It is fine not to have a party. I think it is weird to hand out goodie bags at school.

The pizza thing was a joke from a few other threads. I like to live dangerously on the boards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg i has no idea how offensive this would be to some.
And I thought I was pretty good at figuring out all sorts of microaggressions!

It is pretty impressive how people reacted. I think the OP was coming from a good place and handled it all with grace. I don’t think it was anything then trying to do something nice for kids on her kids birthday. Some times we over reach.

Maybe she should bring pizza for lunch (ducks and runs)

I like the idea but not sure if parents won’t hate me for keeping their kids from their health organic homemade lunches haha
- OP

03/06/2019 12:46 here
I agree that OP is coming from a good place. I wouldn't classify her idea as a microaggression. I just think it's a truly awful idea that will have unintended negative consequences.

Don't do pizza for lunch. It will complicate things and be more of a distraction than the customary treat.

As a parent I wouldn't object to my kids having pizza for lunch instead of a "health organic homemade lunches haha", but I would think it wasteful to buy and pack a lunch for my child which went uneaten and had to be dumped after a full day at school. I would be upset that one parent took it upon herself to change the lunch plans for the class without any notice.

Also, speaking as a mother who's child had food restrictions, I know that I provided the teacher with a "treat" to keep on hand for times when she couldn't eat the common treat. Parents won't have a backup plan to provide a special lunch, which may mean that one kid gets left out of the celebration, but hey! lucky them! They get to eat their "health organic homemade lunches haha" while everyone else has a pizza party.

Why are you so set on surpassing the customary practices? It complicates things for the teacher and increases class disruption. It raises expectations which will lead to resentment from the other parents. The more complicated things become, the more likely it is to somehow have an unanticipated negative consequence on a child.

Don't do goody bags.
Don't take over lunch.

Before it comes up:
Don't decorate the classroom.
Don't provide entertainment/games.

Your child has opted not to have a traditional party this year. Accept it and move on. Don't try to create a substitute party at school. If you really must throw a party, then throw one outside of school. It doesn't have to be a birthday party. You could celebrate:
St. Patrick's Day
Pi Day (3/14)
April Fools
May Day
Star Wars Day (5/4)
Memorial Day Weekend
End of School
or a just because you want to socialize with no particular reason party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP my son is like yours - we're also doing a getaway and a playdate with one friend in lieu of a party - and I discourage you from bringing goody bags. My son partly doesn't want a party because he doesn't want to be in the center of a giant showy production: the bags would basically replace the party and that is NOT his preference. This kills me because I'm a maker and I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF but I'm an adult, and I've gotta do it for me and not for him...his birthday, his wishes.

Maybe calculate what you'd have spend on goody bags and help him invest it in the stock market and let him track it...if you really want to spend more $$$ to make it even.

Interesting, maybe that is why my son doesn’t want a party! He never had one at a venue. Always chose park/home.
I didn’t give him the getaway option before though... I needed the party to socialize with parents. But I am now in a different place in life and happy to avoid that.

Mine has definitely had parties before, but not always. I think he has figured out that he actually gets to do fun stuff a lot, and a party is kind of a chaotic environment that is maybe not as fun (for him) so he'd rather cash in in other ways.