Anonymous
05/15/2019 01:20
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Please tell us the menu OP. Did you have ham and cheesy potatoes for Easter? If so, I approve.
Yes we did! We also had spinach, walnut, raspberry salad, quiche Lorraine, quiche Florentine, eggs, glazed ham, fruit tart cake, smoked salmon!
Anonymous
05/15/2019 00:57
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
I can't believe all the people on here who are saying that OP should bend to what her MIL does. I mean, you can ask if she'd like to contribute anything herself, or what traditions- but the MIL is being incredibly rude and it
s NOT on OP to accomodate her
s NOT on OP to accomodate her
Anonymous
05/15/2019 00:06
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Op your MIL is being bitchy. It's annoying and it's rude of her. The only thing she should be saying is thank you.
Next time your MIL says something smile widely and say "Thanks, glad you enjoy it". Even touch her lightly on the arm when you say it, then walk away leaving your MIL all confused.
She isn't going to change. If you feel snarky you could throw in a "well it's also tradition to thank the host but that tradition seems to be lost as well".
Next time your MIL says something smile widely and say "Thanks, glad you enjoy it". Even touch her lightly on the arm when you say it, then walk away leaving your MIL all confused.
She isn't going to change. If you feel snarky you could throw in a "well it's also tradition to thank the host but that tradition seems to be lost as well".
Anonymous
05/14/2019 23:32
Subject: Re:MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:If you cater every time, then that is your tradition. She can accept that or not eat. Regardless, it is your husbands job to put his mother in her place.
agree 100%
Anonymous
05/14/2019 21:49
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Long story short I hate cooking. I work full time and most of the times I just cater everything, provide good shampagne etc. On holidays like 4th DH grills. We just hosted Easter brunch and Mother’s Day brunch and MIL was bitching entire time that I don’t follow traditions. My mom told me not to worry as she seems to be the type when DIL( myself included) not good enough in anything.
I guess just venting here.
Sure you do, you cater everything for holidays, that's your tradition. if you stopped now, then you would be breaking tradition.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 21:15
Subject: Re:MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Ask the MIL what traditions she would like to see. It seems like the simple and kind thing to do. As a hostess, I want my guests to be happy and comfortable. As a DIL, I want to honor and respect my MIL. I have a high enough self-esteem that I can adjust my menu or practices without feeling threatened.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 19:43
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Why do you host holidays? Let her do it and complain about her.
DP. Please, NO! My SIL chooses to host holidays and she always has the main/side dishes catered. We just bring dessert. I LOVE that it's catered. No one slaving over a stove, little clean up and there's something for everyone. On the rare occasions my DH wants something 'traditional', he makes it and we bring it. I LOVE holidays at SILs!
Anonymous
05/14/2019 19:01
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you: when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???
I can’t think of any tradition honestly.
Sorry I misspelled champagne!
To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself)
Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.
Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.
I think it is up to OP's DH and his mother to continue traditions if they are so important. OP doesn't need to herself, and it seems like MIL won't appreciate OP's participation in any case.
Depends on whether OP wants to forge any bonds with her MIL. If OP reaches out and MIL firmly rejects, then so be it. DH can handle his mother.
People these days seem hell bent on drawing lines everywhere (your bank account, my bank account; your retirement funds, my retirement funds; your family, my family). The personal plural possessive adjective OURS almost seems anachronistic.
+1 PP You're all family, OP. She is part of the family you chose when you chose her son. It seems disingenuous to be so contrary and inhospitable to her. Find out what she wants, forgive her if she forgets and have a back-up. After all, she raised the man you married and now both of you love him. Find a little generosity of spirit for her.
Sorry, OP's MIL. You are free to host if you don't want to attend. And talk to your son if your traditions are so important.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:48
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Please tell us the menu OP. Did you have ham and cheesy potatoes for Easter? If so, I approve.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:47
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
OP, your DH talks to her. She is insulting him too. She either curbs her behavior or she's not invited
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:43
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Bringing in catered food seems like a great way for hosts to actually enjoy the holidays.
If you can afford it, go for it!
If you can afford it, go for it!
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:33
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???
I can’t think of any tradition honestly.
Sorry I misspelled champagne!
To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself
Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.
You need to stop hosting for a while and then see what she says. If no one else steps up, she may actually be grateful that you host - regardless of what you serve. I don’t think you should change from catering your meals. Working full-time, raising a family, and hosting are all a lot. Your MIL is way out of line here.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:30
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
I’m similar OP. I don’t cook - I do “prepare food.” DH’s family rotates who hosts Thanksgiving. I pre ordered Wegmans on my turn, including store bought desserts. I thought it was quite good and so did DH. BIL/SIL apparently didn’t though so they’ve insisted on hosting the last few times. Fine by me!
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:25
Subject: Re:MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
My aunt does this. Our 96 year old grandmother had Christmas catered from a place close to her house. It was great and she was so thrilled because it was much easier. Aunt kept going on and on how if she had known that grandma was going to buy a turkey already made she would have come over and made it. Aunt cooking in other people's kitchen is not easy for the host and her cooking is pretty crappy.
Anonymous
05/14/2019 17:25
Subject: MIL is bitching about the way I host holidays
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add an idea that may inspire you: when my great grandma got too old to help with meal prep, she and I would fold napkins when I was little.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Out of curiosity, is it the food you serve or is there something else in the vein of tradition she's complaining about? For instance, are they a family that says grace before meals at holiday time? Do they serve a piece from a single egg at Easter? Do they follow a religion different from yours? Do they wear funny hats on the Fourth???
I can’t think of any tradition honestly.
Sorry I misspelled champagne!
To those who thinks my catered food is not good, if I cook it will be worse than any catered food you ever tried. Also I make a salad myself
Last Christmas MIL made a huge deal because I don’t make homemade buns, so when I catered she requested not to order buns because she was going to make them. At the end she forgot to make them and we didn’t have buns at all. So this kind of thing happens constantly.
Ugh. That would drive me bonkers. However, maybe she just wants to feel included. I know that cooking together is a kind of bonding that has gone on in my family for generations before and after coming to the US. Maybe there is something simple you make with her? Maybe say something along the lines of "I'd like to start a tradition with you ...." It doesn't have to be cooking. Maybe its something she and the grandkids could do. Good luck.
I think it is up to OP's DH and his mother to continue traditions if they are so important. OP doesn't need to herself, and it seems like MIL won't appreciate OP's participation in any case.
Depends on whether OP wants to forge any bonds with her MIL. If OP reaches out and MIL firmly rejects, then so be it. DH can handle his mother.
People these days seem hell bent on drawing lines everywhere (your bank account, my bank account; your retirement funds, my retirement funds; your family, my family). The personal plural possessive adjective OURS almost seems anachronistic.
+1 PP You're all family, OP. She is part of the family you chose when you chose her son. It seems disingenuous to be so contrary and inhospitable to her. Find out what she wants, forgive her if she forgets and have a back-up. After all, she raised the man you married and now both of you love him. Find a little generosity of spirit for her.
Yes, that's true - but does he have any responsibility here? How about *he* show some generosity of spirit?
There are a couple of things we did growing up that I *hated* about holidays. So, we changed them. My mother clearly disapproves, but it's my house. I take the hear for it, and don't throw my wife under the bus. Sounds like OP's DH should do the same.
- Man