Oh, he and my youngest are coming to the graduation - leaving Sun, going home Monday evening. That works, as both of us don't need to be there to pack.

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Ironman widow. Luckily spouse does a lot of training early in am, late at night, days when doesn't go into the office, etc. But it's still a lot, so I feel ya.

The funny thing is, I'm not a needy woman. Normally I don't care. And usually my DD does move herself as she gets a storage unit in the state she goes to college in. This time, though, she's graduating and you don't miss your DD's graduation. And I need to help her pack all her stuff into the truck since she's moving back to our state - she can't do it alone as it's too much work. She'll drive her car and I'll drive the truck back on Tues of next week.

All I'm asking is a moratorium for the 6 days I'm gone. He can probably sneak in a ride for a couple hours some of those days, but not his normal length. Both boys are dealing with serious testing/finals this week into early next week and their stress level is high. My youngest, especially, is dealing with finals/graduation/off to college and is feeling it in a serious way. My eldest's son's college professor, friend, and mentor, hung himself at the beginning of the semester so it's been a tough semester for him all around. Both boys need their father this week. He can't seem to see that. He just had a meltdown because he wanted to go do a ride tonight with a group and I told him I'd rather him not, as both boys are having a tough day. It was like watching a child: "You don't let me go out with my friends". Are you kidding? He's been doing that ride for weeks and I've been saying "have a great time"

I flat-out told him if he can't pack it up for five days for the sake of his kids, then he needs to take a serious look in the mirror and check himself. I'm not his keeper, he can do what he wants, however this is very disturbing.

Anonymous wrote: It’s fine for him to have a hobby, but it’s not fine for him to put that hobby over everybody else’s needs. Seems like that’s what he’s doing. He’s expecting you to accommodate and take care of all the other things that need to happen in the family so that he can have his bike time. This is bullshit.

It really is. It's almost like the biking is replacing any and all family time. OP might be better off hiring someone to take care of the dogs, and then plan what she wants to do when all the kids are launched.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

+1 Washington DC is full of people like that, who think that having money will finally get them a seat at the cool kids' table.

Lol.

Guy here. When I was racing road/mtb my wife and I would sit down at the beginning of each season and agree on a training schedule. She also knew when my races were so that we could plan around them. I’d tried to get as much of my training done during non-family hours - up early riding the trainer weekdays or an agreed upon time on Saturday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

+1 Washington DC is full of people like that, who think that having money will finally get them a seat at the cool kids' table.

I'm an Ironman widow. Luckily spouse does a lot of training early in am, late at night, days when doesn't go into the office, etc. But it's still a lot, so I feel ya.

It’s fine for him to have a hobby, but it’s not fine for him to put that hobby over everybody else’s needs. Seems like that’s what he’s doing. He’s expecting you to accommodate and take care of all the other things that need to happen in the family so that he can have his bike time. This is bullshit.

I was also a bike widow but my husband starting getting up early and riding before we were all up and moving, like the previous poster said. He did however ride at least one 5-6 hour weekend ride. He loved it and felt so much better after he did it. There is definitely a balance to strike and it sounds like he isn’t willing to do that. If the issue is easy to solve by throwing money at it, like dog walkers, then do that to save your marriage. The fact that he isn’t willing to be the one to help your college kid pack up is a little alarming. But he is the one missing out on time with the kids. I think you can find a balance in there somewhere, I hope anyhow. I actually am a widow now and miss him everyday.

I also learned that there are many bike groups that are social meet-ups, hanging out having lunch etc. No thank you to this aspect

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

OP has the DH ever gotten into a morning ride schedule. I ride in the a.m the sun usually not up when I start that is what a light is for. My 40 mile ride can wrap up by the time the DW has her morning coffee done.

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe instead she can join him. And why is he or she obligated to help a grown child move or whatever? Helicopter mom.

You don’t understand the psychology of men like this. Going along with them is not an option. I’ve tried- some of the least fun, downright miserable attempts at a together activity. They don’t want to do this together and if they do allow you to join, you will be left in the dust immediately.

Dropping kids to college is not helicopter. Are you even a parent??

She is not dropping kids off at college. She’s helping daughter pack out of college. Now back in the day - 1980s - my father drive me from Florida to DC to start college my freshman year. After that, I moved myself to my first apartment. Then I moved myself for grad school. And again moved myself from the U.S. to Europe. OP is coddling. Rotor down.

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely worse hobbies (like, for example, having an affair, which seemed to be my spouse's hobby), but I can't believe it didn't dawn on him to help your daughter move her stuff. I agree with the PP who suggested that he go to help your daughter move, and you stay back with the kids at home and the dogs. Also, if he took his bike to your daughter's college, couldn't he still ride some? There needs to be some compromise with all of these events going on (daughter's move, daughter's graduation, kids' final exams).

Sure, park his $2500 bike on a college campus and the whole 'bike issue' will go away ... That's actually a great solution!