Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:57     Subject: Re:First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:It’s very easy to tell in this thread which posters experienced their parents’ divorces and remarriages and which people are themselves divorced/remarried.


And which posters are divorced and still single whose ex-spouse has remarried.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:52     Subject: Re:First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:51     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.


NP. Very thoughtful post, pp. I think you nailed it.


The stepdaughter, an adult woman with a family of her own, chose to accept this invitation. She’s entitled to feel all the grief and loss she wants, but she needs to be civil to her father’s wife in their home. If she can’t, she should have declined. She doesn’t need to accept her father’s choices but ultimately she doesn’t get a say. Life isn’t fair.


If she declined to attend, the Mandatory Blended Family Happiness Brigade would criticize her for it. Nothing will satisfy them except if the stepchildren eat their shit with a smile.

That sounds about right.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:45     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.


NP. Very thoughtful post, pp. I think you nailed it.


The stepdaughter, an adult woman with a family of her own, chose to accept this invitation. She’s entitled to feel all the grief and loss she wants, but she needs to be civil to her father’s wife in their home. If she can’t, she should have declined. She doesn’t need to accept her father’s choices but ultimately she doesn’t get a say. Life isn’t fair.


If she declined to attend, the Mandatory Blended Family Happiness Brigade would criticize her for it. Nothing will satisfy them except if the stepchildren eat their shit with a smile.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:42     Subject: Re:First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:That's awful OP, I hope you don't get sick and can muddle through. This is something that would be come a hilarious legend in my family. I would try not to focus on DIL, sick kids on top of her personal emotional struggle will not bring out the best in her.


+1. This happened on a family vacation years ago. Sister in law showed up with her two year old who started vomiting an hour later. That night we all came down with it one after the other in the middle of the night. There was a line at each of the bathrooms to vomit. Even the dog threw up. Grandma, toddlers, we were all affected.

It was miserable but it's totally a family legend. My youngest wasn't born yet and she thinks she missed out!
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:31     Subject: Re:First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
It’s very easy to tell in this thread which posters experienced their parents’ divorces and remarriages and which people are themselves divorced/remarried.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 18:25     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
No matter whatever you think of OP and dh having a kid together, it has no bearing on the step daughter acting like a bitch.

OP, you do you next year and don't invite these step kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 17:58     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.


NP. Very thoughtful post, pp. I think you nailed it.


The stepdaughter, an adult woman with a family of her own, chose to accept this invitation. She’s entitled to feel all the grief and loss she wants, but she needs to be civil to her father’s wife in their home. If she can’t, she should have declined. She doesn’t need to accept her father’s choices but ultimately she doesn’t get a say. Life isn’t fair.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 17:49     Subject: Re:First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.


This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!


It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.


Write it all down OP! this sounds like an epic memory for your entire family down the road.

give your husbands dream sone time. its wayyy too early for that to happen.

know that you have people to vent to and keep your courage up!
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 17:41     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.


Agree that it sounds like an awful Christmas. The kids probably agreed to come out of love for their father but didn't actually want to be there.

Think about it before you start making even more demands of them, OP.


What demands has OP made?


Plural you. The DH "invited" them to come but it was probably more for himself than for them.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 16:51     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.


Agree that it sounds like an awful Christmas. The kids probably agreed to come out of love for their father but didn't actually want to be there.

Think about it before you start making even more demands of them, OP.


What demands has OP made?
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 16:47     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.


Agree that it sounds like an awful Christmas. The kids probably agreed to come out of love for their father but didn't actually want to be there.

Think about it before you start making even more demands of them, OP.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 15:27     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.


I completely agree, except that only Granddad is old, not stepmom.

OP is 43 so not old, but her 29yo SD may perceive het on the older end to be having an infant.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 15:12     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Anonymous wrote:Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.


I completely agree, except that only Granddad is old, not stepmom.
Anonymous
Post 12/25/2018 14:59     Subject: First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start
Christmas with grandpa/dad, his new wife and newborn sounds awful. I’m sure SD regrets agreeing to come. Just the thought of 2 old people, one with grandkids, having a baby sounds selfish.