Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think preschool is very important for K readiness. But I think you should be able to find a part time program for relatively cheap. If not a full time program, look at community classes that are like "preschool prep" and they are a drop off program for 2 hours.

I disagree that "library hour" is the same thing - not at all. You want your child to be in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to interacting with other kids and listening to other adults.

I think she will lag behind her peers if you don't send her to something!

To OP's earlier point, I think, there's no real denial that her daughter will be a bit behind at first, but the question is sort of "does that matter" and "behind for how long". Two questions I respect in this age of so many parents thinking their kid has to be at the top of everything. Sure, her DD may struggle a bit more with the adjustment to K than most of her peers, but is that alone reason for the family to stretch beyond their financial comfort zone. I don't think that lag is insurmountable, or even more of a couple of weeks transition -- akin to what many kids experience for the first time with preschool. Alone, the desire to prevent that short lag shouldn't compel a family to stretch beyond their comfort zone, in my opinion.

Thank you yes! I feel like I'm not as bad a person as people are making me out to be... this is exactly what I'm trying to get at!

Glad this resonated. And, selfishly, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person out there who feels this way about so many things related to child-rearing and family priorities. There's so much pressure to do things a certain way. Hell, I'm getting pushback from people who feel my daughter should be in a "preschool program"+aftercare rather than daycare. I'm also getting pushback from people who think my apartment is too small for our family. Our family is happy and feels balanced and loving and supportive. Kids are resilient and you're not screwing them up in any meaningful way by making certain decisions that might make their lives a little harder in some ways, but for reasons that keep the overall family priorities in harmony. And financially bending to accommodate a 3rd kid is a completely different calculus than financially bending (albeit much less significantly) to send your kids to preschool in addition to a nanny...

Yes! It feels like depriving her of the head start she needs to get into harvard or something! But I also feel like I don't really want to raise her to be worried about the next step all the time. I hear pps talking about being prepared for kindergarten. But another part of me hears, 'take a year away from her of the total free exploration of young childhood.' And I know that is an oversimplification and naive, but on the scale of getting her ready for academics and letting her roll around in the mud for as long as she can I'm more on the mud side. Academics are important for sure, but that's going to be the next 20 years of her life, non stop.

I think also some PPs would be appalled at the things I'm hesitating to cut back on to make this happen. My DH and I have a twice monthly date night for example and that probably most months basically equals this cost. But that is valuable to the family! Keeps us connected, marriage healthy and happy. Or the biweekly cleaner that costs a little more but saves a tremendous amount of mental energy.

Anyway yes there is room, it could be made to happen, but I'm not sure I want to give up those things to make it happen. It seems almost radical these days to say that kids needs, especially optional ones, shouldn't come at the forefront of the family prioritization list! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling with it.

I agree I think I downplayed #3 a little bit but that is like, a decision to shape the family we want to have. It is a family goal. And DD fits into the family goal. But is a part of the family. I don't know it's all so hard to articulate in a way that doesn't downplay how much I love DD and want her to thrive and be the best she can be.

Anonymous wrote:I am biased because my kids are in full day care and have been since infancy. First off - people who work full time and have full day care don’t do 3 hours 2x a week of preschool. I honestly don’t know what function those preschools serve other than a glorified play date and a break for mom. My son is in care from 8:30-5 and a good portion of his day is a preschool curriculum. The other part is a balance of play and enrichment - it is very similar to how his day will be next year in kindergarten with before/after care. He sits quietly for circle time, raises his hand to speak, puts his own boots and coat on for recess, walks in a line with his class to eat lunch in a cafeteria. The main difference next year will be more time sitting in a desk and less autonomy in choosing his activities. I hear people say how exhausted their kids are the first month of kindergarten and I assume a big part of it is that they are not used to being away from home all day.

That said, there are kids who show up on day 1 of kindergarten and have never been in preschool or anywhere except home with grandma or mom. Those kids probably have a tough adjustment, but the teachers meet them where they are and help them catch up.

Because like you just said, the daycares provide a preschool curriculum. Why are you putting down traditional preschools?

OP, most of us think that having at least one year of preschool before starting K is good for the kid for various reasons. It would be tough for her without it, but many immigrant kids did it, and they all come out OK.

Anonymous wrote:Can you get an au pair (much cheaper than a nanny) and send your oldest to preschool? I have found my DS's preschool experience to be invaluable, and he's learning so much more about problem solving, sharing, communicating, respecting others, than I could EVER teach him at home.

Unfortunately we don't have the space for an au pair.

Can you get an au pair (much cheaper than a nanny) and send your oldest to preschool? I have found my DS's preschool experience to be invaluable, and he's learning so much more about problem solving, sharing, communicating, respecting others, than I could EVER teach him at home.

I am biased because my kids are in full day care and have been since infancy. First off - people who work full time and have full day care don’t do 3 hours 2x a week of preschool. I honestly don’t know what function those preschools serve other than a glorified play date and a break for mom. My son is in care from 8:30-5 and a good portion of his day is a preschool curriculum. The other part is a balance of play and enrichment - it is very similar to how his day will be next year in kindergarten with before/after care. He sits quietly for circle time, raises his hand to speak, puts his own boots and coat on for recess, walks in a line with his class to eat lunch in a cafeteria. The main difference next year will be more time sitting in a desk and less autonomy in choosing his activities. I hear people say how exhausted their kids are the first month of kindergarten and I assume a big part of it is that they are not used to being away from home all day.

That said, there are kids who show up on day 1 of kindergarten and have never been in preschool or anywhere except home with grandma or mom. Those kids probably have a tough adjustment, but the teachers meet them where they are and help them catch up.

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what your child is like away from you/nanny/siblings in a classroom setting. This information is *extremely valuable*. You might find that your child is very timid and shy. Or has trouble making friends. Or can’t regulate emotions on her own. Or needs OT. In the preschool setting, you are provided with a lot of feedback and tools to help with this. Once you get to K, esp in a big public school, children are expected to know how to navigate peer relationships, wait their turns, advocate for themselves, etc. There is much less hand-holding. I absolutely would not skip preschool. Esp if you have $40k to spend on childcare annually. Think about your children’s needs not what’s most convenient for your work schedule.

I said earlier she was in daycare from 6 months to 1.5. She was very very social and took to it like a fish to water. Her teachers cried on her last day. I'm not saying she's the perfect kid or anything, but anytime she's been in a situation like that she's flourished. They have been much fewer and far between recently though.

She was put in an emergency daycare last spring for a week because of a complicated situation and had a VERY hard time with that but I think a multitude of factors contributed to that (was only for four days, had never been there before, we were staying with relatives in an unfamiliar house, VERY chaotic week where we were commuting for almost 2 hours a day so sudden dramatic shift without a long enough period for her to fully adjust).

Find an inexpensive 2-3 morning a week church preschool in your neighborhood to send your oldest to. It shouldn’t add much to your child care budget, your daughter will probably love it and have a great time, and the nanny will have more one on one time with your younger one and the baby as well. Yes, you and/or your nanny could teach the kids their letters and numbers, how to write their name, how to properly hold a pencil, all that good stuff that they also work on in preschool, but preschool or a daycare environment is important for learning about school itself (the routines, sitting for story time, sharing with other kids her own age, being somewhat responsible for her own belongings, the “classroom jobs,”) before she goes off to K.

You have no idea what your child is like away from you/nanny/siblings in a classroom setting. This information is *extremely valuable*. You might find that your child is very timid and shy. Or has trouble making friends. Or can’t regulate emotions on her own. Or needs OT. In the preschool setting, you are provided with a lot of feedback and tools to help with this. Once you get to K, esp in a big public school, children are expected to know how to navigate peer relationships, wait their turns, advocate for themselves, etc. There is much less hand-holding. I absolutely would not skip preschool. Esp if you have $40k to spend on childcare annually. Think about your children’s needs not what’s most convenient for your work schedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.

Thank you. I think she does do most of these things and is generally a calm and well behaved kid who is very naturally social and engaging with other kids and adults. I do feel like we could definitely do at least one half day a week for 37 and I think that might be what we shoot for, splitting the baby so to speak.

Two more issues to consider:

1.) I wouldn't put a 4-year-old in preschool one day a week. At that age, most kids are doing three or five days. Having one kid in and out one day a week will probably be disruptive to her and to her classmates. One of my kids struggled with a 2-day preschool schedule … it was better to go more days because then their routine was more set.

2.) One more benefit of preschool is that the environment much more closely approximates the school day. My kids were SO tired during kindergarten. Every day felt long and overstimulating. The kids who had "more" preschool, like five days or full-time, seemed better adjusted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.

Thank you. I think she does do most of these things and is generally a calm and well behaved kid who is very naturally social and engaging with other kids and adults. I do feel like we could definitely do at least one half day a week for 37 and I think that might be what we shoot for, splitting the baby so to speak.

Pp teacher here—If that’s her personality then yes, she will be fine. Most preschools won’t do one day a week because the teachers plan for lessons to build upon each other. And one day a week is too much time between classes for most kids to benefit from routine. If you can’t do 3-5 half days a week, then encourage your nanny instead to take her to a variety of places where she’ll interact with different kids. Library, county art class, gymnastics open gym, etc. And keep challenging her to wait while you’re speaking, hang up her own coat, put on her own shoes, and wiping her own behind. She’ll be fine

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think preschool is very important for K readiness. But I think you should be able to find a part time program for relatively cheap. If not a full time program, look at community classes that are like "preschool prep" and they are a drop off program for 2 hours.

I disagree that "library hour" is the same thing - not at all. You want your child to be in an unfamiliar setting and getting used to interacting with other kids and listening to other adults.

I think she will lag behind her peers if you don't send her to something!

To OP's earlier point, I think, there's no real denial that her daughter will be a bit behind at first, but the question is sort of "does that matter" and "behind for how long". Two questions I respect in this age of so many parents thinking their kid has to be at the top of everything. Sure, her DD may struggle a bit more with the adjustment to K than most of her peers, but is that alone reason for the family to stretch beyond their financial comfort zone. I don't think that lag is insurmountable, or even more of a couple of weeks transition -- akin to what many kids experience for the first time with preschool. Alone, the desire to prevent that short lag shouldn't compel a family to stretch beyond their comfort zone, in my opinion.

Thank you yes! I feel like I'm not as bad a person as people are making me out to be... this is exactly what I'm trying to get at!

Glad this resonated. And, selfishly, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only person out there who feels this way about so many things related to child-rearing and family priorities. There's so much pressure to do things a certain way. Hell, I'm getting pushback from people who feel my daughter should be in a "preschool program"+aftercare rather than daycare. I'm also getting pushback from people who think my apartment is too small for our family. Our family is happy and feels balanced and loving and supportive. Kids are resilient and you're not screwing them up in any meaningful way by making certain decisions that might make their lives a little harder in some ways, but for reasons that keep the overall family priorities in harmony. And financially bending to accommodate a 3rd kid is a completely different calculus than financially bending (albeit much less significantly) to send your kids to preschool in addition to a nanny...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, OP, and I also WAH FT and DH works from home at least twice a week so we stretched for a nanny, too ( though never stopped retirement contributions!). And the kids started PT preschool at a co-op in a church basement at 3 and we kept the nanny. BUT, we stopped at 3 kids because we could not afford to do all this with 3 kids. I don’t understand how you seem to think kid #3 will not cost you anything.

I don't think they will cost nothing but adding #3 is not like starting from scratch. Especially with our nanny. We have all the stuff, I have clothing for boys and girls. There are long term costs like college but we are saving for that and they have very generous grandparents who have already significantly funded their 529s without taking into account our contributions. Diapers will be a net of zero as DD just stopped using them a few months ago. DS will be on his way out when baby comes. Biggest cost will be formula with is not insignificant but DD will be in K by then.

JFC - it is two more whole years of the nanny. Conservatively, it's an extra $50,000, and that's if you pay your nanny a ridiculously low amount.

The local community daycare program starts at age 3. When #3 turns 3 (theoretically) we would put them into the community preschool full day program for age 3 and 4 and some aftercare because agreed it would not make sense to pay for a nanny for a single child and most of the benefits of being at home with us all the time start to fade a bit.

You could definitely do that, as long as you don't love your third as much as your other two.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.

yeah, my DD's personality is that a social, compliant rule follower. She went to preschool, but probably would have been fine without it or with very little of it. My DS, on the other hand, well, he needs all the practice he can get on following directions!

Anonymous wrote:I’m a preschool teacher (at a part-day church houses play based preschool). Here’s my 2 cents: I think whether or not your child will have a successful transition to Kindergarten without any preschool entirely depends on the personality of your child. If your child is generally a good listener to both parents and nanny and grandparents, this is a pro. If your child has an average to good attention span for preferred activities and a decent attention span to non-preferred activities, then this is another pro. If she can listen to a book being read to her without interrupting. If she handle disappointment when she doesn’t get her way. If she can share toys with neighbor peers (not just her siblings) then this is a pro. If she can do most of the above, she will likely be okay in kindergarten.

Thank you. I think she does do most of these things and is generally a calm and well behaved kid who is very naturally social and engaging with other kids and adults. I do feel like we could definitely do at least one half day a week for 37 and I think that might be what we shoot for, splitting the baby so to speak.