26 isn't young 20s. But 21 is awfully close to teen years. Having your first legal drink at your wedding is young to get married these days. And frankly, maturity is so delayed these days compared to the past; not for everyone, of course, but for huge swaths of our society, 20-25 year olds are grossly immature and not ready for parenthood.

I'm same generation as OP, and a dear friend got married at 23, and a Catholic priest introduced them as the "youngest new married couple in the U.S." So even 25 years ago that was considered young. And none of their friends got married for several years after that. They found themselves at bars with a baby carrier and then realized they just has to drop out for a while until everyone caught up, but for some of their friends, that wasn't for another 10 years!

This is why radio is nothing but fertility commercials here.

Anonymous wrote:My best friend of twenty years had her two girls back to back at 21 and 22.. (military husband). Unfortunately he came back from overseas as a basketcase. Had to leave him with two small kids at 26...

12 years later she is doing amazingly well. Girls are soon off to college (one in a year, the other in two), she’s 38 and looks amazing! Had enough energy to do the private school super mom activities without being socially threatening to any of the other tigermoms, and she’ll be a fairly young granny if her girls decide to get preggers mid twenties.

I say throw social conditioning out the window.

I agree! If parenthood is a main priority, get to it. Better than the years and tens of thousands of dollars we spent on fertility treatments.

My best friend of twenty years had her two girls back to back at 21 and 22.. (military husband). Unfortunately he came back from overseas as a basketcase. Had to leave him with two small kids at 26...

12 years later she is doing amazingly well. Girls are soon off to college (one in a year, the other in two), she’s 38 and looks amazing! Had enough energy to do the private school super mom activities without being socially threatening to any of the other tigermoms, and she’ll be a fairly young granny if her girls decide to get preggers mid twenties.

I say throw social conditioning out the window.

I never heard of this and I don’t agree
I had my kids at 27, 30, and 33.

I think 20s are important child bearing years. I graduated college at 21 and I did want to be out of college / married personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

I became a first-time mother in my forties and deeply regret that I didn't have a baby in my twenties. Several of my friends that did are empty nesters now or close to getting there and they will have that many more years with their children and grandkids.

Same same same.

Anonymous wrote:I saw this mentioned on another web site today (Refinery29 - for Millennials) and that a lot of people agree with it.

What do you think?


I'm from an older generation (Gen X) and this type of thinking honestly surprises me. Generally people tell teens not to get pregnant because they're not independent yet and can't afford to have a baby. That's the main issue. But people who have graduated from college might have good enough jobs to be able to afford one.

Fwiw, I had my first child at 26 and I feel that these Millenials would be judging the heck out of me! But we were making over 200k at the time, we could easily afford a baby. Shrug.

You were making 200k, many years ago at the age of 26. Great humble brag.

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

I became a first-time mother in my forties and deeply regret that I didn't have a baby in my twenties. Several of my friends that did are empty nesters now or close to getting there and they will have that many more years with their children and grandkids.

I agree that there is a huge difference between early 20s and late 20s. A lot changes fast in those years - faster for some than others. I married at 26 and had a kid at 29, and I'm close to statistically average, so clearly it can't be that shunned.

People just have different ideas abojt what order things should happen, too. My husband and I are smack in our mid-30s and TTC again, and we're getting cold feet about buying a house even now. I know people who did it right after college and i can't imagine being willing to be tied down in that way, but plenty of my friends with houses couldn't imagine having multiple kids as renters like we do!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

Do you know why they feel this way? I had my first at 26, here in DC, and I am really happy both with my family and career. I know others who feel this way too.

Many regrets like,

Married too young to pick the right guy.
Didn't get to have career and independence.
Didn't finish their education
Had more kids than they could afford.
Financial stress
Made immature parenting choices, kids have problems caused by parenting.
Some of their teenagers got pregnant young and are living with them.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is about to graduate from college and she was talking about some of the girls on her campus who are already engaged. In some ways, she described it as a cop-out. Getting married and having kids is easier than having to go through all that shit: THe crappy room in the row house on capitol hill, the crappy first apartment; the first job; the job hunt. The ones who are getting married seem to be preoccupied with home furnishings and pinterest pages while everyone else is thinking about things like resumes and budgets.

I lived in a crappy apartment with my fiance during and after college. Did I do it right according to your daughter?

Anonymous wrote:I am older than most on here, 58. I had my first at 20 and 2nd at 24 and I'm still married to their father 38 years later. There are a lot of advantages to having kids young. I finished my undergrad and then was a stay at home mom until my youngest was 4. It took me some time to find a job due to being out of the workforce for so long and we didn't have much money. But we were young, energetic and managed. Kids that age don't need a lot. I'm glad I had my kids young, I thought I would be a young grandmother but unfortunately, my kids are not cooperating.

You're still young! Don't give up hope...couple of years you'll still be running circles around them. I had my one and only at 38! He will be 16 on Sunday! I still run circles around him. He's the coolest uncle lol ... I have 5 grandkids from my step kids! I'm the grandma in the bouncy castle and crushing them at paintball. I make the boys cry when they lose. And, I will do it again!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been a bad life choice for decades. I know plenty of women who had kids in their 20's that had deep regrets in their 40's and 50's. No news here.

How can it be a bad life choice to have children when you're biologically at your peak AND you make enough money to easily support them?>

OP said she was making 200k at 26, which is a great income for mid twenty somethings. One can only assume their income rose from there...

It's not just about lack of money. Your 20's are the time you should be having freedom and [b]fun, start a career and find who you are...and mostly growing up into a real adult. [/b]It's hard to do any of these things with a baby.

This makes it very clear that you associate career with identity. Which is fine. My career is very much tied to mine. But there's no mandate that everyone be like that. Lots of people have kids in their 20s, and still manage to live full, rich, successful lives by a variety of measures. And I would also argue you can do much of that with a baby..just not much of it past 11pm, which...why does one *need* that?

Not to mention that kids can be really fun! I don't miss late nights and bar hopping at all

I am older than most on here, 58. I had my first at 20 and 2nd at 24 and I'm still married to their father 38 years later. There are a lot of advantages to having kids young. I finished my undergrad and then was a stay at home mom until my youngest was 4. It took me some time to find a job due to being out of the workforce for so long and we didn't have much money. But we were young, energetic and managed. Kids that age don't need a lot. I'm glad I had my kids young, I thought I would be a young grandmother but unfortunately, my kids are not cooperating.

Anonymous wrote:Many pps said that they had kids between 25-28. That's mid-late 20s. Enough time to have graduated college and worked for a couple years before having a child.

Early 20s is 20-23. That usually means someone who hasn't graduated college yet or 1 year out of college. There is a big difference between 22 vs 27 in terms of financial stability and security.

THIS. I had student loans and a 35k job at 22/23. I was making 90k, debt free by 27 and 150k by 30. Your 20s is a time where everything career wise can and should be shifting really quickly. It would have been absolutely crazy for me to have had a kid at 22, but fine in upper 20s. Of course if I had a kid at 22 making 35k I wouldn't have been at 150k by 30, more like 75.