Anonymous wrote:Kissing doesn’t feel right anymore, you can live without frequent sex, you are not eager for date nights...but you are good friends and parent well. And you know it’s not that your sex drive is waning- in fact, you know there are other men out there who would be the perfect match in terms of sex and attraction? I don’t blame the kids. Neither of us gained weight. We hardly fight. Anyone been down this road? Did you divorce amicably or come to an agreement, I.e. open marriage? We are both in our late 30s and I can’t imagine another 20+ years of this, let alone 40 years.

I’m guessing your situation decribes a majority of marriages. We’re a society of instant gratification and disposable everything, so it’s become increasingly common for people to forget the commitment they made and go seek something shiny and new. My father told me you go into marriage thinking it’s the love that will sustain the marriage but, if successful, you learn that it’s the marriage that sustains the love. What he meant is that the intense feeling of passionate love or maybe even love itself will diminish and/or ebb and flow over the life of a marriage, but it’s the commitment you made to one another (the marriage) that will keep glued you together until things improve and life returns. I recently read a study that said the majority of people who contemplated divorce but didn’t follow through were grateful for their decision 5 years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DADT saves precisely these kinds of marriages.

That is called “cheating”

Not divorcing sounds like a save to me.

OP - your post is icky and shallow

Anonymous wrote:DADT saves precisely these kinds of marriages.

That is called “cheating”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to seriously spice up your sex life. If you went to the same restaurant and ordered the same meal week after week, year after year you would get bored and want to try something new. You need to change the menu! Change the location where you have sex, get on the internet and find new positions to try! Use your imagination!

This, right here. Go have sex in the back seat of a car, give him oral while driving the next time you show up on a road trip. You must have fantasies. Now is the time to pick one and try it out.

+1 on bringing your fantasies to life. It may initially surprise and even shock your husband but he will get over it. If he doesn't respond to helping you live out a fantasy then you have a problem. In one of my crazier moments I came into bed with two scarves and asked my husband to tie me to the headboard. He was happy to.

Yes because he is not really that important! He is just there to perform for your pleasure.

NP - my DH is important and sex is a two way street. When both peoples needs are being met the result is memorable. A few nights ago we both laughed because it took a long time to recover and get our heart rates back to normal.

Anonymous wrote:DADT saves precisely these kinds of marriages.

My wife and I have this, sort of. A highly functional marriage but little in the way of physical chemistry (despite my efforts). She made clear that if I screw up she doesn't want to know. Truth is I have only cashed in on it once in several years but it does take a tremendous pressure off the marriage to know it's a possibility.

Agree with posters above there is no such thing as a great platonic marriage but there definitely can be a functional consultant parenting marriage if there is enough love to accommodate reasonable needs