Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 14:07     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
I picture this set of books as sort of an Instant Hoarder's kit. "Would you like to turn your neat, clutter-free house into a claustrophobic pit of squalor? Have we got the inheritance for you!"
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 14:07     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
I collect certain 70 year old books by certain authors simply because I like reading them, would never think to give them to my children. They wouldn't be interested. But the thing is, at that age many of the books I've seen are badly mildewed. They wouldn't be fit to bring into a home. If your in-laws are not storing the books properly, they may be only fit for the dumpster.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:58     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look OP, you either hurt your inlaws feelings a bit by being upfront before they die. OR you lie to them and get rid of the collection after they die. That's pretty much your choices.

The 3rd choice, accepting, maintaining, and GROWING, an insane collection of books that no one even uses or looks at is completely out of the question.

I'd start letting your DH know your feelings now. I can't believe you'd even consider buying a huge house just to have a home for books you don't even want.


Thank you for your reply, i am OP, I agree with you, it's silly to think that I could build a big house to display the books. I am just a bit scared to bring up this topic to DH or my in-laws. I think they take great pride in their family tradition, and their library is a symbol of knowledge.

I guess I can start talking to my husband about it, then seek an opportunity to discuss it with his parents. I just hate to be the "bad guy" who is bringing this up, as if I am ruining their family tradition. UGH, maybe I'm overthinking this.

And also, they have a lot of "stuff" beside books. How to keep those "stuff" is another topic.


At some point the "family tradition" becomes untenable -- unless the book collection comes with its own mansion. If they are not completely nuts they will understand this.

we can't promise we'll keep the library them throw the books away once they are passed away. We would feel so guilty then!


Eh, you'll get over it. Or you'll turn into a hoarder and eventually your emaciated body will be found buried under a pile of books that fell on you.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:58     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look OP, you either hurt your inlaws feelings a bit by being upfront before they die. OR you lie to them and get rid of the collection after they die. That's pretty much your choices.

The 3rd choice, accepting, maintaining, and GROWING, an insane collection of books that no one even uses or looks at is completely out of the question.

I'd start letting your DH know your feelings now. I can't believe you'd even consider buying a huge house just to have a home for books you don't even want.


Thank you for your reply, i am OP, I agree with you, it's silly to think that I could build a big house to display the books. I am just a bit scared to bring up this topic to DH or my in-laws. I think they take great pride in their family tradition, and their library is a symbol of knowledge.

I guess I can start talking to my husband about it, then seek an opportunity to discuss it with his parents. I just hate to be the "bad guy" who is bringing this up, as if I am ruining their family tradition. UGH, maybe I'm overthinking this.

And also, they have a lot of "stuff" beside books. How to keep those "stuff" is another topic.


You DO NOT talk to the inlaws. You talk to your DH. He does all the talking to his parents about this. So for now, all you need to do is get your DH's thoughts on what he's going to do with these books. Then you slowly start poking holes in his dream world about how these books are not a gift but instead are a burden.


OP here, I see your point. In my case though, I have great relationship with my in-laws. I am worried that my DH will be pressured to take all the books, he is a good son after all, and his family had some great proud history, so that adds another layer of pressure. But if I could be involved in talking to my in-laws about those books, they maybe willing to deal with them themselves, and realize DH and I just have no space to accommodate. And it is so silly to line our walls with that many books that NOBODY reads. Books are meant to be read.


NP here and this whole discussion is pointless if you and your DH aren't on the same page about keeping the books regardless of the reason he thinks he has to keep them.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:56     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:My husband has thousands and thousands of books. He is a huge reader but will read them once. We have several houses so it doesn’t appear as ridiculous as it is. He continues to get more bookcases. Some are valuable but I am not looking through thousands of books to determine which ones. If I am the last spouse remaining, they will be donated. I have emptied houses out from deceased family members before and books are awful- heavy, hard to move to the donation facility, etc.


When I had that exact problem, I called the university library and the used book dealer to come and take them away. Easy peasy!
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:54     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Once they’re dead they won’t know what happened to their stuff.

Does anyone actually read these books?


OP here,

But we can't promise we'll keep the library them throw the books away once they are passed away. We would feel so guilty then!

Yes, they are meant to be read, but I know I wouldn't read them. I think DH's dad has read all those books.


Yes you can. I personally, would just tell them now "We are really flattered and would love to continue this tradition, but it's simply not feasible. We would be happy to donate them to the school/library of your choosing, or pick one ourselves. Which would you prefer?"
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:51     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:Tell them you have had all the books scanned onto a flash drive. Then you can burn the actual books.


Thanks, Herr Goebbels...
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:47     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:In your shoes, I might see if there's a wall in some room that I could build shelves on and turn into a "library wall", and just put whatever fits on there and donate the rest. 30k books is insane though.

Are you intended to get these when they pass away? I wouldn't borrow trouble if that's the case. Deal with it when the time comes. No sense kicking up a fuss now.


That's what I have been doing, kicking the can down the street you know, hehe. Deal it when the day comes.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 13:45     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look OP, you either hurt your inlaws feelings a bit by being upfront before they die. OR you lie to them and get rid of the collection after they die. That's pretty much your choices.

The 3rd choice, accepting, maintaining, and GROWING, an insane collection of books that no one even uses or looks at is completely out of the question.

I'd start letting your DH know your feelings now. I can't believe you'd even consider buying a huge house just to have a home for books you don't even want.


Thank you for your reply, i am OP, I agree with you, it's silly to think that I could build a big house to display the books. I am just a bit scared to bring up this topic to DH or my in-laws. I think they take great pride in their family tradition, and their library is a symbol of knowledge.

I guess I can start talking to my husband about it, then seek an opportunity to discuss it with his parents. I just hate to be the "bad guy" who is bringing this up, as if I am ruining their family tradition. UGH, maybe I'm overthinking this.

And also, they have a lot of "stuff" beside books. How to keep those "stuff" is another topic.


You DO NOT talk to the inlaws. You talk to your DH. He does all the talking to his parents about this. So for now, all you need to do is get your DH's thoughts on what he's going to do with these books. Then you slowly start poking holes in his dream world about how these books are not a gift but instead are a burden.


OP here, I see your point. In my case though, I have great relationship with my in-laws. I am worried that my DH will be pressured to take all the books, he is a good son after all, and his family had some great proud history, so that adds another layer of pressure. But if I could be involved in talking to my in-laws about those books, they maybe willing to deal with them themselves, and realize DH and I just have no space to accommodate. And it is so silly to line our walls with that many books that NOBODY reads. Books are meant to be read.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 12:58     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
In your shoes, I might see if there's a wall in some room that I could build shelves on and turn into a "library wall", and just put whatever fits on there and donate the rest. 30k books is insane though.

Are you intended to get these when they pass away? I wouldn't borrow trouble if that's the case. Deal with it when the time comes. No sense kicking up a fuss now.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 12:54     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Look OP, you either hurt your inlaws feelings a bit by being upfront before they die. OR you lie to them and get rid of the collection after they die. That's pretty much your choices.

The 3rd choice, accepting, maintaining, and GROWING, an insane collection of books that no one even uses or looks at is completely out of the question.

I'd start letting your DH know your feelings now. I can't believe you'd even consider buying a huge house just to have a home for books you don't even want.


Thank you for your reply, i am OP, I agree with you, it's silly to think that I could build a big house to display the books. I am just a bit scared to bring up this topic to DH or my in-laws. I think they take great pride in their family tradition, and their library is a symbol of knowledge.

I guess I can start talking to my husband about it, then seek an opportunity to discuss it with his parents. I just hate to be the "bad guy" who is bringing this up, as if I am ruining their family tradition. UGH, maybe I'm overthinking this.

And also, they have a lot of "stuff" beside books. How to keep those "stuff" is another topic.


You DO NOT talk to the inlaws. You talk to your DH. He does all the talking to his parents about this. So for now, all you need to do is get your DH's thoughts on what he's going to do with these books. Then you slowly start poking holes in his dream world about how these books are not a gift but instead are a burden.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 12:50     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
I inherited a couple of old books. A copy of Alice in Wonderland, printed in about 1930. And a sequel to the Wizard of Oz, printed in 1902. I have looked them up and they are worth about $10 each. Big Whoop.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 12:38     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:My husband has thousands and thousands of books. He is a huge reader but will read them once. We have several houses so it doesn’t appear as ridiculous as it is. He continues to get more bookcases. Some are valuable but I am not looking through thousands of books to determine which ones. If I am the last spouse remaining, they will be donated. I have emptied houses out from deceased family members before and books are awful- heavy, hard to move to the donation facility, etc.


I know! and old books smell bad.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 12:27     Subject: Re:What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
My husband has thousands and thousands of books. He is a huge reader but will read them once. We have several houses so it doesn’t appear as ridiculous as it is. He continues to get more bookcases. Some are valuable but I am not looking through thousands of books to determine which ones. If I am the last spouse remaining, they will be donated. I have emptied houses out from deceased family members before and books are awful- heavy, hard to move to the donation facility, etc.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 11:46     Subject: What to do with all the "stuff" you inherited?
Anonymous wrote:Sell them. No one has a right to tell you to take their crap


Who would want them?