Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are three major bumps:
1. Mid to late-20s. These were the people who married at age 22-24 to high school or college sweethearts, figured out it wasn't working or they wanted different things, and parted ways with no kids. Most happily remarried.
2. When kids hit 5-6 (roughly) and are out of the daycare years. This is happening a lot among my friends. I am 36.
3. When kids hit college and are out of the house.

I posted this without reading the rest of the thread and someone posted the same thing upthread! Well, glad to know my friends' experiences aren't unique!

Noticed the same thing. I have some friends that had started marriages (group one) before I knew them. A lot seemed to be when their youngest was in early elementary - wave 2. So far haven’t hit wave 3 yet.

I'm in my early 30s and have four close friends who have divorced. In each instance, it was the husband leaving the wife. For anecdata's sake, in 3 out of 4 of the instances, the husbands' parents had been divorced and happily remarried; all four of the wives' parents were still married. None of the couples have children. None of the couples were college sweethearts, all lived together before getting married. Shortest marriage lasted 6 months, and others lasted a few years but none made it to five. I'm actually shocked more people aren't reporting the same.

I'm 40 and I have a group of friends who married around age 28-32ish, and then another group who got married after 35. I'm starting to see divorces from the first group, not yet from the second - most likely because the first group has kids in elementary school or older while the second group is still in the baby/toddler years.

I had 4 friends divorce last year at age 33-34, no kids for any of them. All got married around 27/28. I thought it was kind of odd since when you look at their stats, so to speak, they were all in low risk categories for divorce (didn't marry super young, educated, finances fine, etc). Have a 5th friend with a terrible husband who I hope joins them, but think she'll double down and have a baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s here and this makes sense. We are coming out of the baby years when it was all hands on deck and when there was no sex in the regular sense

Now there is lingering resentment from my wife about all the things I did wrong, we haven't rekindled the romantic side and frankly we are spiralling away from each other. And yes, as a successful man, it is easy to see alternatives out there and the potential of never having an intimate life again is stifling.

There is no excuse ever to have an affair. Get a divorce, give her the house, a good settlement and child support/alimony and move on.

Most nonsense post ever bordering on extortion. So to get this straight, a woman can refuse to have sex which is the glue to a marriage and a man's only option is to leave his house to his wife and give up his assets and lose full time access to his kids? Why isn't the equitable solution for the cut off spouse to seek it elsewhere and the withholding spouse can leave or step up if they don't like the situation?

Go take a shower, Hon. Wash off your dirt.
Yes - you should divorce, leaving your wife with adequate resources without being mean and cruel and move on. I would never date a man who was cruel to his ex wife.

The problem is that they have nothing left to offer to a new relationship. I am all for supporting their children and taking care of their obligations but it is a difficult situation to navigate. Once they realize that the alimony payments, giving up the house, and child support leave them with nothing, they get bitter. They enter the dating marketing thinking that women should be happy to hand over sex after a date or two and no opportunity for a long-term relationship. What they don't realize is that DC has a fresh crop of business men traveling in every week offering the same thing. It floods the market.

Single woman in DC have the cream of the crop to pick from if they are looking for casual relationships.

I've recently seen a whole slew of people divorcing in the 45-55 age range. I don't know if its people going through mid life crises but it sure seems to be. Very often it seems to be just before or after becoming empty nesters when people accept that it was kids under the roof that kept them together.

About 45. I'm 50 now. I got divorced at 47.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s here and this makes sense. We are coming out of the baby years when it was all hands on deck and when there was no sex in the regular sense

Now there is lingering resentment from my wife about all the things I did wrong, we haven't rekindled the romantic side and frankly we are spiralling away from each other. And yes, as a successful man, it is easy to see alternatives out there and the potential of never having an intimate life again is stifling.

There is no excuse ever to have an affair. Get a divorce, give her the house, a good settlement and child support/alimony and move on.

Most nonsense post ever bordering on extortion. So to get this straight, a woman can refuse to have sex which is the glue to a marriage and a man's only option is to leave his house to his wife and give up his assets and lose full time access to his kids? Why isn't the equitable solution for the cut off spouse to seek it elsewhere and the withholding spouse can leave or step up if they don't like the situation?

As long as you are dating other married folks, that's fine.

I’m also 40 and only know one person my age who has divorced. My guess is that is happens later.

Mid 40s to early 50s...big wave..most married 15 years+

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:46 and only two divorces out of about 25 couples we are close with. And sex is still regular and passionate, fwiw.

Congratulations. Sex in my marriage was also still regular and passionate, right up to the time we decided to divorce. Not a deciding factor, fwiw.

what was the deciding factor?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there are three primary bail out points:

1. After a year or two for those starter marriages where high school/college sweethearts get married solely because they happened to be dating each other when they reached graduation.

2. After the kids get to elementary school - as one of the PPs mentioned, it's all hands on deck during those baby/toddler years, and then some couples look up and realize how broken their marriage has become.

3. After the kids get to college - with the kids raised and gone, some couple see no remaining reason to be together.

Agree. We are hitting the second wave. And it's the couples you would NOT suspect at all.

We're seeing that too, and I always wonder what has really been going on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s here and this makes sense. We are coming out of the baby years when it was all hands on deck and when there was no sex in the regular sense

Now there is lingering resentment from my wife about all the things I did wrong, we haven't rekindled the romantic side and frankly we are spiralling away from each other. And yes, as a successful man, it is easy to see alternatives out there and the potential of never having an intimate life again is stifling.

There is no excuse ever to have an affair. Get a divorce, give her the house, a good settlement and child support/alimony and move on.

Most nonsense post ever bordering on extortion. So to get this straight, a woman can refuse to have sex which is the glue to a marriage and a man's only option is to leave his house to his wife and give up his assets and lose full time access to his kids? Why isn't the equitable solution for the cut off spouse to seek it elsewhere and the withholding spouse can leave or step up if they don't like the situation?

Go take a shower, Hon. Wash off your dirt.
Yes - you should divorce, leaving your wife with adequate resources without being mean and cruel and move on. I would never date a man who was cruel to his ex wife.

So many pearl-clutchers on here think we are in the 1950s when women sat around and waited for hubby's paycheck. Marriage is a two-way street, and in many cases, both are earners, and in more and more cases the woman is the primary breadwinner. But sex is also part of the marriage agreement. If it breaks down, it is not just on the man.

Anonymous wrote:Here's a rundown of the divorced couples I know:

- Late 30s, wife told husband she was a lesbian, 0 kids
- Early 20s, husband really was the scumbag her friends and family warned her about, 3 kids
- Early 30s, wedding guests took bets on how long marriage would last (winner: 6 months), 0 kids

Sounds like the bride has a horrible taste in men AND friends.

Anonymous wrote:46 and only two divorces out of about 25 couples we are close with. And sex is still regular and passionate, fwiw.

Congratulations. Sex in my marriage was also still regular and passionate, right up to the time we decided to divorce. Not a deciding factor, fwiw.