[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance.[/quote]

Here we see the infinite female capability to rationalize doing whatever she wants to do as being "good for the kuds". Disgusting![/quote]

I think that award goes to the PP who stated it was sexually repressive to not want to live with moms boyfriend. Yes because that’s what every 12 year old wants, to be perfectly content knowing their mom is being adequately railed by her new man. I’m the pp who’s mother abstained from having any relationships (that we knew about) as children. Guess what we didn’t need growing up, some random inserting himself into our family dynamic. My mom actually got married to her third husband about 8 years ago when my youngest sibling left for college. We all have a good relationship with him and appreciate that he makes our mom happy. What children don’t need is turbulence and big changes while growing up. My mom’s first husband died in the iran-iraq war. Her second husband (who she was matched with by family) was an abusive alcoholic. She didn’t fantasize about being “swept off her feet” because she had already dealt with difficulties in life. She worked two jobs and put herself through grad school to provide for us. She did everything possible to ensure that we were always her first priority. Incidentally, all three of her children ended up doing well and with stable families of their own without any major hang ups or issues and I personally attribute that to being my mom’s single most important priority as a kid.[/quote]

Newsflash: this post is a sign you have major hang ups.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance.[/quote]

Here we see the infinite female capability to rationalize doing whatever she wants to do as being "good for the kuds". Disgusting![/quote]

I think that award goes to the PP who stated it was sexually repressive to not want to live with moms boyfriend. Yes because that’s what every 12 year old wants, to be perfectly content knowing their mom is being adequately railed by her new man. I’m the pp who’s mother abstained from having any relationships (that we knew about) as children. Guess what we didn’t need growing up, some random inserting himself into our family dynamic. My mom actually got married to her third husband about 8 years ago when my youngest sibling left for college. We all have a good relationship with him and appreciate that he makes our mom happy. What children don’t need is turbulence and big changes while growing up. My mom’s first husband died in the iran-iraq war. Her second husband (who she was matched with by family) was an abusive alcoholic. She didn’t fantasize about being “swept off her feet” because she had already dealt with difficulties in life. She worked two jobs and put herself through grad school to provide for us. She did everything possible to ensure that we were always her first priority. Incidentally, all three of her children ended up doing well and with stable families of their own without any major hang ups or issues and I personally attribute that to being my mom’s single most important priority as a kid.[/quote]

You have a naturally selfish, consumer-like attitude toward your mother. The fact of the matter is that the pool of available men dwindles with age, and your mother could have very easily not found someone to date and marry after your youngest sibling went away to college. She could have easily ended up alone for the rest of her life. You and your siblings would have gone on to college, first jobs, dating, first apartments, first marriages, children of your own. Your mother at that point would recede to a sidenote in your life, and the fact that she is alone would have mattered to you not at all. If you are a typical American, you'd probably be content seeing her a month out of a year, and you wouldn't care that she's alone for eleven months out of the year. But hey, as long as you got a childhood of your dreams, it doesn't matter because kids = #1.

Mind you, I'm not saying you're wrong. Just that you are a typical child who sees parents as something to consume, not individuals with needs and feelings of their own. In your mind, what's good for you = what's good for your mother.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say dating is not a priority, but you're here asking about dating. That is what people are responding to. What you're saying isn't matching the other behavior, and so people are addressing the behavior (posting about behavior).

Do not date right now because you will attract low quality men. Finish your degree, start your higher paying job, get a little older, and then date.

Yes, do this. Focus on raising your kids and becoming the type of person a worthwhile man might consider when you're in your 30s. At this stage I would seriously side eye any guy who would be interested in taking this on, especially if they're remotely near your age. Those who would be interested probably have a lot of "extenuating circumstances" themselves, which sounds like a mess added with where you currently are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem won’t be finding men, it’ll be finding GOOD men (real men) who are up to the challenge of dating a single mom. I had my son young, and dated a little bit didn’t find anyone I wanted a relationship with until recently (my son is 9). Happens that my boyfriend is my age, never married, no kids, and is perfect for me - including being OK with the responsibility that comes with me having a child already.

You’ll find someone. Maybe not right away, but you also won’t struggle with finding dates between now and finding the right man.

Most men don’t want to raise other men’s children and quite honestly it’s risky for the child. This is why this family unit shouldn’t be advertised as an “ideal.”

Women who have children with losers need to focus on their kids, wait until the children are adults and then the personal Life can be a priority. This is what my mother did and I can’t tell you how much I appreciated her sacrifice now that I’m a mother. We never had to deal with introductions or being forced to live with mom’s boyfriend (gross). I would never put my children through that.

No one is advertising it as ideal. But to say it never works is also false. It can be really beneficial for kids to see mom in a happy relationship and to have a positive male presence.

Sorry that you think a mom having a live in bf is gross. Sexual repression is a burden.

I’m the first PP, and I’ve only introduced my son to my current boyfriend - and we’re heading toward marriage. Not right away, but that’s where we’re going. I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance. I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best on all fronts. It’s also been really good for my son to have a positive male influence in his life In an ongoing relationship, because my ex is a disaster (we split when my son was a baby).

I don’t know how I feel about having a live in boyfriend, but I’m fairly certain we won’t live together until we’re engaged with a date set at least. We’ll have to see how it goes.

Choosing to have a child with a man who is a “disaster” and can’t be a positive role to his own child, and needing to split up right after the birth of your child, speaks volumes about your decision making.

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced, have my own place and have 2 children under 3. I am attractive, 24 years old and in school. Just curious if most men would be turned off at the fact I have 2 kids this young.

Absolutely not, other than a pump and dump.

Men are going to be wary that you are looking for someone to finance your life.

You might find some rich 40 something who wants the hot young twenties girl in his bed and on his arm and is willing to put up with a couple kids to have that. Probably won't be very involved as a family man.

Otherwise you will find a guy in his twenties who thinks he wants to play house. Until he doesn't.

Anonymous wrote:No. Why do you have two children so young? These days, barring extraordinary circumstances, I would consider it a sign of questionable judgment.

Kids can be a dealbreaker, but I am relying on her to have questionable judgement to enjoy having me around.

[quote=Anonymous][quote] I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance.[/quote]

Here we see the infinite female capability to rationalize doing whatever she wants to do as being "good for the kuds". Disgusting![/quote]

I think that award goes to the PP who stated it was sexually repressive to not want to live with moms boyfriend. Yes because that’s what every 12 year old wants, to be perfectly content knowing their mom is being adequately railed by her new man. I’m the pp who’s mother abstained from having any relationships (that we knew about) as children. Guess what we didn’t need growing up, some random inserting himself into our family dynamic. My mom actually got married to her third husband about 8 years ago when my youngest sibling left for college. We all have a good relationship with him and appreciate that he makes our mom happy. What children don’t need is turbulence and big changes while growing up. My mom’s first husband died in the iran-iraq war. Her second husband (who she was matched with by family) was an abusive alcoholic. She didn’t fantasize about being “swept off her feet” because she had already dealt with difficulties in life. She worked two jobs and put herself through grad school to provide for us. She did everything possible to ensure that we were always her first priority. Incidentally, all three of her children ended up doing well and with stable families of their own without any major hang ups or issues and I personally attribute that to being my mom’s single most important priority as a kid.

Anonymous wrote:It's a myth that OP can't/won't be able to find a decent guy guy to be with.


If she is very attractive, the way it will play out is that she meets a nice guy, whose league he would otherwise be out if not for the blemish of her having kids. He will be thrilled to be with her, but she will secretly not be that into him, but nows that he respresents security, so she stays. Over time she will likely cheat.

Only a woman who thinks she knows how guys think would say that.

From guys standpoint, the answer is no.

No, I wouldn’t. Too much baggage.

No, would not date. She needs to get her act together and take care of her kids first.

No. Why do you have two children so young? These days, barring extraordinary circumstances, I would consider it a sign of questionable judgment.

It's a myth that OP can't/won't be able to find a decent guy guy to be with.


If she is very attractive, the way it will play out is that she meets a nice guy, whose league he would otherwise be out if not for the blemish of her having kids. He will be thrilled to be with her, but she will secretly not be that into him, but nows that he respresents security, so she stays. Over time she will likely cheat.

I hate the attitude that single moms should only raise children until the kid goes to college and then can have a personal life - my son needs a happy mom and one who has balance.

Here we see the infinite female capability to rationalize doing whatever she wants to do as being "good for the kuds". Disgusting!

Anonymous wrote:I am 37 have three kids.

I would not date you if I was 37 and single with no kids. I don't know if I'll ever be "mature enough" to raise some other guy's kids.

If I was divorced and both you and I had partial custody of our kids and you were good to them then in that situation yese. But as a normal "patsy beta swoops in to clean up the mess" -- you're dreaming. Some guys might be OK with one but two is too much. If they don't want kids, they won't be happy. And if they do want kids, they will want their own kids, so does that mean you end up with four? Oosh.

Most men agree with this. If it causes female feelbad, tough.