turned down some of the furniture. i gently explained more than once that we live in a small home and are not able to take or use the items. she gets agitated on how some of the furniture is quite expensive. i then gently explain to her that the furniture market is vastly different now and that the Baker table just does not command the same price as it did when she bought it. some of it is generational and some of it is that her life more closely resembles that of her parents and in-laws than what ours does to hers. she is fairly clueless that she and her husband came of age in post WWII and their income has been on an upward trajectory while that of her children's has stalled out or even dropped.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid here: throwing out your junk was not hard. Stop whining.

Cleaning out my mom’s house was a nightmare. It was time-consuming, costly (plane tickets, childcare, haulers), and unpleasant. On top of that, it adds tremendously to landfills.

I'm with you on time-consuming but it was also a joy because I knew how much some of the items meant to my MIL. She was a child of the Holocaust and her family came here with nothing. Everything she had was collected lovingly, with joy and with an appreciation for its beauty. About 90% of what she had we were able to give away. Because we were renovating the house before reselling it, this meant that even the kitchen cupboards and countertops and all of the appliances etc were removed and donated to Habitat for the Humanity and other organizations. The other 10% was taken by her children and families.

It took a ton of time and we were greatly unprepared because her death was sudden and unexpected, and she was young. However, I will never begrudge her that she lived her life as she (and her husband, my FIL) wanted, and that they had things that brought pleasure to them. She was happy. That's all that matters to me.

I don't want to sound to preachy but I'm still gonna … you chose to send your mom's stuff to a landfill. That's on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has hoarded all kinds of antiques, china, furniture, knick knacks... you name it. And she keeps buying more. She says it's "for us when she's gone".

Every time she brings it up, my husband tells her we will not be taking any of it and it's going straight to Goodwill, and she gets extremely upset. Then she goes back to pretending we never had the conversation and buying more stuff. "It's for you when I pass!"

Noooope. We keep a fairly simple, uncluttered home, we dislike knick knacks, and we already have nice china and all furniture we need. If she wants to spend her money on stuff that's going to be donated when she passes, it's her money to waste.

Why does your husband have to say that? Why does he have to be a jerk to his mom? Just donate the stuff when it's time, no need to rub it in her face that he plans to do that.

Did you not see in my post that she is a hoarder? Like what you see on the TV show - furniture and boxes of stuff piled up high everywhere with paths throughout the house. Our kids cannot enter her home because it isn't safe. She isn't financially stable either, yet can't stop shopping. She uses the "it's for you when I die" excuse to justify her shopping and hoarding habits.

These discussions happen because a) she asks us for money, or b) she wants the kids (who are very young) to spend the night in that house. My husband doesn't just randomly come over and tell her he's going to get rid of all her things. Usually the conversations go one of two ways. "I need X amount of money" - "Mom, I will directly pay a bill on your behalf but I am not going to give you cash to buy more stuff." "But if's for you when I'm gone!" or "I want to give you a break - bring the kids for the weekend." "Not until you clear out the mountains of things in your house." "But it's for you when I'm gone!"

DP. Perhaps if you had done a better (much better!) job justifying your label of "hoarder" in your original post, the PP would not have responded as s/he did. Frankly, I think you're probably being hyperbolic and now trying to lay it on thick. I agree with the PP that you and your husband sound like you're pretty unkind and rude to his mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kid here: throwing out your junk was not hard. Stop whining.

Cleaning out my mom’s house was a nightmare. It was time-consuming, costly (plane tickets, childcare, haulers), and unpleasant. On top of that, it adds tremendously to landfills.

Awwww. That is so sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bad art like that is so problematic. You don’t want to throw it but you don’t want to look at it either. And what does Trump have to do with it ?

If you read the post closely, you would know.

Why would I bother to do that with the ignorant reference to Trump in a post about his parents portrait?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently, I am the only one that likes the inherited furniture. I like that our kitchen table is being used by the 4th and 5th generation and the chairs too. I love the small table from my grandmother's because I reminds me of her... Both DH and I inherited furniture from grandparents an parents that we love. I love using my maternal grandmother's china- she died when my mother was 14. I I didn't realize I am an odd duck.

It's not that we didn't love our grandparents. We don't have the space for it.

I would love some of my grandma's things or inherited furniture. Except all our grandparents are in their 80s/90. We're nearing 40 and our parents are 70. Our parents are the ones who will get everything and sell it for cash or toss it. I assume we'll be retired before we get any possessions from our parents. Inherited furniture/dishes only goes to children, not grandchildren or great grandchildren.

Anonymous wrote:Kid here: throwing out your junk was not hard. Stop whining.

Cleaning out my mom’s house was a nightmare. It was time-consuming, costly (plane tickets, childcare, haulers), and unpleasant. On top of that, it adds tremendously to landfills.

Anonymous wrote:Apparently, I am the only one that likes the inherited furniture. I like that our kitchen table is being used by the 4th and 5th generation and the chairs too. I love the small table from my grandmother's because I reminds me of her... Both DH and I inherited furniture from grandparents an parents that we love. I love using my maternal grandmother's china- she died when my mother was 14. I I didn't realize I am an odd duck.

It's not that we didn't love our grandparents. We don't have the space for it.

Anonymous wrote:Bad art like that is so problematic. You don’t want to throw it but you don’t want to look at it either. And what does Trump have to do with it ?

If you read the post closely, you would know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bad art like that is so problematic. You don’t want to throw it but you don’t want to look at it either. And what does Trump have to do with it ?

Liberals will literally find ANY excuse to bring him up. Any excuse. Even in a parent-furniture thread. I’m embarrassed for the PP that his presence is so pervasive in her life that she felt the need to bring it up here. It’s actually pathetic.

Actually it's pathetic that you have to stereotype liberals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has hoarded all kinds of antiques, china, furniture, knick knacks... you name it. And she keeps buying more. She says it's "for us when she's gone".

Every time she brings it up, my husband tells her we will not be taking any of it and it's going straight to Goodwill, and she gets extremely upset. Then she goes back to pretending we never had the conversation and buying more stuff. "It's for you when I pass!"

Noooope. We keep a fairly simple, uncluttered home, we dislike knick knacks, and we already have nice china and all furniture we need. If she wants to spend her money on stuff that's going to be donated when she passes, it's her money to waste.

Why does your husband have to say that? Why does he have to be a jerk to his mom? Just donate the stuff when it's time, no need to rub it in her face that he plans to do that.

Did you not see in my post that she is a hoarder? Like what you see on the TV show - furniture and boxes of stuff piled up high everywhere with paths throughout the house. Our kids cannot enter her home because it isn't safe. She isn't financially stable either, yet can't stop shopping. She uses the "it's for you when I die" excuse to justify her shopping and hoarding habits.

These discussions happen because a) she asks us for money, or b) she wants the kids (who are very young) to spend the night in that house. My husband doesn't just randomly come over and tell her he's going to get rid of all her things. Usually the conversations go one of two ways. "I need X amount of money" - "Mom, I will directly pay a bill on your behalf but I am not going to give you cash to buy more stuff." "But if's for you when I'm gone!" or "I want to give you a break - bring the kids for the weekend." "Not until you clear out the mountains of things in your house." "But it's for you when I'm gone!"

Anonymous wrote:Bad art like that is so problematic. You don’t want to throw it but you don’t want to look at it either. And what does Trump have to do with it ?

Liberals will literally find ANY excuse to bring him up. Any excuse. Even in a parent-furniture thread. I’m embarrassed for the PP that his presence is so pervasive in her life that she felt the need to bring it up here. It’s actually pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has hoarded all kinds of antiques, china, furniture, knick knacks... you name it. And she keeps buying more. She says it's "for us when she's gone".

Every time she brings it up, my husband tells her we will not be taking any of it and it's going straight to Goodwill, and she gets extremely upset. Then she goes back to pretending we never had the conversation and buying more stuff. "It's for you when I pass!"

Noooope. We keep a fairly simple, uncluttered home, we dislike knick knacks, and we already have nice china and all furniture we need. If she wants to spend her money on stuff that's going to be donated when she passes, it's her money to waste.

Why does your husband have to say that? Why does he have to be a jerk to his mom? Just donate the stuff when it's time, no need to rub it in her face that he plans to do that.

Kid here: throwing out your junk was not hard. Stop whining.