Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 08:45     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:I’m hoping this will change with future generations but women carry he majority of emotional labor and childcare. My in-laws only ask dh how he’s doing or if he needs help. They never asked how my pregnancies went, how I was postpartum or how I am during dh’s deployments. Because dh didn’t need help or didn’t like to call, they never spoke to me. If you want to be close to your grandkids, have a good relationship with the DIL. My in-laws never spoke to me, just dh, so when he’s gone they don’t bother to ask about the kids other than to stalk me on Facebook. They’re takers. They want constant visits but never visit us. They want updates but never text me. I’m the one here with the kids while dh is gone.

On the other hand I will see a lot of DIL’s criticizing how intrusive, nosy, judgmental their inlaws are. There’s a post now complaining about inlaws wanting to visit when her DH is gone. It’ must be very hard for them to carefully balance exactly what each DIL might want.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 08:36     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
I this was true in my family, my grandparents played favorites and fabored my cousin s over me
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 08:10     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maternal grandparents help constantly but paternal grandparents still want half the holidays.
So, one only gets holidays if they help you?


NP. You really don't see how it's easier and more pleasant and more satisfying to be around people who help rather than people who sit around expecting to be served?

I personally have parents and ILs who are helpful, and for that, I'm very grateful. But I can totally see why it's frustrating and not worth yet more extra effort to literally cater to unhelpful people.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 08:08     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:This was true in my family, and I always felt cheated that I didn't get to know my paternal grandmother well.


Sorry your dad was a crappy family member. Don't lay it at the feet of your mother.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 08:08     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.


They are trying to justify being crappy mom's to their boys and not teaching their daughters, especially by example, on how to be a good DIL.


Nonsense. Do not put this on the DIL. This quote is totally on boy moms. Teach your boys to fully participate in family relationships, when single and married and this quote will die away.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 07:54     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
I’m hoping this will change with future generations but women carry he majority of emotional labor and childcare. My in-laws only ask dh how he’s doing or if he needs help. They never asked how my pregnancies went, how I was postpartum or how I am during dh’s deployments. Because dh didn’t need help or didn’t like to call, they never spoke to me. If you want to be close to your grandkids, have a good relationship with the DIL. My in-laws never spoke to me, just dh, so when he’s gone they don’t bother to ask about the kids other than to stalk me on Facebook. They’re takers. They want constant visits but never visit us. They want updates but never text me. I’m the one here with the kids while dh is gone.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 07:02     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maternal grandparents help constantly but paternal grandparents still want half the holidays.
So, one only gets holidays if they help you?


Np. Yes. People that help more should get more rewards. Paternal grandparents are just takers in that instance.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 06:33     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:Maternal grandparents help constantly but paternal grandparents still want half the holidays.
So, one only gets holidays if they help you?
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 06:26     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Not in my family.
Anonymous
Post 01/19/2019 00:12     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
This was true in my family, and I always felt cheated that I didn't get to know my paternal grandmother well.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 23:49     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


It’s actually not universal.

My brother got married at the age of 38. Do you think he was Mr. Birthday Remember who called often and prioritized family vacations and holidays, and then suddenly ignored us when he took a wife? Uh, no.

He’s always been fairly flaky and useless when it comes to family stuff. If anything, he’s CLOSER to us now, as his wife will remind him of birthdays and have him call to make holiday plans with us after she gets her side squared away.


This is true of my husband and me. I maintain much closer relations with his family than he used to do before we got married. But, the relationship between my family and me is still MUCH stronger, more flexible, and longer-lasting. Nothing can compare.


Yeah, but doesn't that go back to who he was (is) BEFORE you? Like, wasn't he more stand-offish and removed than his family would have liked *even before you came on the scene?*

See, that's the point. You didn't "steal him away." He wasn't a great son until you scooped him up. You've only changed him for the BETTER, which is why that old quote is so ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 23:40     Subject: Re:Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
My husbands parents are more involved, see us more often, and are more hands on with the kids than my parents. It’s just their personalities...my in laws are more laid back, easy going and flexible/understanding with young kids whereas my parents are very set in their ways and less likely to get down on the floor and play with the kids or really engage. We’d love for them all to be equally involved and we have good relationships w them all but this is just the way it is due to the grandparents’ different personalities.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 23:31     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.


They are trying to justify being crappy mom's to their boys and not teaching their daughters, especially by example, on how to be a good DIL.


Nope. Try again. I’m an excellent DIL. Dh can’t even phone it in with his parents. His parents never see us ever. My parents are so interested in everything about my kids, even the poop stories. Or maybe they pretend because they know I just need a parent to listen. MIL can’t be bothered to even pretend
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 23:15     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.


They are trying to justify being crappy mom's to their boys and not teaching their daughters, especially by example, on how to be a good DIL.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 23:14     Subject: Are grandparents generally more closer with their daughter's kids than son's kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your son's you son till he takes a wife but a daughter's your daughter all your life.. yes, it is true


As a mom of only boys, this quote angers me like no other.


Then raise them to pick up the phone and call you and be closer with them. Dh only wants to call his dad but the two of them just suck at phone communication. I can’t explain it.