Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:11     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really was uncomfortable when my DD had a playdate in middle school and I found out that the single mom's boyfriend was at home during the playdate. I don't mind single moms. I do mind boyfriends.


And this is different than a day or stepdad how??? Does signing a piece of paper magically make someone less likely to sexually assault someone? Do you just not like unrelated men around your child? How about male teachers??

Do you host kids at your home when your husband is around? Are you comfortable with your child at the home of married couples when the dad is home?
I’m another single mom who doesn’t have a boyfriend. But I would like to hear why husbands are ok, but boyfriends aren’t.


because 99% of the time (more when the lady is already a mom) they are just there for meals and sex and will be gone soon. That doesn't lend its self to accountability.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 16:01     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really was uncomfortable when my DD had a playdate in middle school and I found out that the single mom's boyfriend was at home during the playdate. I don't mind single moms. I do mind boyfriends.


And this is different than a day or stepdad how??? Does signing a piece of paper magically make someone less likely to sexually assault someone? Do you just not like unrelated men around your child? How about male teachers??

Do you host kids at your home when your husband is around? Are you comfortable with your child at the home of married couples when the dad is home?
I’m another single mom who doesn’t have a boyfriend. But I would like to hear why husbands are ok, but boyfriends aren’t.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 15:49     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I really was uncomfortable when my DD had a playdate in middle school and I found out that the single mom's boyfriend was at home during the playdate. I don't mind single moms. I do mind boyfriends.


And this is different than a day or stepdad how??? Does signing a piece of paper magically make someone less likely to sexually assault someone? Do you just not like unrelated men around your child? How about male teachers??


I'm the single mom upthread. I don't have a boyfriend, and I certainly wouldn't host a playdate if it meant the children would be home alone with my (fictional) boyfriend. Heck, I wouldn't have hosted a playdate if only my husband were home, unless we knew the family very very well and the other family knew I would not be there.

With that said, was the mom home? So the objection is to the presence of a boyfriend even if the mom is there? There are loads of reasons why a divorced mum wouldn't remarry but rather remain in a committed relationship that isn't legally binding.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 15:44     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:Because unfortunately in some people's minds, the following is true:

Apartment (or renting or townhouse) = poor = parents who don't value education = people who make their kid's school worse

Of course this is completely untrue, but it's the sad reality that this stereotype exists.


Why do you think people believe this? What would be their reasons for believing this stereotype? Other than they are bigots.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 15:44     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:I really was uncomfortable when my DD had a playdate in middle school and I found out that the single mom's boyfriend was at home during the playdate. I don't mind single moms. I do mind boyfriends.


And this is different than a day or stepdad how??? Does signing a piece of paper magically make someone less likely to sexually assault someone? Do you just not like unrelated men around your child? How about male teachers??
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 15:41     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
I really was uncomfortable when my DD had a playdate in middle school and I found out that the single mom's boyfriend was at home during the playdate. I don't mind single moms. I do mind boyfriends.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 12:31     Subject: Re:S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I seriously wish this country had never started this test score obsession, back with No Child Left Behind. It is morally appalling that people are making or losing money based on the test scores of the kids in the local school. “Have a good day today, honey, and try hard on that test because I stand to earn a 10% increase in my property values if you do.” Or, even more appallingly, “Oh no, some Hispanic neighbors moved in. Their kids won’t score high enough on the tests and I’m going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out.”


Dh and I kind of joke that the best thing we could do for property values would be to hold signs and pass out breakfast before exam day at our elementary school. We joke that the signs would say "You got this! My house value is counting on you!"


I don't think it's funny though. Imagine looking at a child who's struggling to learn to read or a child who is just learning English and saying to yourself, "you're taking money out of my pocket."


I think the grading should be changed. If you can't speak english, your scores shouldn't count! Maybe there should be Pre-K for ESOL kids to help catch them up.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 12:15     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Smart people, apartment dwellers. Got ahead of the 10k deductible limit on state and local taxes.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 09:23     Subject: Re:S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I seriously wish this country had never started this test score obsession, back with No Child Left Behind. It is morally appalling that people are making or losing money based on the test scores of the kids in the local school. “Have a good day today, honey, and try hard on that test because I stand to earn a 10% increase in my property values if you do.” Or, even more appallingly, “Oh no, some Hispanic neighbors moved in. Their kids won’t score high enough on the tests and I’m going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out.”


Dh and I kind of joke that the best thing we could do for property values would be to hold signs and pass out breakfast before exam day at our elementary school. We joke that the signs would say "You got this! My house value is counting on you!"


I don't think it's funny though. Imagine looking at a child who's struggling to learn to read or a child who is just learning English and saying to yourself, "you're taking money out of my pocket."
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 09:19     Subject: Re:S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:I seriously wish this country had never started this test score obsession, back with No Child Left Behind. It is morally appalling that people are making or losing money based on the test scores of the kids in the local school. “Have a good day today, honey, and try hard on that test because I stand to earn a 10% increase in my property values if you do.” Or, even more appallingly, “Oh no, some Hispanic neighbors moved in. Their kids won’t score high enough on the tests and I’m going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out.”


Dh and I kind of joke that the best thing we could do for property values would be to hold signs and pass out breakfast before exam day at our elementary school. We joke that the signs would say "You got this! My house value is counting on you!"
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 09:17     Subject: Re:S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:I seriously wish this country had never started this test score obsession, back with No Child Left Behind. It is morally appalling that people are making or losing money based on the test scores of the kids in the local school. “Have a good day today, honey, and try hard on that test because I stand to earn a 10% increase in my property values if you do.” Or, even more appallingly, “Oh no, some Hispanic neighbors moved in. Their kids won’t score high enough on the tests and I’m going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out.”


People did that before test scores, too. Just more directly. "Oh no, some [THOSE people] neighbors moved in, I'm going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out."
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2019 09:14     Subject: Re:S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
I seriously wish this country had never started this test score obsession, back with No Child Left Behind. It is morally appalling that people are making or losing money based on the test scores of the kids in the local school. “Have a good day today, honey, and try hard on that test because I stand to earn a 10% increase in my property values if you do.” Or, even more appallingly, “Oh no, some Hispanic neighbors moved in. Their kids won’t score high enough on the tests and I’m going to lose 10% of my property values. Time to move out.”
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 19:04     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Generally areas with lots of apartments have more low income families or more families likely to move. This does have an effect on schools and test scores.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 18:56     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes "apartment people" is a dog whistle for lower SES minority residents (I'm a "brown" minority, and wish people would be more upfront with their prejudices).


It took this far in to finally even suggest racism. This is a big part of
It
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2019 18:43     Subject: S/o why are families that live in apartments looked down on?
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I feel the same way when folks go on about "stable, two parent families."

The circumstances under which I became a single parent are stupid and chiched, but had nothing to do with bad decisions, or lack of education, or getting married too young. It wasn't even due to choosing the wrong partner, except insofar as people change.

I really wish I could have given my kids the stable two parent family that everyone talks about, but the fact that circumstances beyond my control made that impossible? It doesn't make my kids any less amazing, or worse friends and classmates.


People can be rude and insensitive and judgmental, but people can also be speaking in generalities that don’t apply to any one person/family. I think it is different for a kid to grow up in a place where single parents are the norm, than where two parent families are the norm, just like it is different for a kid to grow up where intergenerational families sharing a home is the norm. But preferring one norm over another doesn’t necessarily require thinking those that don’t fit the norm are lesser or a bad influence or cause any harm to anyone.