Glad you relented but I must say it is really freaking weird to each use half your vacation time away from your family. That is absurd. buddy trip should be weekend trip, vacation should be with your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for OP. Your ILs are local and you probably see them a lot, and you're vacationing with them already, and now you have to give up a weekend getaway b/c of MIL's meltdown (devastated?!)

+1,000

The ILs get a vacation with OP’s family *and* they are local. The fact the MIL says this event is to consolidate summer birthdays, anniversaries, etc...how much is everyone expected to show up for celebrations normally? It’s both time and ok to draw a line.

But not if her DH doesn't want to. It's just not worth it. I feel for OP, I'd be annoyed too. But I'd suck it up, because that will be better for everyone overall. Make it clear this is you giving in and cash in those chips next time.

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for OP. Your ILs are local and you probably see them a lot, and you're vacationing with them already, and now you have to give up a weekend getaway b/c of MIL's meltdown (devastated?!)

+1,000

The ILs get a vacation with OP’s family *and* they are local. The fact the MIL says this event is to consolidate summer birthdays, anniversaries, etc...how much is everyone expected to show up for celebrations normally? It’s both time and ok to draw a line.

I’m not sure why everyone is getting on LW for being scheduled – if DH works every other weekend, there really aren’t that many free weekends available and you have to schedule in order to fit quality family time in. My husband also works a lot of weekends, and our very limited blocks of free time together are very precious to me. I’d also be annoyed to give up a pre-scheduled fun family weekend when I was already spending half my vacation time with the inlaws anyways.

If everyone’s local and it’s only going to be a couple of hours, why can’t MIL schedule the event for an evening? Even if DH is working all weekend, he’s probably free Saturday or Sunday evening (or some other block of time) and they could do a large family get-together then. Of course, the reason that MIL didn’t do that is that she wants the high quality time, rather than the ‘dregs’ at the end of a work day…..and of course OP wants to reserve the same very limited high quality time for her family. It’s hard to substitute for a solid block of time to just focus on your immediate family.

Obviously something has to give. Maybe it’s football. Maybe it’s DH’s trip with his buddies. Maybe MIL (she should have asked before she scheduled…but of course, she didn’t because she didn’t want to hear the answer. Maybe she could take one of the August football weekends instead for her event?) Maybe DH needs to look for another job. Maybe MIL watches the kids during one of the August football weekends (and commits to getting them to games/practices/ect) so that OP and DH can do a weekend together. I’m not at all sure that OP’s family’s core time together is the first thing that should go.

I think if you have scheduled and paid for the weekend trip, let MIL know. If you haven't, and you are just "holding" the weekend, you guys should go - especially if you aren't going to make any of the other events and/or related celebrations.

MIL is perhaps not realizing what summer is like with school getting out so late and sports starting so early. Add to that DH works on weekends. You basically have 1 weekend in June, weekends of July, nothing in August.
Coaches very not nice to athletes who miss in August.
MIL needs to understand the schedule. And reschedule.

His mother, his obligation to cancel with buddies or with mom

OP your MIL will get over it or not. If you cancel your trip, you will forever acquiesce to her. I did it for years with my MIL and it was never enough. She'll surely have another something to be disappointed over.

And why should you and DH give up your solo getaways? No

Anonymous wrote:I would let DH make the call:

He can reschedule his solo trip so you guys can still have your famiky trip or he can tell MIL you guys already have plans.

Come on. They’re all local. Everyone sees each other all the time. AND they’re going on vacation together. Seriously, when is it enough? No, you don’t have to give up your nuclear family trip just to make your ILs happy.

It's a weekend away. No one is saying give it up, we're saying shuffle things around.

I gotta be honest if I was your DH this entire summer would sound freaking miserable to me. Every single weekend traveling or working ugh.

I would let DH make the call:

He can reschedule his solo trip so you guys can still have your famiky trip or he can tell MIL you guys already have plans.

Come on. They’re all local. Everyone sees each other all the time. AND they’re going on vacation together. Seriously, when is it enough? No, you don’t have to give up your nuclear family trip just to make your ILs happy.

You are right, he is wrong. But if you like being married sometimes that doesn’t matter.

It’s ok to sometimes say “sorry we have plans”.

Anonymous wrote:
At some point in life, trips with buddies or girlfriends are not in order. Period.

Oh wow. Your poor family having to deal with you all day every day because you're not allowed to have a social life anymore, apparently. I would say your poor friends as well, but it's pretty clear you don't have any with this attitude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband HAS TO go away with his buddies? Your kid can’t miss one football game, taking up a month of summer? But you would miss a big family event? Yeah not on your side here.

I said in my OP that he should give up his trip! I believe he should sacrifice before DS, absolutely. The kids would be at camp that week, but we could always pull them early or just have a weekend as a couple.

WHy on earth should an adult have to sacrifice his vacation so that a kid doesn’t miss one single sporting event? Lady, you have your priorities all messed up.

+1 Way to show your kid that the entire world doesn't revolve around him (which it doesn't).

It would be easier to forgo the nuclear-family weekend if their one vacation week was not with the ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good news is that you aren’t expected to attend a bunch of different graduations and birthdays and so forth all summer, thanks to the consolidation.

Is it possible to plan a rafting trip in WV or something fun like that on Sunday so you still get a special weekend?

And a question: what would have happened if the weekend MIL picked a weekend your DH will be working?

This.

I agree. Do something fun on the rest of the weekend. Or just enjoy a weekend at home with your husband and kids, which it sounds like you won't have any other weekend that summer, since every other weekend someone is traveling or he's working.