Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:12
Subject: Re:Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Big Christmases, lots of grandkids.
You are assuming so much here, in the very off chance your kids provide you with “lots” of grandkids, so you seriously think that they are all going to schlep their herds of children to in what will by them by your uncomfortable and outdated house so “your little pack” as you say all does Christmas together? You’ll be lucky if you get one kid to show up.
My god why do you people have kids? I am hoping that my children grow up, become happy, find love, experience the things that have been the highlight of MY life in their own lives.
We celebrate with my siblings and DH's siblings and their children and the grandparents regularly! I just hope to experience that with my children. If they find different paths to happiness than so be it. If they don't find happiness then I will share in their heartache.
All you crazies who hate your ILs or who's moms have called you a million times asking for grandkids should chill out.
Seriously none of YOU think of a future where your children are grown with children of their own???
Half my calculus in having three is that at least ONE of them will want kids!
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:10
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
I have one child and occasionally feel like "everyone" around me has 3+ kids. I know it is just my bubble and I also know that I am not wired for more than one and there's nothing that would change that. But every once in a while it brings up confusing feelings for me.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:08
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.
We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.
For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.
Oh STFU
-DP
Really? I was pretty horrified by that comment as well. That phrasing is akin to saying that someone gypped you. Both are incredibly offensive things to say.
Cripple is an english word with a real definition.
Are you offended when someone says something like, 'mortgage brokers in the early aughts crippled the United States economy.'?
Except she's specifically talking about people with disabilities causing the crippling.
Yeah that was a shitty thing to say. I feel bad for that kid.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:07
Subject: Re:Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Big Christmases, lots of grandkids.
You are assuming so much here, in the very off chance your kids provide you with “lots” of grandkids, so you seriously think that they are all going to schlep their herds of children to in what will by them by your uncomfortable and outdated house so “your little pack” as you say all does Christmas together? You’ll be lucky if you get one kid to show up.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:04
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.
We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.
For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.
Oh STFU
-DP
Really? I was pretty horrified by that comment as well. That phrasing is akin to saying that someone gypped you. Both are incredibly offensive things to say.
Cripple is an english word with a real definition.
Are you offended when someone says something like, 'mortgage brokers in the early aughts crippled the United States economy.'?
Except she's specifically talking about people with disabilities causing the crippling.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:03
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Do you live in the DC area OP? I would say 75% of families I know here have 2, 15% have 3, and 10% have 1.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 14:02
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Do you live in the DC area OP? I would say 75% of families I know here have 2, 15% have 3, and 10% have 1.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:59
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Weird. My cohort in NE DC has 2 a piece, almost entirely across the board. I've considered a 3rd, and would definitely be an outlier if that happened. But, given how hard it was to get pregnant with #2, I think the decision will make itself.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:58
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
OP, from your post you sound like you're focusing on what other people have done, not on what is best for your family. I can't imagine birthing a third human because of FOMO.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:56
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You're thinking about having a third kid because.... People around you have three kids? That's f*ing nuts.
No no no. Not trying to keep up, etc. Just hate to feel like I missed out on growing our family bc of some short term drama/issues we were having.
I had my 3rd at 39 with a big gap between 2nd and 3rd. We also had 2 boys and 3rd is a girl. Other than going back to diapers and 5 more years of daycare, it's been really positive for our family and we really enjoy having our baby girl.
The usual caveats apply that a lot of things are much harder as 5 than as 4. You really need a car with a 3rd row and once the baby is out of a crib, you can't just stay in a regular 2xQueens hotel room. Etc, etc.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:55
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.
Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.
If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.
DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).
Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.
We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.
Talk about pressure on the kids.
Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.
NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.
People. We are not sitting them down for lectures at 7 to tell them all about how they are expected to provide 2.5 children. Nor will I be calling up DD when she gets married three decades from now and ask her monthly if she's pregnant.
We have hopes for our future where our family continues to grow and expand as we get old. I don't think this is an uncommon or crazy wish. If it ends up that that doesn't happen for one reason or another, I will be sad but I will not BLAME my children and I will find joy in other things my life offers me. Their lives are their own to live. But I raise them in the way that I was raised, to value family and the times we have with one another. To love each other, and to live lives as full of love and caring as they can. I hope that results in some grandchildren many many years from now that I will have the privilege to meet and know.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:51
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, we're in the same boat. First child was totally healthy, second child has an assortment of medical issues (severely disabling ones) and I'm trying to get over the desire for a third. We can't handle a third emotionally or financially, but I still want one. Thank god my husband has said no.
We'd definitely be pushing our luck if we went for a third. A second disabled child would cripple our family. So two it is. Only you can make the decision about what is best for your family.
For someone who identifies as having a child with disabilities you certainly use offensive and ableist language. You might want to work on that. Sending your second child love and empathy.
Oh STFU
-DP
Really? I was pretty horrified by that comment as well. That phrasing is akin to saying that someone gypped you. Both are incredibly offensive things to say.
Cripple is an english word with a real definition.
Are you offended when someone says something like, 'mortgage brokers in the early aughts crippled the United States economy.'?
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:51
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.
Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.
If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.
DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).
Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.
We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.
Talk about pressure on the kids.
Seriously. PP, you have no idea whether your kids will be willing or able to fulfill your very detailed future plans. That is way too much pressure to put on your children.
NP joining the pile-on - I have 3 and would love if they had a lot of kids but I don't count on it, many things have to happen, none of them anywhere close to certain, for that outcome to actually happen. btw my parents had 3 kids and one grandkid for more than 20 years... they both died and another 4 grandkids happened.
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:49
Subject: Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same here. It only solidified my decision to have 2. It is just chaos, all the time. No thank you.
Exactly. The whole meme of the frazzled mom who hasn't showered in a week and whose house is a disaster so does not appeal to me. It seems like lots of people think that's the only way to be a "real" mom, but I'd much rather have a manageable life. Since DH and I both work full-time and it's very important for me to have the time to keep the house clean, laundry done, etc. 1 child is enough for us. I don't understand the deification of stress and suffering in the parenting community.
If you can easily handle 3 kids, go for it, but if you *know* it'll stress you out, why put yourself through that? It can't be good for you, your marriage, or your kids. There's no shame in stopping with what you know is a manageable situation.
DH and I are going to try for #3 next year. We have a good situation, both work from home and make enough to have a nanny (although at 2 and 3 a nanny isn't really more expensive than daycare).
Right now I would say we have comfortable control over our life. And we like it. And we are kind of scared about the chaos that is going to come with #3. We think it will add stress and difficulty, although I am fairly certain I will still shower daily! I don't think it will damage our marriage, we are pretty solid. I think that would be the one thing that would stop us actually, because we feel like the marriage is really important for the kids.
We feel that you endure the first few years for what the rest of your life looks like. I want three adult children. Three teen children. Big Christmases, lots of grandkids. I know the diapers and toddler stage will be hard. But we're already almost halfway through that. And once we're on the other side? We have our little pack forever.
Have how many ever kids because you want them but having these expectations on them is setting yourself up for disappointment. For all you know your kids could remain child free, have other issues etc.
Of course and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But that just lends to my point. Odds are with three we're gonna have some grandkids!
Anonymous
12/17/2018 13:49
Subject: Re:Everyone around me has 3 kids....
Anonymous wrote:If it gives you any comfort, I recall my Ob-gyn saying that every woman has a point in her life when she realizes she is done having children. It is a hard thing to accept, but it is an inevitable milestone.
I have 3 children myself, and we of course love our 3rd child, but it is a huge additional financial and emotional commitment. My DH and I area each 1 of 2 children ourselves, and it was great.
It wasn't hard for me to accept that I was done having kids. Two difficult high risk pregnancies helped my decision along, and a tubal ligation sealed the deal. Not every woman is sad to stop at one or two, or none.