Anonymous wrote:My DS's late and surprising autism diagnosis followed by multiple severe regressions that stole his words and his future. He was my sweet and easy second child.

He is nine now and severely handicapped. I have moments of grief and overwhelm everyday but they don't last as long as they used to. Minutes instead of days. We still have a lot of joy and many things to be grateful for, and I try to focus on that. I was a philosophy major in college and somehow that has helped me with this experience.

I'm sorry, PP. May I ask what was so surprising about your child's diagnosis? Did you not suspect it at all?

My DS's late and surprising autism diagnosis followed by multiple severe regressions that stole his words and his future. He was my sweet and easy second child.

He is nine now and severely handicapped. I have moments of grief and overwhelm everyday but they don't last as long as they used to. Minutes instead of days. We still have a lot of joy and many things to be grateful for, and I try to focus on that. I was a philosophy major in college and somehow that has helped me with this experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been lucky enough to not experience much tragedy, but depression can bring me pretty low. I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve fantasized about it obsessively. I know if I had a gun I’d be dead by now. And then of course reading these stories makes you feel like a real piece of shlt because what right do I have to feel that way when I have so much?

I've talked to my therapist about this and she said that minimizing your struggles because of someone elses just exacerbates how you feel. Own your feelings and know that they are true, exist, and matter.

+1

Compare yourself to yourself, in order to be healthy.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been lucky enough to not experience much tragedy, but depression can bring me pretty low. I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve fantasized about it obsessively. I know if I had a gun I’d be dead by now. And then of course reading these stories makes you feel like a real piece of shlt because what right do I have to feel that way when I have so much?

I've talked to my therapist about this and she said that minimizing your struggles because of someone elses just exacerbates how you feel. Own your feelings and know that they are true, exist, and matter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The call saying my brother was dead by suicide.

I haven’t recovered. I just move one day forward. I have had pockets of joy, including the birth of my son, and all of the happiness involved in his five years of life. But the brother-sized hole in my life is never filled and sometimes feels even bigger.

+1. Same situation. 13 years later and it still feels like yesterday

I’m sorry. My brother’s suicide was 10 years ago and it really does feel like yesterday sometimes. A quarter of my life has passed and yet I am still suspended in trauma and grief in so many ways. I’m trying to get into some studies of MDMA for PTSD or psilocybin for depression, which have shown enormous promise in breaking through grief and trauma like this, but sadly my brother’s death by suicide has excluded me from medical studies. I’m trying to find trusted, safe sources and sitters now.

I am so sorry for all of you all.

My brother's suicide was very recent. He was a drug addict and suffered from depression. The only thing that brings me any kind of solace is that I do believe that he is finally at peace. It was never going to end happy for him. Telling my kids was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. They didn't see his faults- they only saw a kind uncle who would play with them and who made them laugh. My brother was in treatment for the drug addiction and for the depression. He also had a decent job that paid him well. We all thought he was doing better.

Eight years ago I lost my Mom to cancer. I do think my brother was into the drugs before she got sick, but her illness and then death took him into an out-of-control downward spiral. I was so mad for my kids. She was amazing and wanted nothing more than to spend as much time with them as she could.

How do I get through it? First of all, therapy. I went weekly for two years after my mom died. I learned a lot.

I also think I am a naturally resilient person and have a naturally sunny disposition. (I was adopted, so who knows where that all came from.) I know I have a good life and I am so grateful for everything, especially my health. My husband is a saint and I also have awesome friends. My kids are the best- usually. I try to exercise everyday and I think that helps me immensely. I also do as much community service as I can. I own my own business and work every day, but I have a huge amount of flexibility. My work gives me purpose and I am so glad I can provide jobs in our community.

Speaking of community, my kids, my husband and I have an amazing community of friends that surround us. These are people from our children's schools, rec and travel sports teams, our neighborhood, etc. My house is always full of kids and we have people over all the time.

I do have my bad days, but I usually snap out of things quickly. I don't have time to wallow because I try to keep myself as busy as possible.

We all grieve in our own ways. There is no right or wrong. The most important thing is self-care. That looks different for everyone. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be afraid to live and to be happy.

Anonymous wrote:Got fired, was diagnosed with early stage cancer, and found out an old friend passed away in a matter of 10 days.

Submitted too soon... how I got past it? I faked it. I needed a job so I dragged myself out of the house to go on interviews. I cried a lot. I got on medication. I slept a lot. Eventually the fog lifted.

Anonymous wrote:Got fired, was diagnosed with early stage cancer, and found out an old friend passed away in a matter of 10 days.

I'm sorry, OP. That sounds rough. I don't know how or if I could deal with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother's illness with cancer and her death. After her death I went into a very dark place. It hurt so bad I thought the pain was going to kill me.

NP here. This is a fear of mine. My mom is a cancer survivor but I'm so scared it's going to recur and I'll lose her prematurely (she is only 70). The thought of life without my sweet mom is so painful. I don't know how I'm gonna do it when she's gone.

My mom was 61. We just moved back to be near her so she could enjoy her grandkids. She was an amazing mother and grandmother. A month after our move she was diagnosed with cancer and the rest of the following year we spent running back and forth from one appointment to another hoping for a miracle. She never got to retire and enjoy her family.

The same thing happened to my mom at 63, pp. Sending love.

Got fired, was diagnosed with early stage cancer, and found out an old friend passed away in a matter of 10 days.

I walked in on my 19yo son in the middle of a suicide attempt. He had stabbed himself. It’s been 2months and 4days. He survived, Im getting him mental health help all over our city, and pray every morning he’s alive for one more day. I have not moved forward, at all.

My teenage years were very difficult, I have a very difficult mother who has some mental health issues. I think she has borderline personality disorder. After I graduated college and was finally 'free' my dad and brother died almost exactly a year apart, both in extremely unexpected and sudden ways that were not at all related to each other. The rest of my siblings were still kids, so I moved back to help at one point and generally provided emotional and physical support for the following years because I was the only one of us kind of still moving. But of course I was also grieving myself. I remember the call about my brother's accident so well, like a slow motion moment that replays every once in awhile if I let it into my mind. And the car ride to my mom's house and getting there. And the crippling pain I used to feel when alone. Still feel when I allow myself to.

We were recovering alright from dad's death but the sibling just destroyed all of us. Sometime that week or month or something I began to tell myself, 'in three years, everyone is going to be ok, if we all make it to three years out we're going to be ok.' And I just kept going, one foor in front of the other and reminding myself of that. It was a trial to be endured. My mom's mental illness has made it all much harder.

But now I have survived and created my own family and I understand what it means to be grateful. I understand what it means to truly know that anything could happen and to live life in a way that won't be filled with regrets. I changed my whole life to create the life I want for my family where I am able to savor parts of life every day.

Happiness is a choice. Depression is a disease of course where you can't choose happiness and you should get help if that effects you, but for the rest of us it is a choice. Well, a series of choices. The choice to feel gratitude when waiting in a long line at Starbucks that you are going to get to enjoy coffee, that you have the money to buy it etc instead of being annoyed at the wait. If you make choices like that all the time, they accumulate into a grateful and happy person. If you think someone is being fake, maybe you are wrong and they are just choosing to be happy.

Whenever a thread like this comes up it makes me think of resiliency. And it makes me sad. If you are able to bounce back from something like this, it can change you for the better, but so many are just destroyed by it. I think I survived through sheer force of will. My other siblings haven't all been as successful. I don't blame them, I wish I could imbue them with some of whatever it is that I have that made me more able to pull myself up off the mat and refuse to stay down. I want to know how to teach my children how to be resilient without having them endure some wrenching tragedy.

my teenage years - I struggled with eating disorder, being extremely overweight, no friends, messed up my studies and went off track with my career. Depression that I did not understand and was undiagnosed. Thinking of those years fill me with dread. By my mid-twenties I pulled myself out, worked hard on myself and on my life, learned the meaning of friendship and love. I cannot believe the successful, happy life I have built for myself today. The teenage me would never have been able to fathom this.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been lucky enough to not experience much tragedy, but depression can bring me pretty low. I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve fantasized about it obsessively. I know if I had a gun I’d be dead by now. And then of course reading these stories makes you feel like a real piece of shlt because what right do I have to feel that way when I have so much?

I’m with you, although I lost my older brother at a very young age (don’t remember him, but at times I do feel like something is missing), and watched my FIL die on my 30th birthday. My birthday has always been tough for me after that. The last few weeks, I’ve tried to be more sympathetic to myself for struggling with depression, but I can’t help but feel like a real piece of shit for everything I do have in my life (education, good job, nice family, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The call saying my brother was dead by suicide.

I haven’t recovered. I just move one day forward. I have had pockets of joy, including the birth of my son, and all of the happiness involved in his five years of life. But the brother-sized hole in my life is never filled and sometimes feels even bigger.

+1. Same situation. 13 years later and it still feels like yesterday

I’m sorry. My brother’s suicide was 10 years ago and it really does feel like yesterday sometimes. A quarter of my life has passed and yet I am still suspended in trauma and grief in so many ways. I’m trying to get into some studies of MDMA for PTSD or psilocybin for depression, which have shown enormous promise in breaking through grief and trauma like this, but sadly my brother’s death by suicide has excluded me from medical studies. I’m trying to find trusted, safe sources and sitters now.

I’ve been lucky enough to not experience much tragedy, but depression can bring me pretty low. I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve fantasized about it obsessively. I know if I had a gun I’d be dead by now. And then of course reading these stories makes you feel like a real piece of shlt because what right do I have to feel that way when I have so much?