Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

Put the app "OurGroceries" on both of your phones. When something is running low after you use is, add it. It will sync to her phone. When either of you pick up items at the store, mark it off the list. If you have an Alexa, you can also tell her to add it to your list of you don't want to use your phone. You can also tell her to remove the items from the list as you are putting them away if you were too lazy to check them off while shopping. Geez. Get into the digital age.

What my DH does that drives me insane is he will use up all the laundry detergent, dish washer soap BUT leave the empty container on the shelf so it looks like we have enough but I don’t realize it’s empty until I need it at 10pm to do a load. He does this with everything. There will be empty boxes of Cheerios and crackers in the pantry, empty cleaning solutions in bathrooms, etc.

It makes me so angry to have to throw away everything for him. Plus checking every single box in the pantry to make sure it’s not empty is super tedious before a grocery run. So, my solution is to ask him not to use “my stuff.” (Asking him to throw stuff away when it’s done doesn’t work-he will not do it. Ever.) I don’t care if he wants to keep his empty granola box in the pantry, but if he messes with stuff the kids and I eat/use I get really annoyed.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

You sound exhausting.

When my DH uses something up, he tells me and either picks up more himself, or if I'm going to the store that day I'll offer to get it. I don't need to remind him because he's a friggin' adult. If he consistently forgot to tell me or get more, yea, I'd hide things and tell him not to use it.

Would you treat a roommate this way? Probably not. If you would respect a roommate enough to replace things immediately, you need to give your wife that same respect.

OP here,
I grocery shop every week and have no problem restocking items. That doesn’t mean I have never used something and didn’t replace it immediately. So you have never planned to use a recipe and realized you forgot one item on the list? If not kudos to you.
As for a roommate, I wouldn’t use the roommates stuff without asking, but I also wouldn’t pay for housing, healthcare, and student loans for a room mate either.

If you grocery shop, why aren't YOU stocking up on the things you like to consume? How often are you using things up and forgetting to replace them? Once in awhile is okay, weekly is not.

I do stock up on things I use. It would be weird for me to go to the store
every week and buy stuff I don’t use. If it were just a matter of me using stuff and not replacing it, I wouldn’t post on
A forum about as that is obviously problematic behavior. I get the impression she doesn’t want me to use things she buys. She says this even when stuff is not close to running out.

First you say you forget to replace things and just want your wife to remind you, then you say that you do replace things and wife is just crazy. So which is it?

OP. My original post says she gets mad when I use household products. This is regardless of whether there is more left or not. For example, there may be 3 jars of tomato sauce in the house, and she will make a snide remark if I open one. Her comment about wanting stuff to be there is a excuse because she is being selfish IMHO. This also started as soon as we moved in together , and there was no possibility of me having a history of using things up without replacing them—we just started living together .
She’s an only child so perhaps she’s not used to sharing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Most of these suggestions are helpful.
I guess that is what I would expect from her. She could try to remind me if I’m forgetting to replace certain things, or suggest a shared shopping list. Her solution is to tell me not to use stuff and/or hide it. That’s what I find problematic.

You sound exhausting.

When my DH uses something up, he tells me and either picks up more himself, or if I'm going to the store that day I'll offer to get it. I don't need to remind him because he's a friggin' adult. If he consistently forgot to tell me or get more, yea, I'd hide things and tell him not to use it.

Would you treat a roommate this way? Probably not. If you would respect a roommate enough to replace things immediately, you need to give your wife that same respect.

OP here,
I grocery shop every week and have no problem restocking items. That doesn’t mean I have never used something and didn’t replace it immediately. So you have never planned to use a recipe and realized you forgot one item on the list? If not kudos to you.
As for a roommate, I wouldn’t use the roommates stuff without asking, but I also wouldn’t pay for housing, healthcare, and student loans for a room mate either.

If you grocery shop, why aren't YOU stocking up on the things you like to consume? How often are you using things up and forgetting to replace them? Once in awhile is okay, weekly is not.

I do stock up on things I use. It would be weird for me to go to the store
every week and buy stuff I don’t use. If it were just a matter of me using stuff and not replacing it, I wouldn’t post on
A forum about as that is obviously problematic behavior. I get the impression she doesn’t want me to use things she buys. She says this even when stuff is not close to running out.

First you say you forget to replace things and just want your wife to remind you, then you say that you do replace things and wife is just crazy. So which is it?

Buy more than one bottle of cleaning spray and put one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom upstairs (if you have an upstairs). Put one in each bathroom if you want. My spouse will buy three bottles of cleaning spray and this is what we do.

We also buy the pack of Costco car towels for $15 and use those for cleaning up. They are awesome for that!

Are you one of those people who never replaces the toilet paper, leaves empty containers around, uses all the toothpaste and doesn’t replace it, etc.? My husband does all this and my DC have picked it up from him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only get mad when DH is thoughtless about the timing of using stuff up. He’ll do things like decide to have a late-night snack of cereal and milk topped off with some milk and cookies, using up what should have been enough milk for coffee and breakfast the next morning. So when the kids I get up the next morning for school/ work, we have no milk.

At least in my house, this is exactly the problem. Wife has a plan for the remaining item and husband, unburdened by this mental load, uses it a different way and creates a new problem for her to solve.

I don’t know that I agree with this. I’m the DW and grocery shopping/cooking is my chore. If I let the milk run so low that a bowl of cereal and a glass of milk dries us up and ruins breakfast, I didn’t do my job of keeping milk stocked properly. If I realize that I’m running low on something and I have a plan for the remaining amount, I also consider it my job to communicate that I have a need for that item and no one else is to touch it. Maybe it’s because I have teenagers who eat ungodly amounts of food and don’t think about meal planning as well as a DH, but our fridge is community property. If an item is marked reserved, that’s respected, but the idea that no one is allowed to touch the last 1/4-1/8 gallon of milk without my permission because I might be saving it for breakfast is foreign and absurd to me.

Of course with such a freewheeling attitude toward milk, I try to keep 2 gallons in the fridge, and when one gets emptied it goes on the shopping list while the reserve is tapped. I don’t try to cut it close and only buy milk the day I empty the only container in the refrigerator. I can see how that would lead to complications. (I know that’s a lot of milk talk but we generally have the same rules for most consumables-one in use and a spare for when that runs out. Replace when you start using the spare.)

Q - Do you get angry when your spouse "uses up" household products?
Ans - No. But we are not poor or mentally ill.

Anonymous wrote:I only get mad when DH is thoughtless about the timing of using stuff up. He’ll do things like decide to have a late-night snack of cereal and milk topped off with some milk and cookies, using up what should have been enough milk for coffee and breakfast the next morning. So when the kids I get up the next morning for school/ work, we have no milk.

At least in my house, this is exactly the problem. Wife has a plan for the remaining item and husband, unburdened by this mental load, uses it a different way and creates a new problem for her to solve.

Am I the only one who cannot believe that people hide groceries and laundry detergent?! If this is a case of really tight budgets than I guess I understand; otherwise, a home is shared along with the products inside.

I only get mad when DH is thoughtless about the timing of using stuff up. He’ll do things like decide to have a late-night snack of cereal and milk topped off with some milk and cookies, using up what should have been enough milk for coffee and breakfast the next morning. So when the kids I get up the next morning for school/ work, we have no milk.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why everyone is piling on OP. His wife is weird. He grocery shops weekly so presumably he is replacing things and presumably SHE is communicating what he needs to get.

If she were responsible for all the shopping and he used up stuff and didn't communicate or replace that would be one thing. her behavior is OCD and not typical for a joint household. Like ,if I bought something and then hid it away so Dh could't use or find it? I can't imagine. If I need something for a specific reason, Ill tell him, otherwise, its fair game. And if we run out, we try to keep a list but we don't blame the other person since we both are responsible for shopping, communicating and stocking up. Plus DH has never once objected running out to the store--in fact he often does it when we don't really need it, as I suspect he likes the break from the loud kids.

Were there similar issues for her growing up?

You’re looking at the individual trees and not the forest.

Say that you are OP’s DW. It’s 10 PM. You are exhausted, but you know you can’t sleep if there are dirty dishes, dirty clothes, and lunches to be made. So you decide to tackle these chores. Except OP used the last of the detergent. Even if OP runs out to get more right now, it’ll delay starting the load until 10:30. So much for going to bed at 11:30. When this happens once or twice a year, it’s no big deal, but this is several times a month. You can argue with him or you can hide stuff.

DH typically uses up things, then doesn't say anything or make any effort to replace it, so yes, I get angry. If he finishes something up and tells me, or better yet, replaces it himself, then no, I wouldn't have an issue with it.

Anonymous wrote:My kids also hide stuff from DH. The kids will bake cookies, but if they leave them anywhere visible, DH will eat ALL of them. So now they bake and hide. I mean, they are fine with him having some cookies... but the man just vacuums them up.

Honestly I do think a lot of men just never learned to think about others. I go to the grocery store and come home with food and supplies for every one in the house. DH will come home with a bag full of the things only he eats... and nothing else. I like, um, you couldn’t have picked up some milk while you were there?

If I specifically ask him, he will get things for others. If I don’t specificslly ask, he will revert to acting like he lives alone.

I know right?

Let’s just hope we are raising our kids to all be responsible adults who think about others. No more of this genderized childhood stuff of past generations.

Nope. We use the amazon subscription and have our household goods delivered monthly. We never run out of anything unless I try to skip a month.