I dated someone that was wealthy. They didn't flaunt their wealth and were really nice (non pretentious) people but so often they just said or did things that only wealthy people would say or do. They didn't really have the concept of not being wealthy so many things that are actually 'wealthy' things were just normal to them.

And so many things are just different in how your beliefs and values develop.

There was always just an underlying unease / discomfort on my part as I was not part of their world no matter how much they included / welcomed me into it. It was like being in a foreign country where you can live there and learn the language but you will still never be a local.

Anonymous wrote:

My family talks about politics, books, movies, the environment.

You pushed it too far on that last one.

What do you discuss re: the environment? "Gee, I'll tell you, this global warming thing is really something." "Yes, I agree." "Did you hear about that low-pressure system coming off Lake Erie?" "I know! Crazy, right?"

Don't reply. Thank you.

Ah, yeah I was waiting for one snarky comment to come up.

Plenty of environmental issues to discuss: fracking, oil pipelines, dwindling salmon supply, EPA regulation rollbacks. One of my parents is a biologist so environmental issues come up a lot. I like to pick her brain on environmental issues.

It's true. My sister's ILs are rich AF, very old money. They live on Saltines and gin.

I would love to meet them. I love gin but prefer Ritz to Saltines. However, I think I could make the switch if I could marry up. Sadly, I am only UMC now and I have to shop for the Ritz and the gin on sale.

When did owning a plane/helicopter become UMC?

My husband's family is what I would call "rich," but they are probably really something like upper middle class. Very expensive house and cars, boats, private planes (just a little one, not a jet)/helicopters, all kids college and grad school paid for out of pocket, very expensive vacations when they were growing up (e.g. skiing in Europe). But they are also really ignorant and tacky in a lot of ways, and yes his dad is very rude to waiter, etc., and these days they are definitely in the Trump camp.

I grew up I guess working class? Nurse and military, small house, no vacations, normal cars. But my family had a lot more emphasis on reading, watching quality movies, eating interesting food, etc.

Our different backgrounds have never caused a problem in our marriage except that his parents were probably mad that I didn't have money. I think my husband and I are on an even plane culturally/taste wise, maybe especially because we went to the same college. It does make a HUGE positive difference in my life that my husband doesn't have student loans, and that our kids' college is prob going to be paid for by his parents. Also, I think my husband learned a lot of valuable money management lessons from his parents that I did not learn. He has definitely taught me how to budget, invest, etc., whereas my parents had no sense of financial planning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

Other annoying things about your inlaws aside, I don't think the bolded is wrong. I grew up in a family of a musician and a teacher, with lots of books and intellectual pursuits. But I've learned very well the humiliation of being poor, and the fact that giving your children a life where intellectual pursuits are possible and easy depends on a solid financial foundation. I tell my children that they have to get jobs that make excellent money first and foremost. When you have enough money, you can enjoy ballet and original art and be a good tipper. "Interesting" jobs are for people with family wealth and no money worries, and my children are not one of them.

Fair point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

You married one of the Trump boys?

They sound just like my former Indian ILs.

yes, especially: "They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement."

I was guessing Persian.

Yeah, one or the other.

My family talks about politics, books, movies, the environment.

You pushed it too far on that last one.

What do you discuss re: the environment? "Gee, I'll tell you, this global warming thing is really something." "Yes, I agree." "Did you hear about that low-pressure system coming off Lake Erie?" "I know! Crazy, right?"

Don't reply. Thank you.

I'm going to try and say this without sounding snobby, but there's already a fair share of snobbery in this thread so what the heck.

DH and I are both from middle/working class families.

The only difference is education. No one in DH's family has a college education, everyone is mine has a 4 year degree or higher and has professional jobs. Our families get along just fine and there's no issues.

DH gets slightly uncomfortable at our family gatherings because conversation and food/drink is different. DH's family had never had brie before meeting me. My family talks about politics, books, movies, the environment. DH's family doesn't - they don't pay attention to that kind of stuff. It's not to say that their lack of education is necessarily the cause, I just don't think they're interested. DH's families talk about their neighbors, or an upcoming fishing/hunting trip, and sports scores. DH feels more comfortable in that environment.

However, our home life is different than the environment DH grew up in. I speak a second language and DH is learning my language, so it's fun to teach him. Prior to my pregnancy we did a lot of wine tours and have a robust wine collection now. We watch the news every night at 6PM; it's nice to see him have some interest in local and national politics. I make DH amazing football sunday snacks, but can't follow the game to save my life.

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

Other annoying things about your inlaws aside, I don't think the bolded is wrong. I grew up in a family of a musician and a teacher, with lots of books and intellectual pursuits. But I've learned very well the humiliation of being poor, and the fact that giving your children a life where intellectual pursuits are possible and easy depends on a solid financial foundation. I tell my children that they have to get jobs that make excellent money first and foremost. When you have enough money, you can enjoy ballet and original art and be a good tipper. "Interesting" jobs are for people with family wealth and no money worries, and my children are not one of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up blue collar, and I grew up UMC. We met in medical school, and have a pretty similar lifestyle to my parents. The only thing that gets to me is that he doesn’t seem to understand how much effort and/or money things take. I think he sort of thinks that if you make enough money, then things should just happen.
For example, he wants a consistently clean, nicely decorated, and well maintained home with plenty of toys organized and in good working order.
He wants family meals cooked from scratch every night.
He wants the kids to play tennis, golf, swim, and play chess. He also wants them to play a musical instrument and learn a second language.
But he puts all of this on me. He feels that because I grew up UMC, I am supposed to know how to decorate the house, how to hire a nanny, or where to send the kids for golf lessons. And this is supposed to take me no time or effort.
It’s gotten better over the years, but it was very surprising when we first started making money that he expected me to know exactly how to spend it in order to make his vision of TV UMC life into a reality.

My Dh is like this because he grew up with bitter, controlling parents, so that might be what you are experiencing.

No. It was kind of the opposite. His parents had substance abuse issues, multiple affairs, and were kind of chaotic and disorganized. So he just doesn’t know what has to happen for a household to be stable and running smoothly, kids in extracurriculars, parties, etc. It’s like he thought that if he married me, then I would just make that happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

It's true. My sister's ILs are rich AF, very old money. They live on Saltines and gin.

My MIL basically lives on mayo-drenched "Salads" and bloody marys even though she goes out all time to eat at nice places, she's so unadventurous. She and all her friends either show dogs or horses, which are WASPy and horrifically expensive hoobies/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

It's true. My sister's ILs are rich AF, very old money. They live on Saltines and gin.

Where did everyone meet their rich S/O..
Did that lead to a perfect set up for marriage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have more money than my family but we consider them somewhat classless and trashy. DH and his family only ate frozen or canned vegetables. So when we went shopping for produce, he went to the frozen food aisle.

They are really obsessed with money and status. Like the in-laws want the younger kids to marry ivy-league educated people with good jobs. They only believe in going into finance or law, instead of doing something more interesting. They snap their fingers at servers and are bad tippers so it's embarrassing and I always supplement. They do not go to galleries or museums and do not have original art on their walls. They have never attended a ballet or concert.

No kids yet but I can see clashes in education. I want my kids to be multilingual or at least bilingual. I want them to study and find a career that they are passionate about. I want them to eat unprocessed, mostly plant based food. I want them to be less consumerist. I want them to value other people and treat them respectfully. I want them to appreciate and understand the value of art and culture.

this is just rich vs another kind of rich though?

No. In-laws are Mayflower and Old Dutch descendants. Their family is in history books and have streets and parks named after them. So if anything, they are old money but have a lot of it tied up in trusts (so maybe they are just an uncouth branch?). They do not seem to have access to a lot of liquidity. OTOH, my family spends and donates freely but we do not ave generational wealth like they do. This result is DH has a trust, but I do not. We intend on establishing trusts for the future kids.

I can't speak to the rest of what you posted but old money WASPs love their creamed, canned, bland, and frozen food.

Sounds like midwest MIL. Frozen OJ, anyone? :hurl:

That may be a product of her generation. Not-from-concentrate orange juice was not widely available in most of hte country (non-sunbelt) until the 1990s! Frozen is all there was.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orange_juice