Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

I’m another middle aged woman who has never seen older women in the neighborhood telling younger ones what to do. I do notice that it is the middle aged and older women who volunteer for the community positions that involve planning neighborhood activities such as the Halloween parade and the end of school party and so forth- maybe there’s a perception of being told what to do in those situations? But I have never had a neighbor, male or female, tell me how to take care of my lawn or my children. That would be pretty odd.

And what is “ding dong ditch”? Is it ringing a doorbell and running away, by any chance? Because if that’s the case, I can’t imagine anyone enjoying going to the door to find no one there, especially if you are busy in another part of the house. Are you saying young women enjoy answering the door to find no one there but older women do not? What does being a busybody have to do with being annoyed at answering your door when no one is there? And did you really find it entertaining to watch kids do this? I’m surprised an adult would find that “the best/most entertaining happening.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I'm in my 50's and my kids are about raised. I never had a neighbor try to tell me how to tend to my yard or raise my kids. And no way do I have any interest in telling younger women how to raise their kids or keep their homes. Not my monkeys, not my circus.

The only time I would notice is if your yard had become an eyesore or your kids were doing something that affected me/my family/my property in a negative way."

DP here. Now that you mention it, I have definitely seen women of a certain age try to tell younger neighbors how to do things. I guess the neighbors they were talking to might have looked young for their age, but they were not stupid, so I could see how that would rub someone the wrong way. They already have parents!

The best/most entertaining happening was when the neighborhood kids (not my neighborhood, a nearby one) were playing what used to be known as "ding dong ditch". The older women neighbors were positively furious! I do think some people try to exacerbate a situation - they just like drama. Not too many younger women have time for that busy body crap.

The funny thing is that the biggest complainers about "ding dong ditch" were probably the younger parents who didn't want their little ones woken up after they had just been put to bed.

Older people and especially widows might get startled to have their door bell rung like after dark. And I can't say that I blame them.

Anonymous wrote:The reason most of the relative vents seem to be about older manipulative women is that the nature of DCUM is for negative venting. People who are very happy with their mom or MIL don't generally start a thread about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last generation of SAHMs adjusting to a new world of “mixed” DILs. They don’t get why both SAHMs and WOHMs these days aren’t automatically taking on emotional labor, bulk of chores, etc.

Their moms, grandmothers and peers all managed most of the household and emotional labor. They were also taught to be nice and deferential and “feminine.” They don’t always adjust.

+1. And they are so resentful...turns out men ARE capable of doing household chores, feeling secure with an equal-partner wife (whether she works outside the home or not), sending birthday cards, etc. They got the last generation of men who was expected to do NONE of those things, and they feel really bitter about it. They try to make today's women feel guilty about expecting husbands to do chores, "leaving their babies" to go to work, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hence why I love older women.

I love and try to emulate strong, disciplined, fun and funny older women - it's the persnickety, bitter, snarky, petulant ones I could do without.

Anonymous wrote:Older women worry less about being "nice" so they are more direct and no BS than younger women. Kind of like men. But people hate women for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last generation of SAHMs adjusting to a new world of “mixed” DILs. They don’t get why both SAHMs and WOHMs these days aren’t automatically taking on emotional labor, bulk of chores, etc.

Their moms, grandmothers and peers all managed most of the household and emotional labor. They were also taught to be nice and deferential and “feminine.” They don’t always adjust.

+1. And they are so resentful...turns out men ARE capable of doing household chores, feeling secure with an equal-partner wife (whether she works outside the home or not), sending birthday cards, etc. They got the last generation of men who was expected to do NONE of those things, and they feel really bitter about it. They try to make today's women feel guilty about expecting husbands to do chores, "leaving their babies" to go to work, etc.

Anonymous wrote: Quite a blanket statement. I’m a woman nearing 60 and I don’t do any of that. Maybe it’s just the older women in your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women worry less about being "nice" so they are more direct and no BS than younger women. Kind of like men. But people hate women for it.

BS, the women just want to get their way and will beat any subject to death. I just roll my eyes or turn the TV louder. But I'm the grouchy old man

Well you sound like a hoot.

Anonymous wrote:The last generation of SAHMs adjusting to a new world of “mixed” DILs. They don’t get why both SAHMs and WOHMs these days aren’t automatically taking on emotional labor, bulk of chores, etc.

Their moms, grandmothers and peers all managed most of the household and emotional labor. They were also taught to be nice and deferential and “feminine.” They don’t always adjust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Older women worry less about being "nice" so they are more direct and no BS than younger women. Kind of like men. But people hate women for it.

THIS! It is nice when you get to a certain age and don't care what people think of you. You realize that your needs can come first.

Anonymous wrote:Most (not all) of the relative vents are about older women being manipulative, demanding and not respecting boundaries. I see the same thing in my extended family. My MIL and aunt behave the same way. Was this generation trained in these skills? It just seems like an exhausting way to live but also seems so common.

Why do they care how other people live their lives? Why do they obsess about getting their way?