Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this thread is really sad.

The OP is reaching out for help.

+1. There are some really crappy people on here.

Anonymous wrote:For one, you probably read "Lean In" and failed to recognize Sheryl Sanders for the trash she is, and as a result, you thought it was awesome. You've now convinced yourself that your career is the most important thing in your life. What you don't realize is that, for generations, men have worked hard to build their careers primarily so that they could earn more money for their families. You're just pursuing a meaningless, narcissistic agenda that causes you to dislike anything good.

Whoa. This sounds like some serious projection. OP, Ignore these a-holes and talk to a therapist.

PP 16:46 captures my feelings very well. I love my child but I hate parenting. I'd much rather be the cool aunt who visits frequently, and not the mom, so to speak.

DH and I have jobs that pay roughly equally and have similar levels of responsibility. He really wanted kids. I really didn't. I gave in to make him happy. (When we married, we agreed that neither of us wanted kids. He changed his mind later.) I don't regret the decision per se, because it was the right thing for us as a couple, but it really was the wrong thing for me. I dislike parenting every bit as much as I thought I would.

I love my job, and I really love my hobbies. Parenting drains time and energy that doesn't really let me enjoy the rest of my life the way that I did before. And I hate being more homebound. DH and I used to go out a lot -- travel, attend events (so much to do in DC, with concerts and art galleries and lectures and so on), etc.

I try to be a good parent, but I don't enjoy it -- even though I have a great kid with an easy temperament.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize your job over your children. Get counseling please before you screw them up forever.

Not OP but men do this all the time and they don't get grief over it.

+1 Motherhood is not for everyone. OP, I feel the same. It has not gotten better. I am not depressed. Kids were not planned and shockingly happened anyway when it should not have—twice! I will never get these years back. Many women feel this way but it is so taboo no one talks about it. Both my grandmothers felt this too—and they were great mothers. I had a terrible childhood myself but my kids have a great one...but I do not enjoy it one bit. Women have to sacrifice so much more than men to have children. It’s unfair that we are just supposed to love it.

Is it the kids or the parenting that you don't like? I ask because I love my kids, but parenting is a real disappointment. I hate parenting even though my DH is involved and helpful and we generally balance things well. I hate all the responsibility, no time to myself, lack of freedom, having to settle for jobs as I'm not the main breadwinner, all of the sacrifices and I could go on and on. I truly feel bad about it but I feel overwhelmed most of the time. Some days I wish I could pack up and leave, but this passes of course and I love my little family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You prioritize your job over your children. Get counseling please before you screw them up forever.

Not OP but men do this all the time and they don't get grief over it.

+1 Motherhood is not for everyone. OP, I feel the same. It has not gotten better. I am not depressed. Kids were not planned and shockingly happened anyway when it should not have—twice! I will never get these years back. Many women feel this way but it is so taboo no one talks about it. Both my grandmothers felt this too—and they were great mothers. I had a terrible childhood myself but my kids have a great one...but I do not enjoy it one bit. Women have to sacrifice so much more than men to have children. It’s unfair that we are just supposed to love it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I love my kids, but at the end of a long day, their screaming really irritates me. They are playing and I think it will get better as they get older or we move into a bigger house. It is easy to see the kids as one more thing to deal with, but I really try to look into their eyes and see them as the little humans who need me. I am not a kid person I realize (really I always knew this), but I love my kids and I’m doing my best. My mom definitely saw her kids as another chore and that really hurt. I’m trying to be better.

Or, change your parenting style and figure out the reason behind their behavior and do something about it to make things more pleasant at home.

I’m the person your quoted. They are playing and excited to see each other. They are not misbehaving. We are all snowed into today and they are doing great!

Do you think they know or do you try and fake it a bit? It may be depression so I hope you speak with a doctor.

The good thing is that you might really enjoy them as teens and as they become early adults. However, the sad thing might be that without an early foundation of interacting with you they may not know how.

I like the idea of one of the above PPs to schedule a few minutes a day. Start small. Keep in mind that your goal is to have a relationship with them at an age that you either will enjoy/ appreciate/ or respect them as adults.

I can’t imagine parenting in your shoes and so truly wish you luck in find a way forward for all of you.

Weed helps

OP, I have similar feelings except my kids are 6 and 1. I adore the baby, but find myself easily irritated and impatient with the 6 year old. It doesn’t help that he has SNs that are extremely hard to manage sometimes. I never expected these feelings — my 6 y/o and I had the best relationship before baby was born. Then it was like a light switch. Suddenly I was looking at older child differently. I love both of my kids and pray that I won’t be paying for therapy in the future because I really want to be a good parent.

Anonymous wrote:NP. I love my kids, but at the end of a long day, their screaming really irritates me. They are playing and I think it will get better as they get older or we move into a bigger house. It is easy to see the kids as one more thing to deal with, but I really try to look into their eyes and see them as the little humans who need me. I am not a kid person I realize (really I always knew this), but I love my kids and I’m doing my best. My mom definitely saw her kids as another chore and that really hurt. I’m trying to be better.

Or, change your parenting style and figure out the reason behind their behavior and do something about it to make things more pleasant at home.

Get help OP. Now.

Anonymous wrote:For one, you probably read "Lean In" and failed to recognize Sheryl Sanders for the trash she is, and as a result, you thought it was awesome. You've now convinced yourself that your career is the most important thing in your life. What you don't realize is that, for generations, men have worked hard to build their careers primarily so that they could earn more money for their families. You're just pursuing a meaningless, narcissistic agenda that causes you to dislike anything good.

The Sandberg obsessed troll is back. Lady, this isn’t a frustrated women caught between succeeding at work and wanting to be with her kids. Sandberg has no superpowers that can persuade would-be SAHMs to take a 70 hr a week job instead overtime or vice versa.

Anonymous wrote:When I was battling severe anxiety (and wanted to be left alone) I found it helped to make a practical list of goals for Interacting with my kids each day. So for example, my daughter was 2 at the time and I had on the list -read 3 board books a day, make her laugh, spend 10 mins of floor time. For my 6 year old it looks something like, read to her for 20 minutes a day (even if you’re kid is reading chapter books they usually enjoy being read to), give her at least one unsolicited hug a day, ask how school went. It doesn’t seem like much, but the more they are done, the more you build your stamina for them, the more you genuinely enjoy them and eventually, the check-off list isn’t needed anymore and t

This is brilliant and a good way to approach other kinds of frustrations!

When I was battling severe anxiety (and wanted to be left alone) I found it helped to make a practical list of goals for Interacting with my kids each day. So for example, my daughter was 2 at the time and I had on the list -read 3 board books a day, make her laugh, spend 10 mins of floor time. For my 6 year old it looks something like, read to her for 20 minutes a day (even if you’re kid is reading chapter books they usually enjoy being read to), give her at least one unsolicited hug a day, ask how school went. It doesn’t seem like much, but the more they are done, the more you build your stamina for them, the more you genuinely enjoy them and eventually, the check-off list isn’t needed anymore and t