I agree with what seems to be the consensus here, which is that the employee did not do anything egregious here. I supervise a half-dozen people, but ultimately have very little power to change the terms of their employment unilaterally without involving my bosses. They all know this, because I am very candid with them about it. When they want something--a raise, a promotion, a perk, etc.--I encourage them to come to me. If I think it is a good idea, I tell them so and we strategize about how to go to my bosses to get it. If I think it is a bad idea, I tell them so (gently) but I always make sure to let them know that they are free to pursue it with my bosses, if they want to do so. My bosses care about what I think about the employees I supervise, so will consult me about the request. I would not be pissed about one of my reports going over my head to advocate for themselves. I would question their judgment if they did not consult me first to see if I would back them up, as they would be much better off with my support and advice. I would be pissed with my boss if he caved or if he cut me out of the loop. The only part of what your employee did here that is questionable is going out of her way to make sure you did not know about the meeting. As for that, I suggest you ask yourself why she did that and what it tells you about how she perceives you as a manager.

Anonymous wrote:First off you must offer said employee M&Ms when they return the office after they secretly met with your boss, but told you they had a dental appointment.

Once they accept the M&Ms, then you know what your boss told you is true. They are after your job.

Next you pretend that you just got fired, and that the employee has been promoted to your position.

Your employee will act sad momentarily, then immediately begin to move into your office.

Once employee has moved in and has had approximately 30 minutes of thinking they are the boss, then you reveal your position. Ask them to give you one good reason not to fire them right then and there.

They will beg at your feet for forgiveness. Employee will offer to do your laundry for a year as punishment.

When it appears that you are on the verge of firing your employee, insists that they "hug it out, bitch." Employee will quickly return to being your loyal right-hand man, but you will still be resentful, then it is time to force the employee to stand atop a box in the middle of the office, wearing a sign that says "LIAR".

Everyone who scrolled past this without recognizing it's beauty has brought shame upon their family.

I went to my manager for a raise/promotion and I was denied. I wasn't sure of the reasons for my denial; we were both under new management structure so I assumed that it was because my boss' new manager didn't know MY value rather than OUR value.

So I scheduled an appointment with my manager's manager. I didn't hide it from my manager but I didn't provide her will a lot of details either. I didn't want want it to turn into "team" messaging or anything like that. I wanted to advocate for myself. On my own merit with my own words.

I did just that and they came back with the same thing they told my boss; "not in the budget", "we have done all the promotions for this year" and etc...

I started applying and left the company 4 months later.

I don't think I was wrong. I don't think my boss was wrong.

I do think your employee is going to start looking somewhere else.

Just think its not about you. Don't think of it as going over your head. She went for reconsideration. She only needs one yes; and unfortunately its not a yes from you. A yes (from you) + a no (from your boss) = no. She does need to change your mind, she needs to change your boss'.

As junior employees we have to learn to speak with senior leadership and advocate for ourselves.

I think it depends on whether the 6 month timeline was communicated clearly to her. If the answer is no, she just wanted to get it from the horse's mouth.

With this promotion would she still be reporting to you? If so, then it would be wrong to go behind your back. If not, I would just consider it her taking initiative.

Anonymous wrote:First off you must offer said employee M&Ms when they return the office after they secretly met with your boss, but told you they had a dental appointment.

Once they accept the M&Ms, then you know what your boss told you is true. They are after your job.

Next you pretend that you just got fired, and that the employee has been promoted to your position.

Your employee will act sad momentarily, then immediately begin to move into your office.

Once employee has moved in and has had approximately 30 minutes of thinking they are the boss, then you reveal your position. Ask them to give you one good reason not to fire them right then and there.

They will beg at your feet for forgiveness. Employee will offer to do your laundry for a year as punishment.

When it appears that you are on the verge of firing your employee, insists that they "hug it out, bitch." Employee will quickly return to being your loyal right-hand man, but you will still be resentful, then it is time to force the employee to stand atop a box in the middle of the office, wearing a sign that says "LIAR".

This is the only answer

Anonymous wrote:OP, she owes you no particular loyalty, not to a degree she owes her loyalty to a higher boss (your boss) and the organization.

He accepted her request for a meeting. If it was going to be completely of her, her request should not have been granted.

Mostly you are being way too prickly about this -- and showing your vulnerability. If you're strong enough to be her boss, you're strong enough to weather this without blowing it out of proportion.

YUP.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Your employee will be gone in 6 months. She wants a promotion and you’ve made it clear she has to get it. Bet you wouldn’t be treating a man this way. Women are definitely judged when they ask for MORE and assert themselves.

+1.

I also don't understand why you see this as some sort of personal betrayal. She's advocating for herself. It has nothing to do with you.

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Your employee will be gone in 6 months. She wants a promotion and you’ve made it clear she has to get it. Bet you wouldn’t be treating a man this way. Women are definitely judged when they ask for MORE and assert themselves.

BOOM. This.

Anonymous wrote:She’s allowed to plead her case. If she didn’t meet with your boss directly, maybe she thinks she’s more persuasive than you are. Who cares?

Agreed. In this day and age, what does she have to lose?

To play devils advocate, what if the employee was literally just talking with the grand boss about career advancement opportunities? Maybe employee just wanted to get some confirmation/closure as to why they didn't get the promotion.

OP, can you explain how she went out of the way to hide it?

Who cares? Your employee will be gone in 6 months. She wants a promotion and you’ve made it clear she has to get it. Bet you wouldn’t be treating a man this way. Women are definitely judged when they ask for MORE and assert themselves.

Y’all don’t want to keep her, do you? Most promotions and raises these days are gotten by jumping ship.

Anonymous wrote:I’d like address this but need advice. Employee is seeking a raise and promotion. After discussing this my boss, we made a joint decision that it wasn’t able happen at the time the employee made the request, but we agreed to short time frame to reconsider (6 months). The employee is valued and we wanted to see how some of decision-making factors might look different. I communicated all of this to the employee about a month ago.

She made an appointment to talk with my boss about career advancement. She went out of her way to hide this from me.

My boss reiterated the exact same message that we had agreed to prior.

It’s not the request for a conversation that is the problem. It’s the fact that she purposefully hid it from me.

WWYD? I definitely feel that our relationship is impacted.

If it is a surprise to you that the employee hid the meeting from you, you need to have a conversation with her, in which you mostly listen, about why she did that. Be prepared to hear some things about your management style that you don't like or disagree with. Do not "punish" her by telling her your relationship is affected. Reflect on what she says.

I'm surprised by all of the answers on this thread. The manager did nothing wrong, the employee handled the situation badly.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything, but I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to push the employees case again any time soon.

The employee lost an ally in you.

+1