Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you know that when they say "no" there is the unspoken proviso, "but you have to make more than I do".

Also not true. Sorry you are jaded.

Nope. It is true. That's why marriages where she makes more than him are more likely to end in divorce than when he makes more than her.

You are trying to draw a simple conclusion to a complicated issue (reasons for divorce). Even if divorce rates are higher where the woman earns more that doesn't mean she had an unspoken proviso that her husband must earn X.

Women who are financially secure on their own are less likely to put up with abuse, addiction and adultery (the three main reasons for divorce). That doesn't mean they need to out earn their spouse.

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't asking someone's salary before you start dating them be a huge turnoff? Come on. Of course not.

No, but you'll certainly try to find out what they do, which is a proxy for how much they make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you know that when they say "no" there is the unspoken proviso, "but you have to make more than I do".

Also not true. Sorry you are jaded.

Nope. It is true. That's why marriages where she makes more than him are more likely to end in divorce than when he makes more than her.

Anonymous wrote:

Turns out that men who are willing to support the career of their girlfriends/wives are few and far between.

Define your terms. You couldn’t find a boyfriend or husband willing to pay the lion’s share of the rent? Support non-monetarily? Buy you a car?

Change his schedule to meet when it was most convenient for me, not him. Change a date to a study date if I was worried about an exam. Agree to move where I wanted to go when it came time for the match.
I had a car and paid my rent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

Hilarious. You tried to say ‘no’ but really said ‘yes’ — obviously you were not happy with his current salary when you were dating.

"Potential" is a horrible reason to marry. Almost every relationship advice says the #1 mistake women make is marrying for "potential." You should marry as spouse when you marry them for who they are then at that time. Otherwise, you can really find a lot of disappointment, if the "potential" does not work out. You got lucky.

Slight OT but I have to agree and was going to post the same. When people start talking about the "potential" in their partner I cringe. You haven't learned from all the "DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU DATED HIM???" responses? You should love the person for who they are - and not with an * of them getting better/more mature/make more money/less mean/less jealous or whatever - because while we all may grow, it doesn't mean that we all get better in that growth.

You're dense. Potential isn't solely about what the person doesn't have -- it's about their capacity to accomplish (personally, professionally, etc.) the things you value in a partner. Am I to believe, then, that you assume no one can ever change and so you choose a partner based on who they are at the exact moment you start to date? That's ridiculous. People change throughout their lives. It's natural. None of us are static.

Turns out that men who are willing to support the career of their girlfriends/wives are few and far between.

Define your terms. You couldn’t find a boyfriend or husband willing to pay the lion’s share of the rent? Support non-monetarily? Buy you a car?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

Hilarious. You tried to say ‘no’ but really said ‘yes’ — obviously you were not happy with his current salary when you were dating.

"Potential" is a horrible reason to marry. Almost every relationship advice says the #1 mistake women make is marrying for "potential." You should marry as spouse when you marry them for who they are then at that time. Otherwise, you can really find a lot of disappointment, if the "potential" does not work out. You got lucky.

Slight OT but I have to agree and was going to post the same. When people start talking about the "potential" in their partner I cringe. You haven't learned from all the "DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU DATED HIM???" responses? You should love the person for who they are - and not with an * of them getting better/more mature/make more money/less mean/less jealous or whatever - because while we all may grow, it doesn't mean that we all get better in that growth.

I had no requirement for salary.

I did have a requirement for intelligence. But that doesn’t translate to salary, as many fulfilled intellectuals don’t value money.

My DH is smart as a whip, has an excellent sense of humor, and is kind. Those things are far more important to me than his ability to law money.

That said, we have plenty of money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

Hilarious. You tried to say ‘no’ but really said ‘yes’ — obviously you were not happy with his current salary when you were dating.

"Potential" is a horrible reason to marry. Almost every relationship advice says the #1 mistake women make is marrying for "potential." You should marry as spouse when you marry them for who they are then at that time. Otherwise, you can really find a lot of disappointment, if the "potential" does not work out. You got lucky.

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't asking someone's salary before you start dating them be a huge turnoff? Come on. Of course not.

C'mon now...let's not. Outside of the elusive "millionaire next door", you're going to know roughly what socioeconomic scale someone is on when first dating. If you see where they live, you see HOW they live. When talking about interests, there is the guy that talks about golfing and traveling to Morocco while another guy is talking about fishing and weekends and at the swap meet. You don't have to ask to choose.

And I think the question is a lot less gross than suggested here and an interesting one to discuss - I mean how many cheater threads can we absorb in one day?! If maybe framed differently - "would you date someone lower skilled, blue collar who probably will not make much above say...$45K now for the DC area?" Not in college 20 years ago, etc. but right now. Would you consider dating him?

Turns out that men who are willing to support the career of their girlfriends/wives are few and far between.

Define your terms. You couldn’t find a boyfriend or husband willing to pay the lion’s share of the rent? Support non-monetarily? Buy you a car?

Yes. He had to earn as much as me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

You’re agreeing with PP. You saw his potential to make a lot of money and fell in love with him.

Pot meet kettle

When did I say that? You're reading into it and making assumptions. I saw his potential AS A PERSON. I care that he's making more because, at the time, he was on the brink of declaring bankruptcy and had gained 60 pounds from depression.

When I said "potential," I meant I saw in him the ability to craft a happier life for himself. One where he wasn't depressed, in poverty, and unhealthy.

Omg, own it. You protest too much.

If you were talking about his potential as a PERSON, your next line would not have been his six-figure salary. Oh, can’t forget the stock BONUS.

No mention how he blossomed as a human being or surprised you as how great a dad he was. Just salary. And of course bonus.

The thread is literally about compensation.

If it were about how great people are as parents, I would have talked about what a great dad he is.

Stop trying to make my post into something it's not.

Wouldn't asking someone's salary before you start dating them be a huge turnoff? Come on. Of course not.

Anonymous wrote:No. Jesus.

Seriously. I wanted someone as ambitious, educated, and intelligent as me. Someone gunning for what they wanted to do in the world, like me. And someone who wanted to work with me as an equal partner in the marriage.

Who are these people? What decade is this?