Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:There comes a time when you can do no more. Do not feel guilty. Get on with your life and I speak from experience.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am sorry for all you and your son are suffering through.

What I have to share is from my own personal experience. I was the addict in my family - oldest of 3. Both parents with phds, went to prep school in this area etc... my substances of choice were different. I started to use in high school and spiraled out of control in college.

I went to rehab in my early twenties and then straight into a sober living situation for 10 months. This was a brutal period of life for me and the sobriety I experienced was purely done by white knuckling it. My parents took hard advice during this time and basically stripped me of all my support and privileges except for paying for sober living rent. One more slip up and they were going to cut me off and they meant it. They wouldn’t even give me cash for a coffee - if desperate only gift cards.

I’m not going to include all the details of my story because it would take too long and there would be too many ups and downs. But basically my sobriety didn’t last and I had a few more years of ups and downs. I was totally independent though. There was no way I was being helped financially with anything so through it all I had this intense focus to support myself. Essentially long story short I ultimately made it on my own to true sobriety. It wasn’t ultimately between me and my higher power.

That year and a half I spent in rehab and then a sober house (while remaining with the same therapist) were key though. And the financial withdrawal from my parents. Even though in the short run that might have seemed like a failure in ways since I picked up certain substances again, it wasn’t. So many seeds were planted. And not having my parents to fall back on was huge.

Throughout it all I had hope to want to keep living. I had this belief that if I couldn’t see into the future that that meant maybe the future could be good. That kept me going and living and trying.

Throughout it all I openly want to AA, NA, and many therapists and support groups.

My only advice to you would be to let go of whatever being a “private person” means to you in relation to groups. I just sense that whatever is holding you back there will free you in some way. There is no shame or judgment in struggling with addiction or having a dear family member struggle with it. Other posters are right that this is a family disease. Take care of yourself, share what is on your heart with your son, get clear on your own boundaries and where your financial support for him ends, and then follow through.

Best of luck and God speed.

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Cost of rehab. Inpatient can be like $650 a day and insurance does not always pay for it - or maybe there is no insurance. It adds up unbelievably fast.

Yes, $100k for the 12 mos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Cost of rehab. Inpatient can be like $650 a day and insurance does not always pay for it - or maybe there is no insurance. It adds up unbelievably fast.